But it was a choice that wasn’t really a choice at all.
“I’ll come back, Tristan,” I managed to get out even as fear consumed me. “I’ll come back.”
I hatedfeeling so on edge that it took every ounce of self-discipline I had to sit still and look like every other person sitting in the open seating area outside the coffee shop. I’d like to say I was so agitated because of the meeting I was about to have, but in reality I knew that was only part of it. The rest had to do with the fact that the only place I wanted to be at the moment was on the next plane bound for Seattle, which was a complete surprise since I should have been dreading being with Tristan and Brennan again. Because nomatter how badly I wanted to deny it, I knew I had now bound myself to both men and that it went way beyond the physical.
After I’d told Tristan I would come back to Seattle, he’d let out a harsh sob and then had turned in my arms and wrapped his arms around my waist. I’d ended up holding him for several minutes as he’d cried and then I’d kissed him softly in the hopes of calming him. He’d smiled at me through watery eyes and then he’d told me he loved me again. Just like with Brennan when he’d said the same thing to me, I’d been at a loss. Luckily, Tristan hadn’t pressed the issue and we’d ended up going back to the bedroom to talk while I’d made sure I had everything prepped for my flight. I’d told him I wouldn’t check out of the room so that he and Brennan could use it if they wanted – I’d refused to acknowledge that it was me who wanted them to use it…that I was hoping when I got back from New York, I’d find them waiting there for me.
Tristan had taken things a step further when he’d offered to go down to my house and pick up Tink so my cat wouldn’t have to spend any more time alone. Since I knew the hotel allowed pets, I’d agreed, despite the fact that I never let anyone enter the sanctity of my home when I wasn’t there. And that didn’t even take into account that I was sending a clear message that by agreeing to have my cat with us, it meant I didn’t have an end date in sight for whatever was happening between me and my men.
My men.
I only thought of them that way in the safety of my mind. To the outside world, I wouldn’t have known how to refer to them.
Tristan and I had left the room together and I’d again ended up taking his hand in mine, and I’d held on to it throughout the entire conversation with the hotel’s front desk, asking them to add Brennan and Tristan as authorized guests for my room and getting them a key card. When we’d gotten to the garage where Phoenix had already been waiting to follow Tristan, I hadn’t cared that my team member was watching when I’d leaned down and kissed Tristan sweetly before sending him on his way. The joy in his eyes as he’d kept looking over his shoulder at me while he’d walked to his carhad been worth every gut-wrenching moment of fear that had continued to assail me.
While my plan had been to get to New York and quickly locate Ray and threaten him to within an inch of his life, it had all gone to shit the moment I’d gotten off the plane and my phone had rung. I’d tasked our IT girl, Daisy, with trying to locate Ray since he’d gone off the grid after leaving Seattle. His phone had re-emerged briefly in New York the day before, but had gone silent again shortly thereafter, presumably so that it couldn’t be tracked. But it had been enough information for me to get on the plane and when Daisy had called me to tell me she’d found the guy, it hadn’t been at his apartment or at a casino like I’d expected. Nope, she’d tracked him down only because his name had popped up on a police report.
It had turned out that Ray hadn’t just borrowed money from the two loan sharks who’d been harassing Tristan. No, he’d started playing with the big boys, but when his bill had come due, he’d paid for it with his life. The man’s body had been found near a desolate underpass in New Jersey. There’d been a bullet in each knee, each elbow and finally one to the back of the head. I’d had no doubt the man had probably tried to sell out his son to whatever guys he’d fucked over this time, but clearly they hadn’t taken the bait. Still, I’d told Phoenix and Cain to be on the lookout and to expect to be shadowing Tristan and Brennan for the foreseeable future. The two loan sharks I’d taken care of had left Seattle a few hours after my visit, but since they’d driven instead of flown and I’d had the sense to put a tracking device on their car at the motel, I knew they hadn’t even made it out of Seattle when Ray had been murdered.
I hadn’t told Tristan what had happened yet and I wasn’t sure how he’d react. I wasn’t as concerned that he’d be devastated by the loss because I doubted he loved the man; it was more that he would mourn anyone who’d come to that kind of end. It was just in his nature.
The discovery meant I’d ended up staying in New York longer than I’d planned and I was itching to get back to Seattle for reasons I wasn’t ready to admit to. But that was only part of the truth, because otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting at the coffee shop waiting forthe one man I hoped could give me some answers to questions I was afraid to ask.
I glanced at my watch for what had to be the tenth time in as many minutes. When I finally saw the man I’d been waiting for round the corner, I wondered what the hell I’d been thinking.
I’d worked with Mace Calhoun on several occasions when he’d still been a member of Ronan’s group. He’d left the group almost six months earlier after he’d fallen for the young man he’d been assigned to take out for crimes that it had turned out had been fabricated by one of our own men. But it wasn’t just the young artist, Jonas Davenport, who Mace had fallen for. No, he’d become involved with a second man, Cole Bridgerton, and from what I knew, the three men had pursued a relationship together.
I’d lit on the idea of talking to Mace on my way to New York, but now I was wondering if I hadn’t made a mistake.
“Memphis,” Mace said as he neared the table and held out his hand. I stood and shook his hand and then stiffened when he leaned in to hug me and clap me on the back. “Good to see you,” he said as he took a seat.
I slid the coffee I’d gotten for him across the table. “Cinnamon is in it already,” I murmured.
“Thanks,” he said with a smile and then he was taking a sip. He reminded me of Ronan, because the Mace before me looked nothing like the cold, emotionless man I’d met two years earlier when we’d worked our first assignment together. If I hadn’t been sure the man was in love, I knew it without a doubt now.
“I hear congratulations are in order,” Mace said as he slid a hand through his thick head of dirty-blond hair.
I was too distracted by the real purpose of our little chat to really understand what he was saying and he must have noticed my perplexed look because he said, “Ronan says you’re leading the team now.”
“Oh, yeah,” I managed to say.
“And I understand Ronan and Seth’s wedding was beautiful,” Mace continued and I had no doubt it was to fill the dead air between us since I was struggling to find my voice. Maybe I didn’twant answers to my questions…maybe it would mean I couldn’t go back to what was waiting for me in Seattle.
“We were hoping to attend the wedding, but Cole had to work-”
“Mace,” I interjected, my voice sounding hoarse. “I’m about five seconds away from saying fuck it and getting the hell out of here, so I really need to get this out because I need some fucking help figuring some shit out.”
I looked up from my coffee and saw Mace watching me intently. He gave me a quick nod and I sucked in a breath. “Jonas and Cole…how did you know?” I managed to get out. “How did you know you would be okay with it?”
“It?” Mace asked in confusion.
“The sharing.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?”
Irritation went through me. “Well, isn’t it?”
“I guess I’ve never really looked at it that way,” Mace said.
