“I know you are, Magnus.”
I didn’t know what else to say, but as more and more moisture soaked through my shirt, I turned my upper body and wrapped my arm around him, urging him to my chest. He pressed his forehead against me for a moment, but he was too quiet.
“It’s okay, Magnus. You can let go,” I whispered in his ear. A moment later, a strangled sob escaped his throat and his arms went around me. His hold was brutally tight, but I welcomed it. I pulled him closer until his face was resting in the crook of my neck and I dug my fingers into his back so he had no doubt that I wasn’t letting him go.
I was emotionally drained by the time Magnus’s shaking body settled and his breathing slowed. He eased his stranglehold on me, but didn’t release me all together. I leaned us back against the headstone, but kept Magnus tucked up against my side. Since he was resting quietly, I pulled my phone out of my pocket with my free hand and dialed Colton’s number. I was glad I’d had the forethought to exchange numbers with him earlier since I didn’t know if Magnus had his phone on him or not.
“Hey, it’s Dante,” I said when he answered. “I found him.”
“He okay?” Colton asked, his voice thick with worry.
“Yeah. I need a favor.”
“Of course.”
“You’ve got a horse trailer, right?”
“Yeah, I do,” Colton responded.
“Can you come pick up the horses? At the cemetery.”
There was a long pause and then Colton said, “I’m on my way.”
“Thanks.” I hung up the phone and realized maybe I’d misjudged the man.
After a few more minutes, Magnus sat up, forcing me to release him. He wiped at his eyes and then hung his head, presumably in embarrassment. I didn’t know what to say to him to ease the humiliation he had to be feeling. The man was a master at controlling his emotions around others and I had no doubt he was smarting now that he’d exposed such a raw part of himself to me.
“Dante.” Magnus’s voice was laden with pain and exhaustion.
“Yeah?”
“Can you take me home now, please?”
I wanted to do so much more than that, but I kept that fact to myself and said, “Yeah, Magnus, I can.”
I climbed to my feet and reached my hand down to his. He took it without hesitation. Once he was on his feet, he wobbled a bit, but stayed upright. I reluctantly released my hold on him, but stayed near his side as we began walking towards the SUV. I remembered the horses and was about to tell Magnus to hang on while I went to get them, but one glance over my shoulder showed that both animals were following us. Once we reached the truck, I opened the passenger side for Magnus and steadied his arm as he climbed in. When he made no move to buckle himself in, I realized I’d need to do it for him and since the SUV was too high for me just to reach over him to buckle the seatbelt, I had to stand on the running board. As I was leaning across his lap to lock the belt into the buckle, his hand came up to brush my face and I stilled at the rush of longing that went through me. I straightened enough so that our faces were nearly even. I tried to speak, but the power of speech seemed to have left me because I could do nothing but stand there in stunned silence as his thumb followed the line of my jaw and then brushed over my lower lip.
“So beautiful,” Magnus murmured and I felt my insides clench painfully.
He doesn’t know what he’s saying.
So why the fuck couldn’t I move? Why couldn’t I remove his hand? Why the hell had I let my lips part instead of dragging them free of the incendiary contact? Why were my fingers digging into the arm he was resting on his lap?
“Dante…” he murmured, his voice husky, desperate…pleading. And I knew without a shadow of a doubt what he wanted.
Jesus, I couldn’t do this. Even if he didn’t remember anything tomorrow, I would. But yet I still leaned forward…enough to watch Magnus’s eyes drift shut and to smell the faint scent of scotch on his breath.
Sanity returned in the form of Ace nudging my back and I jerked away from Magnus so fast, I hit my head on the top of the door frame. I met Magnus’s gaze as he reached out to settle his hand on Ace’s face. His eyes were filled with confusion and I hoped like hell he wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow. After studying me for several long seconds, Magnus leaned his head back against the seat and looked at Ace. “You’ll take care of the horses, right?” he murmured. I knew he’d be out in a matter of minutes because even now his eyes were drifting shut.
“I’ll take care of them,” I responded. “I’ll take care of everything, Magnus,” I whispered, but I had no idea if he heard me or not because he was asleep a moment later. I pushed Ace back enough so I could close the door and then led the horses around to the other side of the car so I could get it started. I turned up the heat and then closed the door and leaned back against it to wait for Colton. Ace bumped my chest and I put my hands on each side of his big face.
“I’m so fucked, Ace. Completely and totally fucked.”
Iwasfucked,but luckily Magnus remained blissfully unaware. I didn’t know what deity I had to thank for Magnus being a functioning drunk with a shitty memory, but I was willing to sign my firstborn over to make sure the man didn’t remember a single thing about the night before…specifically the part where I’d been about to take advantage of his vulnerability by kissing him. Sadly, no amount of alcohol would makemeforget the events that had transpired less than 72 hours ago.
I’d waited at the cemetery only long enough for Colton to arriveand begin loading up the horses. He’d wanted to see Magnus, but I’d hesitated, not wanting his friend to see him like that. It wasn’t that I thought Colton would think any less of Magnus, but I knew how much Magnus prided himself on his self-control. I suspected it would be bad enough if he knew I’d seen him like that. So once Colton had shown up, I’d handed him the reins, thanked him and made an excuse about Magnus being wiped out from the events of the day. I was sure the man hadn’t believed that was all there was to it, but he hadn’t pressed me for more. Once I’d gotten Magnus back to the house, it had taken some time to rouse him and get him up to his bedroom. I’d gotten him into bed, but had only removed his shoes since I was one hundred percent certain he wouldn’t like knowing I’d undressed him. Colton had arrived about ten minutes later, but had driven straight to the barn to unload the horses. He’d sent me a text telling me the horses were put up for the evening and that he’d fed them as well. He’d also asked me to have Magnus text him the following day if he was up to it.
Sunday morning had come and gone with not a peep out of Magnus. Afternoon was the same. By evening, I’d become concerned and knocked on his door. He’d quietly asked me to leave him alone through the door. I’d taken some dinner up to him that night, but hadn’t spoken to him again. By Monday morning, things were back to normal and Magnus was actually up before me. Freshly showered and shaven, he’d apologized for the day before saying he’d been worn out and had slept most of the day. There’d been no mention of the events that had transpired at the wake and afterwards. But there also hadn’t been any kind of awkwardness between us which was confirmation enough that he didn’t remember the details of that night or what I’d almost done.
