Yeah, right.
I wasin the midst of putting the dishes into the dishwasher when I heard Magnus say, “Do you want to say hi to Dante?”
I’d only been half-listening as Magnus video chatted with Matty in the living room, but the sound of my name had me pausing. In the few days since the day we’d arrived, Magnus and I had somehow managed to continue our truce. I suspected much of that had to do with how busy we’d kept ourselves working on getting the house fixed up along with preparing for the upcoming service for Jenna which was taking place the next day. Magnus had been pretty quiet and I couldn’t say I really blamed him. He was clearly struggling with having to take the final step of saying goodbye to his daughter.
I’d seen a glimpse of his grief two days earlier when we’d gone to the cemetery so Magnus could pick out the location where his daughter’s headstone would be placed. I’d respected his request to stay by the car since I’d had a good view of anyone coming or going, but I’d only had eyes for Magnus as he’d wandered around the small stretch of land with the caretaker, looking at what his options were. He’d told me it would only take a few minutes, but ithad ended up taking closer to an hour because once Magnus had picked the spot he’d wanted, he’d just stood there for the longest time, his gaze on the swath of empty, rolling land that bumped up against that side of the cemetery. I’d expected tears or some kind of emotion when he’d finally returned to the car, but there’d been nothing. The only evidence I’d seen that he was far from okay was the fact that he hadn’t wanted to see the headstone when the caretaker offered to show it to him and that he’d asked me to drive us back to the house. He’d spent the rest of the day working on repairing the damaged sections of fencing around the horses’ two paddocks. He hadn’t been interested in dinner and he’d ended up going to bed before darkness had even fallen, saying he had a headache.
We hadn’t talked much the last couple of days either, but luckily, I’d somehow managed to not make things worse. And while our conversations were limited to safe topics like the best approach to fixing something or what we should have for dinner, I’d ached to know the right thing to say to wipe away the haunted look that had taken up permanent residence on Magnus’s face. The only time it went away was when he was talking to Matty.
“Dante?”
“Yeah?” I called as I began wiping my hands on a towel since I knew what Magnus wanted.
“Matty wants to say hi.”
I left the kitchen and made my way to the living room. Magnus was sitting in the middle of the couch with his iPad propped up on the coffee table. I expected him to hand me the tablet, but when he made no move to pick it up, I stepped past his legs and sat down next to him on the couch. We weren’t touching, but we were close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off him. My physical need for Magnus hadn’t lessened in the least in the five days we’d spent together and I was finding it harder and harder to hide my body’s reaction whenever I was around him. But worse was my need for something beyond sex which was playing havoc with my brain.
I wanted that smile back…that laugh. I wanted those things to be directed my way.
“Hey, Matty,” I said as I forced myself to focus on the little boy.
“Hi!” he said with a wave. I could tell he was sitting on a couch or chair. It looked like Leo was sitting next to him, though all I could see of the other little boy was his bare arm - which I could only imagine meant the boy was half-naked as usual – and part of his dark hair.
“Look,” Matty said with excitement and then the view shifted and I was seeing a close-up of Matty’s head. I wasn’t sure what I was looking at so I glanced at Magnus.
He leaned over and whispered, “His hair is starting to grow back,” into my ear.
My entire body went crazy at the sensation of Magnus’s warm breath against the shell of my ear and I was more than half tempted to get up and go find the nearest bathroom so I could jack off. That or I’d be pushing Magnus flat onto his back and stretching my body over his…
“Wow, Matty! Your hair looks terrific,” I managed to say. The screen stayed still long enough for me to see the short brown hairs sprouting up from Matty’s head. I smiled when I realized what a big deal those little hairs were. Not just because Matty would once again look more like a regular kid, but because they were physical proof that his fight with cancer was over for now…and hopefully, forever. “Are you having fun staying at Leo’s house?” I asked. I knew Hawke and Tate had left for Greece the day before, but I suspected it would be harder for them to be away from Matty than the other way around.
“I got to go to school!” Matty said excitedly. “Miss Savannah said I could come visit every day if I wanted.”
“That’s great,” I responded, though I wasn’t really sure what that meant.
“Miss Savannah is Logan Barretti’s sister. She teaches Kindergarten at the school Matty will be going to next year,” Magnus explained. “Hawke and Tate are working with the school to try and get Matty caught up so he can be in the same grade as other kids his age next fall.”
I nodded in understanding. The kid was super smart so I had no doubt he’d catch up with very little effort.
“Did you ask him, Pop-pop?”
I glanced at Magnus and was surprised to see his face flood with just the slightest hint of color.
“Um no, not yet,” he said, sending me a small smile and shaking his head.
Were they talking about me?
“You should ask him before someone else does,” Matty declared and then I saw Leo lean over and whisper something to Matty. He nodded vigorously before saying, “Pop-pop, I gotta go…we’re going on a mission.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Matty nodded. “Love you lots.”
Magnus’s expression softened as he said, “Forever and ever.”
I smiled when I realized they were the words Matty and his fathers often exchanged. Hawke and Tate had even said them during their wedding vows.
I’d had my own special saying with someone a lifetime ago so I knew the emotional impact it could have…a good one if that person was still around to share it with…a bittersweet one if they weren’t.
