Levi
“I’m just askingthat you call me before you leave him with my dad, Dina,” I said, trying not to lose my patience. The woman in front of me tapped her long red nails on the doorframe. Nails I highly suspected I’d paid for with money that had been intended for Henry.
Dina tossed her long red hair over her shoulder and adjusted her low-cut top. “Look, Levi, if I’ve got plans, I need you to step up. If you’re too busy…”
“I’m busy working,” I said. “If you really need to go out while I’m at work, then please, hire a sitter for Henry. Mrs. Donaldson has offered to babysit for a pretty reasonable fee.”
“I’m not leaving my kid with that hag,” Dina said snidely. “Bitch calls me a whore under her breath every time she sees me.”
Henry began to fuss in the car seat I’d finally had to put down after Dina had neglected to take it from me or invite me into her apartment to help her get Henry settled. I’d already explained the near miss this morning, but as expected, Dina had barely reacted to the news that she’d almost lost her child. I’d spent the past eight months hoping even the smallest bit of maternal instinct would kick in, but her disinterest was further proof that she hadn’t beenconfused any of the times she’d told me she should have just risked a late-term, illegal back-alley abortion. Even just the thought of never having had Henry in my life was enough to have tears pricking the backs of my eyes.
“You want to pay for a real sitter, fine, but it ain’t coming out of my share,” Dina added.
Frustration welled, but I knew any further conversation was pointless. “Did you schedule his next well-baby visit?” I asked.
“And how am I supposed to get him there?” Dina snapped.
I wanted to remind her that I’d bought her a bus pass, but when she reached down and jerked the car seat up, I kept quiet and reached for it so she wouldn’t wake Henry up. He was worn out from the afternoon we’d spent at the beach at Phoenix’s house. I knew that if he woke up now, he’d be cranky and that would just irritate Dina further. I pushed past her, ignoring her huff of disapproval, and carried the car seat to Henry’s room. I’d managed to paint his room a pretty green color and decorate it with gently used toys and stuffed animals from thrift stores, but it was far from ideal for the little boy. The carpet was worn and stained so badly that no amount of cleaning I’d done with the carpet shampooer I’d rented from the grocery store I worked at had gotten it clean, and I cringed every time I thought of Henry crawling on it. I’d gotten Henry’s crib for a decent price from a woman in the building who’d been cleaning out her storage unit in the basement, but it was old and outdated and I’d spent hours sanding and staining the wood in the hopes of giving it a cleaner look.
“Okay, Henry, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered to the baby as I carefully removed him from the car seat, kissed his forehead and placed him in the crib. I made sure to tuck the caterpillar toy next to him since it was his favorite.
I closed the door partially since Dina tended to run the TV too loud. One of the few items I’d bought brand new was the baby monitor system. I’d learned early on that Dina was a heavy sleeper and rarely heard Henry crying without the benefit of the monitor. As I walked back out into the living room, I looked around for the receiver for the monitor to make sure it was somewhere Dina wouldhear it. I found it on the coffee table, but froze when I saw what was next to it.
Powder residue.
Whitepowder residue.
I looked up and searched out Dina in the kitchen and saw her eyeing me as she drank what the normal person would assume was some kind of juice, but what I knew was more vodka than anything else. The woman arched her eyebrow at me and I knew she was daring me to say something about the evidence that was staring me right in the face.
Drugs.
She was fucking using again.
And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
Maybe if she had even the tiniest bit of interest in being an actual parent to Henry, I could have played on that and threatened her with calling Children’s Services, but we both knew I wouldn’t do it.
BecauseIwould be the one losing something, not her.
I was such a selfish son of a bitch. Despite knowing what a shitty mom Dina was, I didn’t want to let go of the only real joy I had in my life. And Dina knew that and she ruthlessly used it against me. A few months after Henry’s birth, I’d gotten the idea in my head that maybe I could be Henry’s dad after Dina had once again lamented his existence. I’d let the idea curl around inside me for so long that it had soon become my only thought, and I’d started having dreams about watching Henry come running out of school at the end of the day and jumping into my arms and calling meDaddy. I’d known it wouldn’t be easy, but considering all the money I put towards Henry’s care as well as my own portion of the rent for my father’s apartment, I’d been certain I could make it work.
I’d approached Dina with the idea a few days later, even offering to let her still be a regular part of Henry’s life. I’d thought for sure she’d go for it.
She’d crushed my dreams as easily as she crushed cigarettes beneath the heel of her shoe. She’d asked me why she’d ever get rid of a cash cow as valuable as her son to a chump like me…at least for free, anyway. What had followed had been one of the sickest things I’d ever heard in my life and any pity I’d once felt for the woman who’d been foolish enough to get involved with my brother had evaporated.
She’d offered to sell me Henry like he was nothing more than a used car.
I ignored the queasiness in my belly as I left Dina’s apartment and went upstairs to my own. Phoenix was waiting for me in the car, but I knew if I lingered too long, he’d come up after me. It had taken every promise I could think of plus a few passes of my mouth over his to get him to agree to give me ten minutes. It was only the reassurance that my father was working that had likely been the real reason he’d agreed.
If I hadn’t been so distracted by the turn of events with Dina, I would have used the time to mull over the day Henry and I had spent with Phoenix. It had started off pretty damn rocky, but boy, had it ended well. After waking up in Phoenix’s arms, I’d gotten to watch him sleep for a while until Henry had started to stir. I’d tried to get out of bed without waking Phoenix up, but I’d barely managed to shift my weight off his chest before his eyes had opened.
Then he’d smiled at me.
A sweet, soft smile that had left me feeling warm and gooey inside. I’d ended up kissing him again, though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t since the man was just too damn intoxicating. Things had gotten hot and heavy very quickly, but true to his word, Phoenix had backed off as soon as I’d become overwhelmed.
While I’d gotten Henry changed and fed, Phoenix had disappeared, only to reappear with a few beach toys including a small shovel, bucket and plastic molds. They’d been geared towards a child’s use, but I hadn’t commented on that fact. I hoped Phoenix might tell me about the mysterious child in his life at some point, but I wasn’t about to pressure him to do so.
A few kisses didn’t give me that right.
