I did as he said but couldn’t manage to hold it. “Try again,” Ronan urged.
I swallowed hard and then sucked in a breath. It seemed like forever before Ronan told me to release it and then he was telling me to do it again. I did it at least a dozen times before Ronan told me to stop and I was surprised to find it easier to breathe again.
“How long have you been coming here?” Ronan asked.
“Not long,” I admitted. “I started going into the office about a month ago. The choice to come out here was an impulse…I hadn’t seen it since that night.”
“Have you gone inside?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t been able to get out of the car.”
Ronan nodded in understanding. “Are you hoping to move back here someday?”
“No,” I said adamantly. “Never.”
“Then why not just sell it?”
I’d asked myself that same question a thousand times. Even Barry, who I’d expected would have encouraged me to slay my demons before getting rid of the house, had said it would be a mistake to come back here.
“I…I need to let it go first, you know? If I don’t…”
“You’re afraid you’ll only remember it the way it was that night.”
I nodded. “So many good things happened in this house. But it’s hard to remember them.”
“There’s no rush, Seth. It’ll happen when you’re ready.”
I dropped my eyes. “It’s been six years, Ronan. I need it to be over.”
I could feel Ronan’s eyes on me for a long time and then he released my hand. But instead of starting up the car, he got out and walked around to my side and opened the door. He took my hand and linked our fingers together. “Then let’s do this.”
Chapter 17
Ronan
Seth’s handwas clammy and cold in mine and part of me wanted to turn around and lead him back to the car so he wouldn’t have to do this. But the desperation in his voice and knowing how long the home he’d once loved had tormented him for had me steeling myself to face whatever struggle Seth would have to go through so he could end this. Although I was in front of Seth, I made sure not to force him forward and when we finally reached the front door, I handed him the car keys. I waited patiently as he sucked in a deep breath and took the keys and then searched through them until he found the house key. It took him a few seconds to get the key into the lock but then he froze. His whole body was stiff with tension and he was shaking violently.
I put my hand on the back of his neck and leaned down to put my face next to his. “I’m right here,” I whispered. “You can do this.” I held myself there until Seth closed his eyes and nodded. He took a deep breath and turned the key and I released him as he pushed the door open. We were greeted with a dank, stale smell and the house was completely dark since all the curtains were drawn. Seth’s hand sought out mine again and I gladly took it and followed him inside. I found a light switch near the front door and flipped iton and was relieved to see the power was on because light flooded the darkness. We were standing in the front foyer and the first thing I noticed was a small stack of mail sitting on a side table. Next to the mail was a set of keys and a handful of change. It looked suspiciously like someone had emptied his or her pockets as they were coming in the door. Seth’s father probably.
I had only been to the Mercer Island house a couple of times but I remembered enough of the layout to determine that the stairs in front of us led to the second floor where all the bedrooms were. The living room and dining room were off to the left and the kitchen was to the right. The rooms on the lower floor were connected in a way that they formed a complete circle when you added in the front parlor. I wasn’t sure where the attack had happened so I didn’t know what to expect when Seth led me to the left. But within seconds, I had my answer because the living room was a disaster. Debris littered the floor and there was black powder covering many of the surfaces – it took me a moment to realize it was the powder crime scene investigation units used to look for fingerprints. The couch and chair were upright but the cushions were slashed. The glass in the coffee table had been shattered and lay all over the expensive oriental rug beneath it. All of the artwork and pictures that I remembered as having covered the walls were lying strewn on the floor and I realized the intruders had likely pulled them off in search of the supposed safe they thought Seth’s father had.
Seth had frozen next to me as we entered the living room but his eyes were focused on one spot. At first I thought he might be looking at the couch but when I moved to the right just a little bit to get a better view, I saw what looked like gauze lying on the floor. I tightened my hold on Seth’s hand and gently pulled him forward so I could get a better look. As soon as I walked past the couch, I realized why Seth had gotten stuck where he’d stood.
I’d been right that the white stuff was gauze. But there were a lot of other items too and most of them were covered in blood. Discarded bandaging, latex gloves and what looked like a blood soaked shirt littered the floor. A pool of dried blood that was nearlyblack stained the carpet and there was an even bigger one a couple feet away. I swallowed hard as I realized I was looking at the spot Seth had been tortured and stabbed and where the paramedics had fought to save his life. Which meant the bigger stain of blood had belonged to Seth’s father.
“They cut his throat,” I heard Seth whisper next to me.
I closed my eyes to try to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. I’d seen my fair share of horrible things but knowing the suffering Seth and his parents had endured made me want to throw up. I instantly felt like I was back in the darkened alley between the two storage buildings at the base Trace and I had been stationed at. An image of Trace’s blood stained-face assailed me but I forced it away and turned my attention on Seth.
He was deathly pale and his breathing was rapidly increasing. I used my free hand to check the pulse on his hand that was still gripping mine and felt it thrumming rapidly. Seth’s gaze was stuck on the horrific scene in front of us so I stepped in front of him to block his view and gently grabbed his face and forced his attention on me. “Seth, tell me something good that happened here.”
“What?” Seth asked in confusion.
“Tell me a good memory you have of this room.”
Seth hesitated and then nodded slightly. “Um…Christmas. We’d always put the tree over there,” he said as he motioned to one corner of the room.
“Was there one that stood out?” I asked as I stroked his skin with my thumbs.
