I knew at that point that I should leave him, but I foundmyself needing the comfort that his body draped over mine brought. I’d been on an adrenaline rush from the moment I’d broken into Mace’s apartment and found his rifle, and the impending crash was hitting me hard. I actually didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep until I heard Jonas screaming next to me. At first when his fist slammed into my chest, I thought he was attacking me but then I realized he wasn’t even awake. His whole body thrashed on the bed as he begged his unseen attacker to stop.
I’d managed to get a hold of the arm Jonas had hit me with but in his terror, I couldn’t prevent him from kicking at me as his other fist struck me in the head. I heard the door to the room crash open and then light flooded the room. I looked over my shoulder to see Mace standing in the doorway and then he was moving. I was sure he was going to rip me off of Jonas thinking I was the one responsible for his screams, but instead he went around the bed to Jonas’s side and gently grabbed his flailing arm.
“Jonas,” he called out.
Jonas’s eyes snapped open and he looked wildly around until he settled them first on Mace and then on me. Awareness returned to him and then he closed his eyes and began to cry. He tugged his arm free of Mace’s hold, but instead of turning away from me, he rolled against my chest and wrapped his arms around me as sob after sob rattled through him. I laid back on the bed and held him as I whispered soothing words against his head and stroked his back. I spared Mace a glance who was watching us with such a pained expression that I wanted to reach out to him too. Mace took several steps back from the bed but instead of leaving, he turned the lights off and then sat down in a chair in the corner and watched us. I remembered his comment about having to watch Jonas do this night after night and some of my anger towards Mace receded a little. And was replaced with guilt.
What if what Mace had said was right? What if I had caused this by making Jonas relive Carrie’s murder and subsequently his own past?
“Don’t,” I heard Mace say so softly I barely heard him. I lookedover at him. “Don’t put this on yourself,” he said quietly. “This is on me. Just me.”
I didn’t know what to say to that but I knew he was wrong. Because we’d both done this. And come tomorrow, Mace and I were going to figure out how the hell to fix it.
Together.
Chapter 14
JONAS
When I heardthe bedroom door open, I closed my eyes in the childish hope that my visitor would think I was asleep and leave me alone. I hadn’t been – not in any of the endless hours since I’d woken up to find myself pressed against Cole’s chest, my lips just a breath away from his nipple and my arm wrapped around his waist. The room had been dark, but I’d been able to tell by his even breathing that he was asleep and I’d carefully extricated myself from his hold so I could escape his touch. I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure what Cole’s role in all of this had been, but it hadn’t mattered because in that moment, I couldn’t stand his touch. My skin felt like something was trying to crawl out from beneath it and even the soft comforter had made me want to scream in agony. But I’d known pretty much right away that I was naked beneath the stifling blanket so I’d had no choice but to leave it on.
I’d rolled away from Cole but had felt my heart stop at the sight of Mace sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. Even without light, I’d known he was awake and watching me. I’d felt the bile creeping up the back of my throat as he’d watched me and I’d had no choice but to bury my face in the too soft pillow beneath my head in the hopes of quelling the nausea that rolled through me. Amoment later the bedroom door had softly shut but it had taken me several moments to garner enough courage to open my eyes to see that Mace had indeed left.
I’d felt Cole leave the bed a couple of hours later as light started to filter through the curtains but I didn’t move and I was glad when he didn’t speak to me. I hadn’t moved after that, not even when my body began to cramp from the position I’d pulled myself up into. My brain was still struggling to process the events of last night after Mace’s bone-melting kiss, but I hadn’t been able to give much thought to anything other than knowing what vile things Mace had thought me capable of doing. The idea that he’d believed I was like the monsters who’d preyed on me the moment I stepped off that bus in Chicago nine years ago was abhorrent to me, and all I really wanted to do was wake up from what had to be another one of my many nightmares.
“Jonas.”
I flinched at the sound of Cole’s voice but when he sat down on the bed behind me and settled his hand on my shoulder, I jerked away from him until there was no room on the bed for me to escape to.
“You need to eat something.”
I forced myself to sit up, keeping my back to him. “I want my phone,” I said.
Cole didn’t answer me but I felt his weight shift off the bed. I closed my eyes when I sensed him come around to my side of the bed and sit in the chair Mace had been sitting in last night. I hated that part of me wanted him to try to touch me again.
“We can’t risk turning it on. Someone could be tracking it,” Cole said gently. “There’s no land line here but we’ll get some burner phones as soon as we can, okay?”
I nodded. “Is he still here?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want him here.” Even as I said the words, I knew that Cole wasn’t the only one to hear them because I felt a chill go up my spine. I forced my eyes open and glanced over my shoulder to see Mace standing in the doorway, his shuttered eyes watching me.He turned away before I did and I heard his footsteps on the stairs.
“Jonas,” Cole said as he reached for my hand.
“Don’t,” I whispered as I pulled my hand from out of his reach. “I don’t…I can’t…”
I didn’t look at Cole as I spoke but heard him settle back down in the chair. “We need to figure out what’s going on,” Cole said. “Like it or not, Mace is the only one who might have some answers.”
I managed a nod. “Do you…do you believe the things he said about me?” I forced myself to ask.
The bed next to me shifted and I felt Cole’s thigh brush against mine through the blanket. I tried to pull away but his hand snaked around to grab the back of my neck to hold me still.
“Look at me,” Cole said, the soft order leaving no room for argument.
I opened my eyes even as I tried to hold back the pain that bloomed in my chest. “I don’t believe one fucking word of it,” Cole said angrily. “And neither does he…not anymore.”
Not anymore.
