“You,” I said truthfully. “I just want you, Dante.”
He looked pained as he closed his eyes and I saw his face fall. I wasn’t sure why, but it clearly wasn’t the answer he’d wanted to hear. But it was the only one I had. I wasn’t going to freak him out with relationship talk, but I knew deep in my heart that was what I wanted. I wanted a chance to explore the feelings he stirred in me. I wanted a chance to know the real him…the him he’d given me glimpses of.
I knew this was a make or break moment for us, so I wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything for him in the hopes he’d stay.
“But I want the real you,” I continued. “Not the version of you who you want everyone else to see.” I risked stepping a little closer to him as I spoke, though there were still half a dozen feet between us when I stopped.
“You wouldn’t want the real me,” he said dully, the emotion fading out of his voice.
“Try me,” I suggested as I took a few more steps toward him.
“The cab driver is waiting for me.”
“He can wait a little longer,” I suggested. I desperately wanted to touch him, but I didn’t. He was caught somewhere between hopeand resignation and I was going to do anything in my power to make sure he came out on the side of hope when this thing was over.
“It’s my fault,” he began, his voice thick. “It’s my fault Aleks is gone.”
I remained quiet and didn’t dare even move for fear he’d retreat back into himself. I didn’t believe what he was saying for a second, though I had no doubthebelieved it.
“He and I had gone to the mall. He’d gotten some money for his eighth birthday a few days earlier and he’d wanted to go to the toy store. I’d agreed to take him, but I’d wanted to stop at the arcade first. There…”
Dante’s voice dropped off as he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they were awash in shame and humiliation. “There was this guy I had plans to meet…he owned the place.”
It wasn’t lost on me what Dante was talking about, nor was the fact that he’d been only sixteen when his brother had been abducted and if whatever guy he’d been meeting had owned the arcade, it meant he’d likely been considerably older than Dante.
“I bought Aleks some tokens and told him to go play some of the games until I was done. He thought…he thought I was talking to the guy about a job.”
I nodded in understanding, but remained silent.
“I made Aleks promise not to leave the arcade. But when the guy and I were done, I couldn’t find Aleks anywhere. Some kids said they saw him leave the arcade and head towards the toy store. I went to look for him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere…”
Dante’s voice broke. “I didn’t call the police right away because I didn’t want to get into trouble. Maybe if I had-”
I shook my head. “It wouldn’t have made a difference,” I said gently. “They would have had a car waiting. By the time the cops would have gotten enough officers there to lock the mall down, they would have already been long gone.”
“I sold out my brother for a quick fuck, Magnus,” Dante whispered, his voice horrified as if it was the first time he was realizing what had happened.
I reached out and gently pulled him forward until his head was pressed against my chest. “You couldn’t have known, Dante. Even in your wildest dreams, you couldn’t have anticipated what would happen.”
Dante’s arms were hanging limply by his sides, but they slowly came up to wrap around me. I ignored the chill as his wet clothes soaked through my T-shirt and sweats.
“He used to call meMeu melhor...”
“What does it mean?” I asked softly as I pressed my lips against the top of his head.
“My Best,” he responded.
“Best what?”
“That was the game,” Dante murmured. “One day when he was six or seven, he told me I was his best and I asked him his best what. He just shook his head at me so I started guessing words. Brother, friend…then I started making silly guesses just to make him laugh. When I was done, he said ‘Tudo.’” Dante’s fingers dug into my back as he whispered, “Everything.”
My Best Everything…
“We’d play the game every time I picked him up from somewhere…or dropped him off. Bedtime, in the morning…it didn’t matter. I just did it to make him laugh and he did it…”
Dante’s voice dropped off. I slid my hand up and down his icy back as I quietly asked, “Why did he do it?”
“To remind me I was perfect just the way I was, even when others told me I wasn’t.”
