“It hits me when I least expect it,” I admitted.
“How did it happen?”
“Car accident.”
“I don’t know what to say,” he murmured as he dropped his eyes.
I shifted so I was facing him and then used my fingers under his chin to lift his face, but I didn’t say anything. I loved how warm his skin was. My curiosity got the best of me and I lifted my thumb so I could trace it over his lower lip. When I reached the cut near the side of his mouth, I paused.
It was a brutal reminder of who this man was and why I was here.
I dropped my hand. “We should probably get back to work. Dinner starts soon, right?”
Levi nodded. I wasn’t sure, but he seemed almost disappointed. We continued our work in silence, but my body refused to stop reacting to the close contact we were forced to work in within the narrow confines of the kitchen.
When the dinner service started, I joined Levi, Sherry and a young man named Patrick on the serving line as people began filing in through the main door leading from the church into the seating area. It was startling to see the wide variety of people the soup kitchen served. Sure, there were the typical-looking older men with scraggly beards, unkempt hair and tattered clothes who eagerly collected a bowl of stew along with rolls and a side of salad, but there were also people I never would have pegged as needing a helping hand. A young woman with three small children in tow was the most heartbreaking because she looked barely old enough to take care of herself, let alone three kids. And the look on her gaunt face…like she could lie down at any moment and go to sleep and gladly never wake up.
I knew some of these people were there by choice, since not everyone who lived on the streets was necessarily looking for a better life. But I suspected the majority had fallen on hard times due to anything from financial problems, dealing with mental illness or not being able to escape the lure of drugs and alcohol. And while everyone took the allotted amount of food they wereallowed to, I could tell most were ashamed to have to hold out their hand.
As I watched the men, women and children come and go, I watched Levi too.
Whereas I’d been wondering what each person’s story was, Levi either already knew or he didn’t care because he interacted with all the people like he’d known them a lifetime. He asked the adults questions about how they were doing and pulled smiles from the kids with teasing jokes. They weren’t vagrants who couldn’t get their lives together…they were people needing a hand…his hand.
Frustration coursed through me once again as I tried to make sense of things. So far, nothing about Levi fit. Maybe if he’d gone the path of the straight and narrow after the attack on Seth’s family, I could have accepted that he was a changed man or that he was trying to seek redemption through this small act of kindness. But for whatever reason, he’d chosen to use drugs which had landed him in prison. And prison didn’t rehabilitate people, despite that being their supposed intent. No, after three years locked behind bars with the worst of the worst, Levi couldn’t have come out a better person than when he’d gone in. I’d seen the proof myself with the blond behemoth who was anything but a model citizen. Not to mention the fact that Levi had returned to the scene of his and his brother’s crime not once, but several times. None of that bode well for him.
So why was he here? Why after Father O had told him to go home after his mini-meltdown had he been so adamant about finishing his shift?
I was so distracted that I almost missed Levi saying his goodbyes to Sherry and Patrick as he removed the hairnet and latex gloves we’d all put on before serving the meal. His eyes connected with mine briefly, but he didn’t say anything and he turned away before I could tell him to wait for me. I caught up to him in the small room at the back of the building that had the bed in it. He was in the midst of pulling on his jacket when he glanced over his shoulder at me to where I was standing in the doorway. He looked apprehensive and I couldn’t blame him. I was still on edge about the almost-kiss. Even now, I wanted to walk into the room, close the door behind meand urge Levi down on the bed so I could feel his entire body pressed up against mine.
“Did you need something?” he asked, his voice uneven. My presence was definitely rattling him.
“I’ll give you a ride to work.”
I expected him to argue, but he dropped his eyes so he could fiddle with his zipper. He shook his head and then tried to move past me where I was still standing in the doorframe. I didn’t like the look of dejection in his eyes, so I shot my hand out to stop him and then brought my other arm up to block him from ducking back into the room.
“What?” I asked.
He shook his head slowly. “If you’re going to do it, just do it already,” he finally whispered brokenly.
“Do what?” I asked softly.
But instead of answering me, Levi ducked under my arm, but not to leave the room. Instead, he went back inside of it and then tugged at the zipper of his jacket before taking it back off again. “Would you close the door at least?” he asked as he lifted his eyes.
Curious, I did as he said and stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. Levi averted his eyes and then his fingers were reaching for the button on his jeans. Understanding dawned as a single, stifled sob left his throat right before he reached for his zipper.
Rage went through me, so profound that I wanted to hit something. But I doused my anger and reached Levi in two strides, grabbing his wrists before he could push his pants down.
“No,” I said simply, because I needed a moment to calm down before doing anything else. To think he was putting me in the same category as the bastard who’d degraded him in the alley the day before had bile crawling up the back of my throat.
Levi hung there for a moment before pulling his hands free. He zipped his pants up, but didn’t move away from me like I expected. To my horror, he reached for the button on my pants instead. “Can you wear a condom, please?” he asked as his fingers popped my button free. “I can still make it feel good.”
“Levi, stop,” I snapped before I grabbed his hands to keep him from sliding my zipper down.
“What is it that you want, Phoenix?” Levi yelled, his voice thick with tears.
“For starters, I want you to look at me,” I said, softening my voice.
Since I still had ahold of Levi’s hands, he couldn’t do anything about the tears that slipped from his eyes. He forced his head up, but it took several long seconds for his eyes to connect with mine.
