I instinctively knew he wasn’t talking about the kids. “Your parents?” I asked.
He nodded. “They would have made the best grandparents,” he whispered. “And Trace…”
My own throat closed up with emotion. I never gave thought to what would have happened with Seth and me if Trace were still alive because it didn’t serve a purpose. But no matter how things would have ended up if Trace’s life hadn’t been stolen from him, Seth would have someday had kids who would have looked up to their uncle and were doted on by their grandparents.
“They’re watching us right now, Seth. And I know how proud of you they are…of the man you’ve become and the father you’re going to be.” I dropped my lips to the back of Seth’s neck and kissed him softly before settling my chin on his shoulder. “They’re going to be our kids, Seth, whether it’s for a few weeks until we find their family or it’s for a lifetime because we’re going to become their family. We’re going to give Jamie and his sister the childhood you should have had…that we both should have had. We might not be able to give them grandparents, but we can give them a shitload of overprotective uncles.”
Seth laughed and then he was turning in my arms. His arms went around my neck and he pressed his face against my neck. “I love you so much, Ronan.”
“Me too, baby,” I whispered. “Are you ready to go inside?”
Seth nodded and we climbed to our feet. He took my hand in his and led me back into the bedroom. I closed the balcony door behind Bullet, but before I could lead Seth back to bed, he was turning around and pulling me down for a kiss. His tongue stole hungrily into my mouth and I could feel his desperation rolling off of him in waves. But he wasn’t just desperate for me.
I put my hands on each side of his face to hold him still so I could see his eyes. “Take what you need, baby.”
The fact that a tear slipped from his eye told me his emotions were still right along the surface. He nodded and then he took my hand in his again. But instead of leading me to the bed, he urged me to an oversized plush armchair in the corner of the room. I sat and watched as Seth went to the bed to grab the lube from the nightstand. He was wearing a pair of thin pajama bottoms which he stripped off when he reached me. I would have expected him to be the one to fuck me, but when he coated his finger with lube and started prepping himself, I knew he needed something more. And he couldn’t hold out long enough for me to get him ready the way I usually did.
Seth dropped to his knees between my spread legs and then reached for my briefs. I lifted my hips to let him pull them off of me and then his talented tongue was licking a path up my already hard shaft. I sighed and put my hand on his head just so I could have that connection with him as he pleasured me. He didn’t linger too long before he swallowed me down and sucked on me hard. I didn’t try to stifle the moan that fell from my lips, but I made sure not to thrust into his mouth the way I was tempted to do. There were days where one or both of us needed it rough or fast and there were other days where it was more about touching and kissing than actually getting each other off. Today was one of those rare days where Seth needed to be in complete control…not of me, but of what he needed from me. He needed to set the pace, he needed to determine the outcome.
Seth gave me a few more hard sucks before he pulled off and began slathering lube on my painfully sensitive cock. When heclimbed up onto my lap, I helped steady him as he reached behind himself to position me at his opening. I didn’t move as he began bearing down on me and it wasn’t until my crown had breached him that he put both hands on my chest and let his head fall back. I could feel the tremor in his fingers as he dug them into me as more of my length filled him. I let my hands rest on his thighs as I tried to keep myself from slamming up into him.
It was slow going as Seth lifted a little before dropping down again. By the time I had bottomed out inside of him, I could feel my balls drawing up tight against my body. Seth held his position for several long seconds as his body adjusted to me and I hated that I couldn’t see his eyes because he had them closed and his head was still thrown back. But I felt a crushing relief when he finally leaned forward and opened his eyes. They still looked pained, but they were bright with something else too…something I would never tire of seeing for as long as I lived.
His lips closed over mine as he began riding me. His moves were slow, but he took me as deep into his body as he could with each glide of his hips against mine. Our kisses matched his pace…slow, deep, unhurried. And the passion began to build in waves that grew larger and larger with every touch, every thrust, every kiss. Sweat slicked both our bodies as our rhythms synced up and I began to meet Seth’s glides with answering thrusts. Within minutes, we were both desperate for more and Seth began rocking frantically against me and his hands held my face as he kissed me. He’d been letting these little whimpers fall from his throat when he’d first taken me inside of him, but I heard his cries of distress start to build as his need grew.
I knew he was trying to outrun the pain that had sent him out on that balcony and I was more than eager to take it away from him. I didn’t ask permission before I wrapped one arm around him and used my other arm to lift up from the chair. I immediately took him to the floor, covering his body with mine, not letting our bodies separate for even a moment. I drove into him hard and he let a sharp cry of relief.
“Is this what you need, baby?” I asked softly.
Tears flowed freely down Seth’s face again as he nodded. “Please,” was all he said.
