“You saved mine too.”
I began shaking my head but Mace put his hand up. “The thing Jonas said about you using me…we both know that isn’t true. The only people who might have had a chance of saving me after what happened to my son would have been Jonas or Cole. I wouldn’t have given up on ending my life for anyone but them…not my parents, not my ex, not you.”
To my shock, I actually felt a shimmer of relief go through me. I’d found Mace by pure chance after his son’s killer had come to my attention. I often researched how the surviving victims of my mark’s crimes were doing…maybe because it made it so much easier to pull the trigger, maybe because I needed to know that the sin I was committing was truly justified beyond the victims who were no longer among us. I wasn’t really sure. But learning about Mace had hit entirely too close to home. Because his guilt had driven him to try taking his life, much like mine had done to me. Hawke had saved me and I knew I could do the same for Mace. I’d met him just after he’d been released from the psych ward he’d been admitted to after he’d tried to commit suicide. After a brief conversation with the belligerent, bitter man, I’d known he’d try it again the first chance he got. So I’d killed the man who’d taken his son’s life and offered Mace a chance to do for other kids what he hadn’t been able to do for his own child.
“You gave me a reason to live. I could have walked away from you, the job, any of it at any point. I didn’t because I needed it. Because it was all I had to keep me going, even if it was stealing little pieces from me bit by bit. Now I live for Jonas and Cole. I never would have had that chance if it hadn’t been for you.”
I was overwhelmed by the admission so all I managed was a brief nod. “Do they know you’re here?” I asked.
“Cole and Jonas?”
I nodded.
“They know. And they’re completely okay with it, Ronan. Like it or not, you’re family to us.”
I swallowed hard at that.
“Cole will be stopping by later tonight to spell me, if that’s okay with you.”
I felt pathetic for not being able to find my voice as I nodded yet again. As strange as being reunited with Mace and his lovers was, I would gladly accept the ex-cop and his Navy SEAL boyfriend’s help.
“Hawke gave me some of the details. Can you fill me in on the rest?”
“Yeah,” I finally said. My voice sounded shaky and uneven but I was glad that Mace didn’t seem to notice…or that he was kind enough not to remark on it.
I took a deep breath and sank farther onto the couch as I began outlining the attacks on Seth, starting with the one that had happened the day I’d walked back into his life.
God,what the fuck was I doing?
I was in the process of debating whether I should go through with opening the door when a harried young woman trotted up to me. She glanced at me as I blocked the door and it took her saying, “Are you going in?” to get me moving.
I murmured an apology and opened the door for her. Before I could even decide if I should walk through it, another woman carrying a baby and holding a little boy’s hand walked out and nodded her thanks.
I forced myself to enter the building, but felt my stomach clench as the woman I’d seen enter was walking through a doorway at the other end of the small space, a little girl in tow. “Bye, Jonas,” the girl called as she waved enthusiastically.
“Bye, Alyssa! See you next week.”
I managed to pull myself from my daze long enough to open thedoor for the woman again and once she was gone, I didn’t hear or see anything. The decision to come see Jonas Davenport had been an impulse because when I’d asked Mace to keep an eye on Seth for a little while, my only intention had been to go outside and get some air. But Mace’s visit had thrown me for a loop, as had his words about saving him. And then my last conversation with Jonas before I’d killed one of his attackers ran through my head. He’d thanked me for saving both Cole and Mace’s lives. Right after he’d asked me that damning question that I could no longer adamantly answer yes to.
Did it work for you?
I’d always been sure that the path I’d chosen after Trace’s death had saved me…had given me a new purpose in my life. But being with Seth…
God, I wantedhimto be my purpose in life.
It was that realization that had caused me to get a cab and head to Brooklyn to see Jonas. Because it didn’t matter what Mace said about me saving him. I needed to know that if I were to answer Jonas’s question the way I really wanted to, would it change anything?
I forced myself to walk towards the back room where I knew Jonas kept the studio that he used to teach art to underprivileged kids whose schools could no longer afford art programs. I glanced at the art on the walls of the gallery which made up the front of the building. All of the artwork was on canvases and ranged from simple pictures of stick figures all the way up to more abstract-looking art with a wide array of colors and textures. Each canvas had a name on it and I could only imagine the pride each little boy or girl must have felt as they saw their art hanging on the spacious brick walls for all the community to see.
I saw Jonas as soon as I reached the studio doorway, but he had his back to me because he was bent over a canvas on a table in the center of the room. A little girl with mousy brown hair tied up in a tight ponytail was standing next to him, but her bright green eyes were on me. I guessed her to be seven or eight at the most. Her expression was blank as she watched me, but her small body wasdrawn up tight with nervousness. I saw her reach her hand up to tug on the end of Jonas’s shirt.
Jonas automatically put his hand down on her shoulder as he turned but when he saw me, he froze and his mouth opened wide. “Ronan,” he whispered.
It took him only a moment to recover, but that was probably because the little girl had pressed even closer to him. He automatically knelt down so he was at her level. “Natalie, this is my friend, Ronan.” Jonas’s eyes shifted up to mine. “Ronan, this is Natalie. She’s one of my best students.”
Natalie’s eyes lit up just a little bit at that and she turned to look at Jonas. He brushed his fingers over her cheek. “Do you want to hear a secret about Ronan?”
The girl glanced at me and then nodded.
