I turned back to stare at the gate. Seth’s message couldn’t be any clearer. Even in the three years after I’d walked away from him after he’d kissed me, he’d never changed the codes on the gate or the doors.
Because he’d hoped I would come back…because he would have accepted me back.
“You take care of things on your end?” Hawke asked.
“What?” I asked in confusion as I glanced over my shoulder at him.
“The girl...” he said.
“Daisy,” I supplied. “Yeah, she’s onboard.”
When I’d called Hawke in the early morning hours after I’d made love to Seth, I’d told him I needed him to watch Seth so I could fly to Ohio to recruit a potential new tech guy…well, girl in this case. Daisy Washburne was a twenty-year-old hacker who’d spent the last several years trying to track down the men who’d raped and murdered her mother. And while she’d managed to find the men and use her extensive talents to ruin them financially and personally, they’d sought their own form of vengeance. I’d been lucky enough to come across the notes Benny had collected regarding the chatter between the two men as they’d searched for someone to find Daisy and take her out. I’d managed to stop the hit in time while Hawke had taken care of the men who’d killed Daisy’s mother.
I hadn’t considered offering Daisy a position in the organization because I’d learned my lesson with Mace Calhoun. As wounded and damaged as Daisy was, I didn’t want to exploit her talents for my own gain; not if it meant deepening her wounds instead of healing them. But somehow she’d found me, though I still had no idea how she’d done it and she refused to say. I could only assume she’d found something in the men’s emails that led to the Deep Web where they’d recruited the hit man and subsequently been tagged by Benny’s algorithm.
In any case, I’d gotten an email a few weeks later asking to meet. I’d agreed but more out of curiosity than anything else. But the meeting had quickly turned into a pitch of sorts – as in, she was pitching herself to me. I’d resisted but it wasn’t her surprisingly vast knowledge of me and the group I’d set up to protect people like her that had me relenting. It was the unfettered desperation in her voice, the frantic need for something more than just the closure the deaths of her mother’s murderers had brought her. It was a look I knew all too well. I’d finally told her I’d think about it. I’d spent the last two days researching what Daisy’s life had become after the loss of her mother and her quest for vengeance and when I’d realized I could give her the piece that was missing from her life, I’d gone back to Ohio to offer her the job. I hadn’t held anything back when I’d told her in detail what she was signing up for and I’d watched her carefully for any sign of hesitation. All I’d seen was a fierce determination along with a look of hope so strong, that I’d had no reservations about giving her instructions on how to meet up with Mav so he could show her the ropes.
And not once in all that time had I reached out to Seth. And unlike the last time I’d left him, Seth didn’t contact me.
“I really fucked this up,” I whispered more to myself than to Hawke.
“Yeah,” I heard Hawke say from somewhere behind me.
I hadn’t told Hawke I’d slept with Seth but from the inflection in his voice, I suspected he had already figured it out. “How’d you know?”
“The look on his face when he walked into the kitchen and saw me sitting there instead of you. Revay used to get that look when she found out I was only home for a day or two between missions.”
“He’s never been very good at hiding what he’s feeling,” I mused, my eyes still on the heavy iron gate in front me.
“Maybe,” Hawke said quietly. “Or maybe you’ve just gotten too good at it.”
I glanced over my shoulder at the man behind me. It was on the tip of my tongue to remind Hawke that I’d had a good teacher but I kept silent. He wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true and just because I felt the need to physically lash out at someone didn’t mean I should. And least of all a man I knew wouldn’t hesitate to knock me on my ass…and was also the closest thing I had to a friend these days.
While I’d undergone basic training as part of joining the army, it was Hawke who’d shown me what fighting for my life really meant. Before Hawke, I could manage to fire a weapon at a target and perform a few self-defense moves, but it wasn’t until after he’d spent the better part of a year showing me the many ways I could take a man’s life, whether it be with a gun, a knife or just my hands, that I’d actually felt some of the power and control that had been stolen me from the night of Trace’s death come back to me. In reality, they were things I’d never really had and now I couldn’t imagine a life without them. Even if I somehow found the courage to pick up a scalpel again, I’d be more inclined to think about how to take a life with it rather than save one.
My thoughts drifted back to Seth and I could actually see his expression as he walked into his kitchen, his body sore but sated. He would have been nervous to see me but he would have been excited too. Even not knowing where we stood, he wouldn’t have been ableto keep the emotion out of his gaze as he watched me with hopeful eyes…hopeful that I’d draw him into my arms and tell him how fucking amazing the night before had been. Hopeful that I would have closed my mouth over his and shown him that everything had changed between us.
Everythinghadchanged. Just not in the way Seth wanted. Not in the way I wanted, either.
“You mind checking the perimeter?” I asked as I gave Hawke a quick glance.
He studied me for a long moment but didn’t say anything. He merely brushed past me and reached up to pull himself over the short wall that bordered the front of the property. Bullet took off after Hawke as he began walking towards the side of the house so he could check out the back of the property. I left my car where it was and followed Hawke over the wall. Bullet came running back to give me a cursory greeting and then he was chasing after Hawke again.
I didn’t bother going to the front door when I reached the house since I doubted Seth would answer it. As I walked around the back of the house, I saw Hawke and Bullet disappearing into the tree line to the right of the house.
Once I reached the patio, I passed by the study door but stopped when I saw Seth sitting at his father’s desk. I rapped my knuckles on the door and felt instantly bad when I saw Seth jump in his chair. His eyes fell almost immediately when he recovered but I didn’t miss the message when he turned his attention back to his computer.
“Seth,” I said loudly enough so I was sure he’d hear me. “I’ll break it down.”
I saw Seth’s jaw harden and I hated to admit how it turned me on. As much as I loved when Seth was willing and pliant in my arms, I loved this side of him too. It was a reminder that he wasn’t some innocent, naïve kid. My Seth had a gentle soul but a backbone made of steel.
Fuck.MySeth? He wasn’t my anything.
To my surprise, and my traitorous body’s excitement, Seth ignored me. I didn’t bother with another warning because I was tookeyed up as it was. I needed to get us back to where we’d been before I’d made the mistake of touching him. Reaching under my jacket, I pulled one of my Glocks free from the shoulder holster and prepared to knock out the glass panel closest to the deadbolt when the sound of a gunshot ripped through the air. It was off in the distance but close enough to have come from Seth’s property. Concern rushed through me and I grabbed my phone and hit the speed dial for Hawke.
“What was that?” Seth asked as he tore the door open. “Was that a gunshot?”
“Go back inside,” I ordered as Hawke’s voicemail picked up.