I pushed into him again, but instead of pounding into him to give him the orgasm he was waiting for, I kept fucking him with slow, deep thrusts. I didn’t try to stem his tears, nor did I make an effort to wipe them away. He needed them as surely as he needed me to fill up those empty places inside of him that had sheared open today. He might have needed to be the one to start this encounter, but he needed me to finish it. I leaned down to kiss him softly as I slid my hips forward again, driving his ass higher. I linked our fingers together on the floor next to his head as I continued to drive into him. Keening cries began to escape his mouth and I stopped kissing him long enough to whisper, “Let it all go, my love.”
Seth pulled his hands free of mine and locked them around my neck. He buried his face against my throat and just held on to me as I took him over the edge. I slid both my arms around his back and dug my fingers into his skin, pulling him as close to me as he could possibly be and then I took us both over. Seth let out a ragged cry as his orgasm ripped through him and I felt his teeth graze the skin where my shoulder met my neck. My own climax sent me flying and I dug my knees in the carpet as I pushed myself as deep into Seth as I could get and held there as I filled him. Seth’s body jerked in my hold as his orgasm went on and on. I felt hot tears scalding my skin and I tightened my hold even more. When Seth’s body finally relaxed as the pleasure began to ease, I wrapped an arm around his waist and held him to me as I sat up and rocked back onto my heels. Seth’s legs went around me and he clung to me like a monkey as a fresh wave of tears dripped onto my skin. I held him like that for several minutes until his breathing finally slowed and his lips sought out mine. He used his hands to brush some of my damp hair off my forehead.
He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. And I didn’t need him to. I’d fixed some things for him, but some wounds just ran too deep to be completely healed. The best I could offer him was to take some of that pain when those wounds inexplicablytore open. He’d been doing the same for me from the moment I’d walked back into his life.
It was a long time before either of us moved. We showered together and just took pleasure in caring for each other’s bodies and then we crawled back into bed. It took just minutes for us to fall asleep and Seth didn’t even stir the following morning when my phone rang. I saw Zane’s name on the caller ID and I kept my voice low when I answered it. I listened as Zane spoke and then I told him I’d call him back in a few minutes. I put the phone back on the nightstand and then curled myself around my husband.
“Seth, baby, wake up.”
I felt Seth’s fingers link with the ones I had resting on his stomach. He let out a little grunt so I leaned down to whisper in his ear. “They’re ours, Seth.”
The fingers playing with mine stilled and then Seth slowly rolled onto his back so he could look at me. “Really?” he said softly, his mouth turning up into a smile.
“Really,” I said as I brushed my mouth over his. “Are you ready for this?”
Seth nodded and then he wrapped his arm around my neck to pull me down for another kiss. “I’m ready.”
“Are you guys ready?”Seth asked as he knelt in front of Jamie and his sister and double-checked to make sure both kids’ jackets were buttoned up. Jamie nodded, but his sister didn’t react in anyway…she merely clung to her brother’s hand. Her other hand was resting on Bullet’s neck.
It had been three days since we’d gotten the call that we’d been approved as foster parents for Jamie and his sister, and Seth and I had been frantically running around to get everything together to bring them home. We’d already had some of the basics like furniture for their rooms, but we hadn’t wanted to get things like toys until we were sure they’d be coming home with us. We’d also gone each day to visit the kids and we’d taken Bullet along to continue toact as an icebreaker. Jamie had instantly left his sister’s side at the sight of Bullet on the first day and he hadn’t hesitated to crawl into Seth’s lap again to play with the dog. His sister had been a slightly harder nut to crack, but she’d finally given in and interacted with the dog as well, though she’d steered clear of me and Seth. At this point, the only things connecting us to the little girl were Jamie and Bullet, but that was enough.
Neither kid had spoken beyond Jamie saying Bullet’s name once. We suspected Jamie was capable of speaking, but chose not to. We were hopeful that with time that he’d open up to us and tell us as much as he could about himself and his sister, primarily her name. The pair were definitely communicating via sign language, but only enough for Jamie to tell his sister the dog was nice and she shouldn’t be scared. When we’d explained to both of them yesterday - both verbally and using one of the therapists who knew sign language – that they were coming to stay with us at our house for a while, neither kid had reacted either negatively or positively.
I’d ended up talking to the hospital about postponing my joining the staff for a few months until my new family was settled and they’d been understanding and had told me there’d be a place for me whenever I was ready. Neither Seth nor I were expecting it to be an easy transition, but we’d both grown so attached to the children that we knew we’d do whatever it took to make it work. And if CPS happened to find the kids’ family at some point, we’d accept it and find a way to live with whatever time we’d been able to have them for.
I watched as Seth took Jamie’s free hand in his and I felt my heart pound painfully in my chest at the sight. Not only because of the pure joy in my husband’s eyes, but because he just looked so right with both kids.
