Matty nodded. “They want you and Seth to be their men.”
There was a pause and then Tate quickly said, “Best men.”
All the men chuckled as Matty said, “Oh yeah, right…best men.”
I tuned the men out after that because my stomach was still rolling. I started to turn around when Ronan grabbed my arm. “You sure you can’t stay?”
I shook my head and did my best not to shake Ronan’s hand off. I glanced at Matty who was leaning his head against Seth’s neck but his light blue eyes were on me. He didn’t say anything, but as I turned to go, I didn’t miss the wave he gave me. I barely heard the others saying their farewells as I walked away because I was too lost in thought.
God, what I wouldn’t give for a do-over.
But it was too fucking late. It would always be too fucking late. That thought was still rolling around in my head as I strode across the lawn and my eyes finally found what they’d been searching for from the moment I’d walked out of that bathroom.
Brennan.
Watching me.
And this time there was no question about what was in his gaze as his eyes held mine. Not lust, not excitement…no, it was nothing close to what I needed him to be feeling to ensure he came to the motel to finish what we’d started just a few short minutes ago.
No…all he was watching me with was concern.
And that was unacceptable to me. Because I didn’t want him to care. In fact, that was the very last thing from him that I wanted. And if he had the guts to show up at the motel, I’d make sure he understood that.
Chapter 4
BRENNAN
My insides feltlike they’d been twisted into some ugly balloon animal as I sat in my car outside the motel room door where Memphis’s sleek blue Mercedes sedan was parked. It had taken me longer to leave Ronan and Seth’s house than I’d hoped, since I’d ended up mingling with many of the people I’d met in the past couple of weeks after I’d gone to Ronan and Seth’s hotel room in the city to thank Ronan for saving my life. Eli had filled me in on the fact that the couple, along with Hawke and Tate, were living at the hotel during the weeks that Matty was being treated for leukemia. I hadn’t actually met Matty or his fathers until the previous weekend when they, along with Ronan and Seth, had attended family dinner at Dom and Logan’s island house for the first time. To say it had been a grand affair was an understatement. Of course, there’d been some initial awkwardness as everyone had gotten to know each other, but within a matter of minutes, my family had somehow managed to seamlessly blend with Ronan’s group and after that it had been the much loved chaos of kids and dogs running around while the adults tried to maintain some semblance of control.
My brother Zane and his husband Connor had had an instant connection with Hawke and Tate after my four-year-old nephew,Leo had befriended Matty within seconds of him walking in the house by asking him if he liked racing. While Matty had been a little reserved at first, the second he’d realized that “racing” meant chasing after our 85-year-old neighbor, Mrs. Finney, in her electric wheelchair as she rolled it back and forth across the driveway, he’d been in. Of course, Matty had been too weak from his treatments to actually do much running after the wheelchair, but Leo had solved that problem by telling Matty to sit on Mrs. Finney’s lap. Both sets of fathers had sat in some patio furniture near the front of the house as they’d watched their children play and I’d hung out with them long enough to watch my young nephew start plucking his clothes off like he was often prone to do. I’d just been heading into the house when I’d heard Zane arguing with Leo that he could run just as fast if he was wearing more than just his sneakers.
All in all, the dinner had gone well and I suspected it wouldn’t be the last time Ronan and his group of men would attend. But as much fun as it had been, there’d still been something missing.
And it hadn’t just been Tristan whose absence I’d been feeling. No, somehow everything had changed after that day with Memphis in Mav and Eli’s driveway. I’d thought maybe it was some kind of savior thing – that maybe my feelings were tied to the fact that Memphis had been with me when I’d been at my most vulnerable. But I hadn’t been sure and after what had happened in the bathroom less than an hour ago, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was more…much more.
I wasn’t what you’d call a sexually aggressive person, but in the few relationships I’d been in, I had taken a more dominant role. Not because I’d wanted to; it was just the way it had worked out. I’d also always taken things slowly and not just because my partners wanted it that way too. I hadn’t actually lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend, Kelly, until a couple months before graduation, even though she and I had been together for nearly two years. Even though I’d known from an early age that I was bisexual, I hadn’t actually been with any men until my sophomore year in college when I’d met my boyfriend, Curtis. I’d messed around with a couple guys after starting at UCLA, but Curtis was the first man I’dactually slept with and while it had been pleasant, it had just felt like something was missing. All of my encounters had been like that. Sure, I got off, but it wasn’t epic, blow-your-mind sex. After a year of dating, Curtis and I had broken up and I’d gone to a couple of gay clubs and picked up some guys, but the sex was the same, despite the taboo feeling of it being meaningless sex with a random stranger.
I’d been starting to wonder if maybe it was me – that maybe sex just wasn’t something that excited me the way it did others. I’d refused to consider that maybe it had nothing to do with the guys I was hooking up with and everything to do with the fact that there was only one guy my body wanted and it wasn’t going to accept any substitutions.
But I definitely had my answer now. Because from the moment Memphis had opened that bathroom door, I’d gone to a whole other place. A place I should have been able to go with Curtis and Kelly. A place where nothing mattered but the person standing in front of me. A place where all I felt was the need to touch, to feel.
I’d never felt anything like the rush of need that had gone through me in those few seconds when my eyes had met his. I remembered speaking to him, but I had no clue what I’d said. I remembered watching the way his hand had tightened on the doorknob while his other hand had curled into a fist. I remembered watching his already dark eyes go black with some unnamed emotion as his lips had parted just a little bit.
And I’d known.
I’d just known. I’d literally had a few seconds to decide to move forward or not. And whatever that invisible thing inside was that had kept me from finding what I’d been looking for with Curtis and all the others had evaporated when my eyes had connected with Memphis’s. And for the first time in my life, I’d taken what I wanted.
And I’d been handsomely rewarded. Because I’d felt more in one brush of my lips over his than I ever had with Curtis or my high school girlfriend. There’d been a moment when Memphis hadn’tkissed me back that I’d worried that whatever I was feeling was one-sided, but then he’d uttered that single word.
No.
Not to stop me. Not to send me on my way.
It had been life-altering. There was just no other way to explain it. Maybe I was placing too much weight on a mind-blowing orgasm, but I’d felt it in my bones. Because it hadn’t been just an amazing orgasm that had consumed me. It had been everything about him that I’d clung to. His voice, his smell, his touch. I’d felt things I hadn’t even realized I’d been missing.
I’d felt safe.
And needed.
