Eli came to me and I took his hand and led him from the room, shutting the door behind us so Jace and Caleb could have some privacy. I knew Jace wouldn’t take advantage of Caleb…I wasn’t proud of the fact that I’d mentally gone there even for a little while, but Jace’s behavior in the den had convinced me how much he cared about the young man.
I led Eli to the living room and we sat down on the couch and just held on to each other for a while. An hour passed without a peep from Caleb’s room so Eli and I kept ourselves busy wrapping the many presents we’d ended up ordering online for Christmas. Between his family and mine, we hadn’t even gotten halfway through the pile when we heard Caleb’s door open.
Jace led Caleb into the living room and sat down with him on the couch. Their hands were intertwined and it looked like Caleb was holding on to Jace so hard that his fingers had actually gone bloodless.
The scene was eerily reminiscent of the day we’d met up with Caleb and Jace at the motel in the mountains of West Virginia. Caleb looked a little more relaxed despite the way he was clinging to Jace.
“I didn’t go to the bridge to hurt myself,” Caleb murmured. His eyes searched out Eli’s. “I swear.”
Eli nodded.
“This kid at school has a brother who works at a liquor store near the bridge. He sells to underage kids. After I paid him the fifty bucks he charges plus the cost of the alcohol, I didn’t have any money left for a cab to get back home so I just started walking.”
“The police officer who picked you up said you seemed to hesitate when he ordered you to step away from the side.”
Caleb swallowed hard and glanced at Jace. “I wasn’t thinking about jumping…I was thinking about when I was a kid and me and my mom and Nick would rent one of those paddle boats on a nice day and paddle around Lake Union. For the first time in a really long time, things in my head didn’t seem so loud and I just wanted to hang on to that for as long as I could.”
“Caleb,” Eli whispered. “Please tell us how we can help you.” I tightened my hand on Eli’s because I could hear the raw pain and desperation in his voice.
“I don’t know,” Caleb whispered hoarsely. “I feel like I’m trapped in the dark and every once in a while, there’s a flash of light, but all I see is Nick…and Dad. I hate him so much, Eli…but I miss him too. It’s so…fucked up,” Caleb said dejectedly.
Eli got up and moved to the couch to sit on Caleb’s other side. “It’s not, Caleb,” he said softly. He was careful not to touch his brother. “I hate him for what he did to me…to us, but I still miss the fun stuff we did together…like going to baseball games or the movies or when he told me I could call him ‘Dad.’ I couldn’t make sense of how I could still love someone who did those things to me.” Eli finally reached up to gently push Caleb’s hair off his face. “But talking to someone helped me make sense of those feelings.”
Caleb nodded and wiped at the tears that had started to fall from his eyes. “Okay, I’ll try…but I don’t want anyone else there.”
Eli nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “Mav and I were talking and we were thinking you might want to come stay with us for a while.”
Caleb’s eyes shifted briefly to me and then Jace. Caleb nodded again, but didn’t say anything else.
“Caleb and I were talking about the wedding this weekend,” Jace said. I knew he was talking about Hawke and Tate’s wedding which was scheduled to take place at Seth and Ronan’s house on Whidbey Island. “He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around all those people so I was thinking he and I could explore the city a bit…maybe he can show me around.”
I’d been torn about what we were going to do in terms of the wedding because I knew it wouldn’t be a good environment for Caleb. He clearly wasn’t in any shape to interact with both of our extended families. I’d already been planning to stay home with Caleb, but Jace was providing something I knew Caleb needed.
Peace.
Even if it was only for a day. And for whatever reason, being around Jace seemed to bring him peace like nothing else had.
“I think that’s a good idea,” I said. Caleb’s eyes actually widened and I saw a sliver of hope in them and I knew I’d made the right choice. I’d told Eli about what Jace had said to me in the den and I knew he agreed with me that Jace wouldn’t take advantage of Caleb. “Can I convince you to stay here at the house with us?” I asked. “The couch pulls out.”
Jace nodded. “I’d appreciate that.”
I suspected that between Caleb’s exhaustion and Jace’s comments that he’d held Caleb the previous summer at the motel so the young man could sleep, that Jace wouldn’t be spending any time on the couch, but I wasn’t about to tell the seventeen-year-old he could sleep with the man he was infatuated with. I was putting my faith in Jace that he wouldn’t let things go any further than sleeping.
“Eli and I were planning on decorating our tree tonight,” I said as I motioned to the Christmas tree Eli and I had finally managed to pick out a few days earlier. “You guys up for helping?” I asked.
Caleb sucked in a deep breath and I saw his grip on Jace finally ease. He looked at Eli and said, “I’d like that.”
Chapter 13
Mace
“You thinking you want this someday?”I asked Memphis as I watched my men helping Tristan and Brennan string up the last of the lights across the ceiling in the glass sun room. The room had already been cleared out and set up with dozens of chairs and decorated with a mix of red and white flowers. The wedding arch was a simple combination of the same flowers, a few sprays of garland and pine cones and bright white lights. Jonas had mentioned to Hawke that hanging clear Christmas lights from the ceiling would make for a pretty scene as darkness fell. Hawke had readily agreed and despite it being the day before Christmas eve, my men had joined Tristan and Brennan in the search for lights at the local big box store while Memphis and I had stayed behind to let the caterers start setting up the tables for the reception that would happen after the ceremony the following day.
“Someday,” Memphis said, but when I glanced at him, I saw a big smile on his face as his eyes lingered on Tristan and Brennan who were laughing about something. When he caught me looking at him, he chuckled and said, “Okay, yeah.”
I laughed and took a sip from my bottle of water before setting it on a side table.
“What about you?” Memphis asked.
