“You believe it too,” he finally said. “You think it’s your fault.”
I dropped my gaze. “I guess a small part of me will always wishand wonder how things would have been different if I hadn’t left you alone.”
“Just like I keep wishing I’d listened to you and played some games like you told me to,” Aleks said softly.
“It’s not your fault,” I said firmly as I carefully grabbed his chin to force him to meet my gaze. “You were just a kid. It was my responsibility to look out for you.”
“Dante, it just happened. There’s no reason for it. It justwas.”
I nodded and released him. I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes, but I managed to keep them at bay.
“They told me Mama and Papa were hurt,” Aleks said softly, his eyes going to Ace. “They said they’d already gotten you and were taking you to the hospital to meet them there.”
“Who?” I asked.
“A man and woman. They were dressed like police officers.” Aleks was quiet for a moment before saying, “Even if I hadn’t left the arcade, I would have gone with them.”
I nodded as I realized it was true. At sixteen, I would have believed someone in uniform telling me something like that too.
“Mama and Papa want me to go back to being who I was. They want it to be like I was never gone.”
“They love you,” I said. Despite my own toxic relationship with them, I knew my parents loved Aleks with everything they had. I didn’t agree with their approach in how they were handling his return, but I knew they were likely in their own state of denial. No parent wanted to accept that their child had been a sexual plaything to grown men. I didn’t even know the details of everything that had happened to Aleks, and it was nearly crippling. The reality had to be a hundred times worse.
“But I know we can’t go back to who we were, Aleks,” I continued. “We all just want to help you, but it’s hard to know how.”
“He was my everything, Dante,” Aleks whispered.
I flinched because I was terrified my brother harbored some twisted sense of love for Parks after so many years of abuse.
“Every breath I took was at his whim, not mine,” Aleks continued. “The only thing I had was the hope that if I gave himeverything he wanted, someday I’d be free. Now that that moment is finally here, it’s like I can’t move or breathe…” Aleks reached out to stroke his hand along Ace’s muzzle as the horse moved back towards us. I couldn’t help but wonder if the big animal sensed Aleks’s growing distress.
“How am I supposed to move forward when I don’t know how to take even one step without asking permission first?” Aleks asked, dejectedly.
“You’ve already taken so many steps,meuirmão,” I said gently. His eyes flipped to mine and I saw a sheen of tears in them.
“I can’t take those steps for you, but I promise you,” I whispered fiercely. “I will be at your side with every one. I’ll hold you up when you’re ready to fall and I’ll be there to cheer you on for every single one you take, no matter how big or small.”
Aleks nodded and then a broken sob tore free of his throat. He pressed his face to my chest and I eagerly wrapped my arms around him as he began crying. His sobs were raw and painful and I couldn’t stop my own tears from falling. I held onto him for what seemed like hours until he quieted against me. His tears had soaked through my shirt, but I didn’t care in the least. I was glad that dam inside of him had finally broken. But I knew there would be many more as the walls he’d built to shield himself from all the brutality he’d faced started to crumble one by one.
And I’d be right by his side, just like I’d promised.
“Do you think you might want to come and stay with me and Magnus for a while longer?” I asked Aleks as I stroked his hair.
He nodded against my chest. “Mama and Papa will be angry.”
“They’ll want what’s best for you,” I murmured, though I wasn’t sure it would be that easy.
“Even if you’re what’s best for me?” he asked. He shifted to a sitting position again. I reached out to wipe away the tears that lingered on his face.
“We’ll figure it out,” I declared. And I meant it. It was true that I couldn’t spare my brother from all the pain he was going to endure in the coming future, but I sure as hell could ease the way and if that meant playing nice with my parents, I’d make it work.
Ace nudged us both. “I think he’s kicking us out,” I said as I gave the horse a pat. “You ready to go?”
Aleks nodded and we climbed to our feet. I put my arm around him as we left Ace’s stall, closing it behind us. I spied Magnus and Nina waiting for us near the main entrance to the barn. I liked that Aleks was holding onto my waist as we walked…it gave me hope that his aversion to touch wouldn’t be a permanent thing.
“How you guys doing?” Magnus asked, his eyes full of worry.
“Good,” I said and I leaned in to kiss him. “Aleks is going to come stay with us for a while.”
