Until Mace.
The anger may have started to fade but the hurt was front and center. And I had no one to blame for that but myself. Because I’d trusted Mace. I’d wanted to connect with him. I’d wanted…him.
The object of my thoughts rounded the house and began climbing the porch stairs when he saw me and stopped. My eyes settled on the rifle in his hand and how easily he held it. Like it was an extension of his body.
“I was just checking the perimeter,” he said quietly. His gaze raked over me and I felt an intense longing – the same longing I’d felt last night when he’d kissed me and I’d needed more.
Mace shifted his eyes from me and then reached for the screen door.
“Was it all a lie?” I found myself asking even though I hadn’t meant to.
Mace’s hand froze on the door handle and I could see the knuckles were turning white from how tightly he was holding it. He didn’t say anything at first, and I regretted the question because I knew I wouldn’t be able to believe anything he said to me anyway.
“Our kiss last night…” he whispered and I flinched because I’d wanted more than anything to believe that his kiss had been real. “The last time I kissed someone was my wife, the day we lost our son…eight years ago.”
With that, Mace disappeared into the house and I could only sit there in mute silence as I tried to grasp the enormity of what he’d just told me.
Chapter 15
MACE
My whole bodyshook as I entered the house. I hadn’t meant to tell Jonas that, but I knew he’d never have believed me if I’d answered him with a simple “no.”
I didn’t notice Cole until I was practically on top of him and I knew just from looking at him that he’d heard what I said to Jonas. I hated the look of pity I saw in his eyes but I realized it didn’t matter. Whatever tension had and still existed between us didn’t matter because he would walk away with everything I wanted. He was everything I’d once been a lifetime ago before one careless oversight destroyed my entire world. Before I’d drowned myself in liquor, sex and the quest for vengeance.
I’d seen Cole kiss Jonas as I was heading out of the kitchen, because I’d been too disturbed to watch Jonas’s meltdown, knowing I was the cause of it. Their kiss was everything I’d expected it to be…beautiful, perfect, devastating. With one achingly sweet kiss, Cole had taken away a little bit of the pain I’d heaped on Jonas. It was the only measure of comfort I took from the whole situation. Even if Cole was straight, I could see by the way he looked at Jonas that he wasn’t using Jonas out of some need to test his sexuality. Not like I’d used him…
“Perimeter’s clear,” I said as I handed the rifle to him. “I’m going to go take a shower.”
“Mace-”
I ignored Cole and hurried up the stairs and found an empty guest room that had an attached bathroom. I hadn’t had a chance to clean up the night before because just minutes after I’d finally forced myself to go into the house after the brutal confrontation with Jonas, I’d heard him screaming. After helping Cole subdue him, I’d stayed in the room in case he had any more episodes. Seeing the two of them lying together had done something to me, though. It was the same thing I’d felt when I saw Jonas hug Cole in the studio the day after they’d met…I was on the outside looking in on something I wanted to be a part of. It was a startling realization that I wanted them both. Initially I’d brushed off the attraction I had towards Cole as just that – attraction. But there was something about Cole that drew me in – his strength probably. He gave me something I hadn’t really even realized I needed, just like Jonas did.
But I knew now that nothing about what I was feeling was simple. I didn’t understand it but seeing them together somehow felt…right. My world felt right when I was around both of them at the same time. Even with things as fucked up as they were, I took comfort in seeing them together.
I cursed the ridiculousness of my thoughts as I stepped out of my clothes and climbed into the shower. Cole had covered the wound he’d stitched up for me with a waterproof bandage so I didn’t have to worry about not getting the stitches wet.
That was something else that had surprised me. I’d expected another confrontation this morning when Cole had come into the kitchen. But instead of railing at me or shooting questions at me as I sat sipping coffee at the kitchen table, he’d simply poured himself a cup of coffee and made pancakes from a box of mix he’d found in the pantry. We’d eaten in silence and then he’d made a batch for Jonas and disappeared upstairs. I’d made the mistake of following him so I could see for myself how Jonas was doing but then I’d heard Jonas say he didn’t want me around so I’d gone back to the kitchen, the pain of Jonas’s hatred making my insides bleed.
When Cole had come back down, he’d tossed a first aid kit down in front of me. But it wasn’t just any first aid kit when I’d opened it. There’d been an array of scissors, scalpels and needles. I’d had to assume the kit belonged to the owner of the house and while he cleaned my wound, I’d prepared the needle. The only time he’d spoken was to warn me just before he pushed the needle into my skin.
After my shower, I hunted around under the vanity, unearthing a spare toothbrush and a bottle of mouthwash. I made use of both and then crashed on the bed with the intention of just grabbing a few minutes to try and gather myself together. The plan was to go downstairs and finish this thing with Cole and Jonas, since the sooner we figured out who’d set all this up, the sooner I could fuck them up and then get the hell out, but I ended up falling asleep and didn’t wake until it was already dark outside.
I found Jonas and Cole working side by side doing dishes from whatever meal they’d prepared for dinner. They worked in silence but I could see them occasionally looking at each other.
Jonas was the first to notice me, and I was glad to see he didn’t look away from me like he had earlier this morning when he’d seen me watching him and Cole sleeping.
“Dinner’s in the microwave,” he said quietly before returning his attention to the dishes.
“Not hungry,” I murmured as I went to the table and sat down. “We need to figure out our next steps,” I said.
“The guys last night – were they yours?” Cole asked.
I shook my head.
“How do you know?”
“Because my guys wouldn’t have missed,” I said simply. “They also would have had the patience to wait until Jonas was alone to take him out.”
