“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means there’s more HIV in my blood now…my immune system isn’t fighting it as well as it used to.” Tristan sucked in a breath and wiped at his face with his free hand. “My doctor drew some more blood to have it retested. He said…he said it could just be a blip, but I won’t know for a week.”
“A blip,” I said in confusion as I fought the stomach acid that threatened. No way could Tristan be…
I shook my head angrily because I refused to go there. It just wasn’t fucking possible.
“A temporary increase which could be caused by a lot of things. The testing process, a temporary change in the concentration of the medication I’m taking…or I could have just had some kind of infection that my body is fighting off.”
“Then that’s probably what it is,” I said firmly, because I refused to believe any different.
Tristan tugged his hand free of mine and dropped it in his lap.
“This is going to kill my dads,” he whispered.
His words angered me and I shifted in my seat so that I wasfacing him and I snagged him by the neck and dragged him to me. “Knock it the fuck off, Tristan!” I snapped, unable to control the fear that had consumed me. “You’re fine! You’re fucking fine, do you hear me?”
Tristan let out a harsh sob and I automatically pulled him as close to me as I could. “I’m sorry,” I whispered against his ear as I held him. His tears seeped through the fabric of my shirt and I felt his hands fisting in the material. I kept murmuring soft words to him as he cried and when that didn’t work, I placed gentle kisses against his temple, his cheek, his jaw. I wasn’t even aware that Tristan had stilled and lifted his head until my lips were hovering near the corner of his mouth. The sudden shift in the atmosphere had my brain warring with the rest of my body and I forced myself to release my fingers from where they were pressed into Tristan’s skin, holding him to me. Tristan was breathing heavily and I could still feel his hands gripping my shirt. And I knew I was in trouble when I tried to put some space between us and Tristan refused to ease up on the hold he had on me.
“Tristan,” I whispered, though I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to say.
And then I didn’t have to worry about it because it was too late anyway. Because the second Tristan tilted his head just a little and brushed his mouth against mine, I knew I was fucked. I tried to remember why I couldn’t do this as Tristan kissed me softly again, but I couldn’t make sense of anything beyond how soft his lips felt against mine, how sweet even those brief tastes of him were.
“Memphis,” Tristan murmured just before he kissed me again, more firmly this time. My cock hardened at the sound of my name on his lips and I made one final attempt to put some space between us. Tristan allowed the move, but all it did was let me see the awe and excitement in his still-wet eyes. He wanted more – needed it. It was written in the way he held on to me, the way he looked at me…hell, I could tell just from the way he was breathing how badly he needed it. I told myself to stop even as I leaned in to claim his mouth. I buried my hands in his hair and tilted his head back just enough so I could get the angle I wanted and when he gasped in surprise, I dipped my tongue past his lips.
I felt fingers biting into my shoulders as Tristan tentatively kissed me back and even as a voice inside my head pointed out how inexperienced his response was, I didn’t care and I dragged him forward until there was only the armrest separating us. I explored every facet of Tristan’s mouth and then invited his tongue into mine. Tristan whimpered deep in his throat as his tongue stole into my mouth and danced with mine. And then everything spun out of control, because suddenly Tristan was shifting in the seat. Within seconds, he’d somehow managed to climb over the armrest separating us and he was straddling my lap, his fingers clutching my hair as he kissed me frantically. “Oh God, Memphis,” Tristan cried out as he fed on my mouth like a starving man. His need was intense and reminded me of Brennan.
And that was enough to cool the flames of desire.
I managed to tear my mouth free of Tristan’s, even though it was the last thing I wanted and I had to hold him by the shoulders to stop him from claiming it again. Several long seconds passed before Tristan finally seemed to come back to himself.
“Tristan, we can’t,” I began, but I didn’t have to say anything else because Tristan scrambled off of me.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” he whispered even as his fingers went to touch his glistening lips. His face flushed with color as he shook his head in disbelief and then he was stepping back from me. His back hit the balcony railing and I automatically reached for him, but he took off before I could get to him. I called his name, but he just shook his head and trotted towards the exit.
Guilt and shame went through me as I reached for my phone and called Phoenix to let him know Tristan was on the way out. I sat back down in the chair and ran my fingers through my hair.
Fuck, I needed to tell Brennan what I’d done. Not only would he hate me for kissing his best friend, he’d realize Tristan wasn’t straight at all and there’d be nothing standing between them anymore. Brennan might have thought he loved me, but I knewbetter. A guy didn’t declare his love for someone else while on his deathbed if it wasn’t the real deal.
And even though I knew Brennan would be better off with Tristan, the idea of losing him made me ache. Not to mention the shame I’d caused Tristan…
I forced myself to move and saw only the security guard when I left the theater. It took only a few minutes to get back to the hotel and get the car parked. Once I was back in my room, I ignored the need to rush into the bedroom and wake up Brennan and tell him what had happened. I both wanted to end things and also pretend this whole thing had never happened.
Maybe I could have this last night with Brennan. Maybe I could slide into his perfect, giving body one more time and beg him to tell me he loved me again just so I could pretend it was real. I went to the bedroom and opened the door, but before I could enter the darkened room, my phone vibrated. I turned away from the bedroom as I pulled the phone from my pocket and felt my gut clench when I saw Phoenix’s name on the caller ID.
“I lost him,” Phoenix said the second I answered.
“What?” I asked in shock as terror hit me like a freight train.
“I was following him back to his apartment. We were almost there when he made a U-turn in an intersection. He nearly caused a wreck, Memphis,” Phoenix said in a rush.
“Where is he?” I nearly shouted.
“I don’t know. A couple of cars were blocking the intersection so it took me a few minutes to get past them. I called him, but he’s not answering.”
“Fuck,” I bit out and then I was grabbing my keys off the counter. I hung up on Phoenix as I reached for the door. I ripped it open only to find Tristan on the other side, his fist raised as if he’d been about to knock. Tears were streaking down his face and I realized at some point it must have started to rain outside because his hair was wet and there were dots of water all over his clothes.
Tristan didn’t wait for an invitation. He pushed past me, his agitation clear. I quickly dialed Phoenix and stayed on the line onlylong enough to tell him Tristan was with me and then I tossed the phone on the counter separating the kitchen from the living room.
