“So that’s it?” he asked as he pressed his forehead to mine. His arm went around my waist. It felt so good having him touch me, that I had to bite back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“I mean so little to you that I don’t even warrant a final look?”
“No, I-”
“Do you think me telling you I loved you came with conditions?”
His question caught me off guard. “Finding out you’re in love with a murderer is a pretty damn good condition,” I said.
“You’re not a murderer,” he bit out. “You were a kid, Levi. You got caught up in an impossible situation and you did the best you could.”
“I had so many chances to stop it!”
“And instead of two victims, there would have been four! That kid is alive because of you. I listened to your story, Levi. I didn’t hear one thing you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome!”
I shook my head, but Phoenix snagged me by the chin and forced my head up so he could look me in the eyes. “Look at me. I’m still here! I’m not walking away. Nothing you said, nothing you did or will do changes how I feel. I love you. I’ve never said that to another person outside my family, because I don’t take those words lightly. But if you aren’t sure-”
“I’m sure,” I cut in and then I was lifting up to kiss him. “I love you,” I breathed against his mouth. I knew it was a mistake, but I didn’t care. It wouldn’t change anything, but I needed to be allowed to love him…to have him love me back, even if it was just for tonight. Maybe I could survive the hell of prison if I could carry this moment with me.
Phoenix’s mouth covered mine and then his tongue was seeking entry. I opened for him and moaned when his tongue swept over mine.
Yes, I was going to take this moment.
Because it would need to last me forever.
Chapter 20
Phoenix
I was pissed,shell-shocked and turned on all at the same time.
Pissed that Levi had thought he could just walk away and I’d actuallylethim.
Shell-shocked to learn the lengths Levi had gone to try to stop what had happened to Seth. I’d never thought to ask Ronan about how help had gotten to Seth in time, but if Levi’s call had gone through, I had my answer.
And the turned-on part was pretty obvious because Levi was trying to climb me like a tree as his need grew. I knew I needed to stop all this and talk to him about T, but my body wasn’t cooperating.
Neither was Levi because his hands were all over me as his tongue dueled with mine. When we were finally forced to come up for air, he whispered, “I want to know what it’s supposed to feel like.”
“What?” I asked.
“Making love,” he murmured. He began pressing soft kisses against my mouth. “I want…I want to know what having a man inside of me is supposed to feel like.”
I stilled at that because it was the last thing I’d expected to hear. “Levi-”
He put his finger over my lips to stop me from talking. “You said sex is something that should be freely given, not taken. I know you said I could be inside of you, and I want that – I really do. But I want to give you more than my body. Ricky, the men in prison…they took something else from me. I want it back.”
I knew exactly what he was talking about. The violations he’d endured hadn’t been about stealing sex from him. No, it had been about taking away his power, his control, his ability to choose. Fucking me might give him some of those things back, but it wouldn’t be the same.
Because he needed tochooseto give himself to me. And he needed to know that he could change his mind at any point.
His trust in me was humbling, but it also frightened me. I had this one opportunity to undo some of the damage that had been done to him…to make him see that he had worth…that he was worth fighting for. He wasn’t that terrified little boy whose voice no one had heard when he was being tortured by the brother who should have protected him. And he wasn’t the broken man the fuckers in prison had left humiliated and bleeding on a dirty shower floor.
He was my Levi.
My beautiful, brave, kind-hearted Levi who continued to get up no matter how many times he was knocked down.
I used my hands to caress his face, mindful of the bruises. “You can say no. Anytime, no matter what. This isn’t something I need in order to be with you.”
