“Thanks,” I muttered as I went up the steps. I had my hand on the door when I turned to face Hawke. “Daisy has a case. The guy’s only about an hour away-”
“I’ll take care of it,” Hawke said instantly. “Just go be with him.”
Relief flooded my system, but I wasn’t sure if it was because Hawke was giving me an out to ending another life or if it was because he knew I needed to be with Seth tonight. I nodded and turned my back to him. “Thank you,” I said softly as I opened the door. I didn’t wait to see if Hawke said anything back.
Once inside, I checked the kitchen for Seth but it was empty. I didn’t bother checking the rest of the lower floor for him because I suspected where he’d gone. I was right when I opened his bedroom door. He was lying in the middle of his bed with Bullet next to him, his big body pressed up against Seth’s front. Seth’s eyes were open, but I wasn’t sure if they were really seeing anything. His hand was buried in Bullet’s fur. Bullet looked at me and thumped his tail but didn’t move from Seth’s side.
Because he knew what Seth needed.
And for once, so did I.
I went around the other side of the bed and toed off my shoes before climbing on the mattress and lying down next to Seth. I shifted my position so my front was pressed to his back.
“I can’t,” Seth whispered. “Please, Ronan…I can’t.”
I knew what he was talking about and shame went through me that he thought that I would take advantage of him while he was this vulnerable.
“I know,” I whispered just before I placed a kiss on the back of his neck. I wrapped my arm around Seth’s waist and shifted forward until there was no space between our bodies.
“I have a confession to make,” I said to Seth.
I felt Seth tense against me. “What is it?”
I remained quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “I’ve been letting you win at Tetris.”
It took Seth a moment to catch up and then he relaxed in my hold and let out a little laugh. “Liar,” he chuckled.
The insertion of levity seemed to work because Seth reacheddown to take the hand I had pressed against his stomach and drew it up to his chest. He linked our fingers together and then turned his head to look over his shoulder at me. I leaned down to brush my lips over his but kept the kiss brief.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” I whispered. “Ever.”
“I know,” Seth responded, his eyes on mine. He turned his attention back to Bullet but his next words stole my breath. “I love you, Ronan.”
Chapter 22
Seth
“You okay?”
I managed a shaky nod and tried to unclench my fists where they were bunched in my lap. The jet was in final preparations for take-off, so I knew I hadn’t even gotten through the worst of it yet. The layout of the luxurious plane was such that some of the seats were actually the size of loveseats and they faced the middle of the plane rather than the front of it. I’d chosen one of the benches so Bullet would have more room to lie at my feet. Ronan was sitting across from me on another bench and Hawke was closer to the back of the plane.
I hadn’t had any issue with Ronan’s suggestion that we leave for New York a couple days ahead of schedule. And while I didn’t like the feeling that I was running away from something, I knew I was too close to breaking down completely after what had happened in the parking garage at my building and the second attempt on Bullet’s life.
After Ronan had crawled into bed with me, we hadn’t talked much because my mind and body had started to shut down from the stress. But feeling Ronan’s warmth at my back had helped ease thesense of cold that had settled over me and I’d managed to fall asleep at some point. Ronan was gone by the time I woke up the following morning, but Bullet had still been in bed with me. It had been well after ten in the morning when I’d woken up and found Ronan working on his computer in the kitchen. I’d been torn between the need to leave the house and go to work just to prove to myself that I still could, and spending the rest of the day hiding out in my room like I wanted to. Ronan hadn’t pushed me either way, but it was his whispered words from the night before that had me making a decision.
I won’t let anyone hurt you. Ever.
Ihadbelieved Ronan when he said that. So I’d asked him to take me back to the office. I’d been too on edge to actually get any work done, so we’d only stayed for a little while. The hardest part had been going down to the garage to get the rental car. I hated that I’d been forced to seek out Ronan’s hand yet again, but I’d known if I didn’t have him to ground me, I wouldn’t have been able to move forward.
It was over dinner the night before that Ronan suggested we leave for New York the following day. Ronan and I had played video games after dinner, but my heart hadn’t been in it and I’d excused myself early so I could go to bed. A part of me had hoped that Ronan would come to me again like the night before but he hadn’t. I knew it was for the best because despite Ronan’s words that no one would ever hurt me again, I knew he was wrong. Because he was the one hurting me. Every look, every touch was a reminder of what I would be losing when Ronan decided to walk away from me again. Ihadbeen wrong about Ronan’s feelings the night we’d made love and I’d confronted him afterwards about his unwillingness to let me comfort him with my touch.
It was in that moment that I’d finally come to accept that I couldn’t fix whatever was broken inside of Ronan. I’d thought by giving him every part of myself that it would be enough, but it wasn’t. It never would be. Ronan had and always would love only one man. A man I couldn’t compete with and didn’t want to.
The jet jerked over some kind of bump on the tarmac and I barely managed to swallow the whimper in my throat. I’d been on planes before, but I’d been so young then that being on them had been more about the excitement of going anywhere other than home. I hadn’t yet understood the concept of mortality or how one simple twist of fate could change everything.
Bullet sat up and put his head on my lap. I managed to unclench one of my hands long enough to drop it on his head, but as the jet began racing down the runway, I felt my panic start to rise. Bullet whined but it was Ronan who got up from his seat and moved across the jet to sit down next to me. I saw the single flight attendant flash him a disapproving look, but I doubted Ronan noticed or even cared. His hand forced mine open so he could link our fingers and then he was drawing my body against his. In one way, it was exactly what I needed. In another way, it was exactly what I didn’t.
My second declaration of love had been ignored just like the first one, but I really hadn’t expected anything different. I’d sensed that I wouldn’t have much more time with Ronan because he had continued to withdraw from me emotionally, even as he physically kept me close. And once several more men had arrived to watch the house, I’d felt like it was the beginning of the end. Because Ronan was only keeping his promise not to let anyone hurt me. He’d never promised me he’d stay with me.
