The truck lurched to a stop in front of the motel and Hawke was out of the truck before I could finish my sentence. I followed him into the motel room and watched in silence as he gathered our few belongings. When he tried to walk past me and out of the room,I stepped into his path. “Please don’t do this,” I said quietly, trying like hell to keep my voice from breaking.
I held Hawke’s gaze as he studied me for a long time. Hope sparked to life in my belly when he reached out to cup my face, his big, warm hand settling just behind my ear. I held my breath as I waited for him to kiss me, but instead of pressing his lips to mine, he dropped them to my forehead and lingered there for a moment before pulling back and saying, “We should get going.”
And I knew in that moment that nothing I said or did would change his mind.
It was hours later when I finally became aware of my surroundings after I’d turned my gaze out the truck’s window and kept it there. I had no idea what city we were in, or even what state, and I found that I didn’t care. I hadn’t spoken to Hawke and he hadn’t said a word to me. I hadn’t called Matty either and I couldn’t even muster the energy to do that now.
Hawke had selected an exit from the Interstate that was well populated with hotels, restaurants and gas stations. He’d parked the truck in a parking lot of a drug store and when I forced myself to look at him, he said, “Why don’t you drop off your film for one-hour processing and I’ll get us checked in,” he said as he motioned to the hotel next door. “We can eat while we’re waiting for the pictures.”
I managed a nod, but didn’t trust myself to speak. With the line at the photo department, it took about ten minutes to drop off my film and I was assured it would be ready within the hour. Hawke was waiting for me outside the drug store. “That place okay?” he asked as he pointed to a diner on the opposite side of the drug store.
“Yeah,” I managed to say.
We ate in silence, though I couldn’t force more than a few bites past my lips and I ignored the dessert Hawke ordered for me. By the time we were on our way back to the drug store to get my photos, I truly feared I would lose what little I’d eaten right there in the parking lot. I was still in a daze as I waited for the clerk to get my pictures for me when Hawke murmured in my ear that he’d be right back. The clerk was already ringing me up whenHawke returned and I became instantly alert when he plopped something down on the counter and said, “This too please” to the clerk.
The sight of the bottle of lube had me lifting my eyes to seek out Hawke’s and I saw the hunger in them. Despite my inner turmoil, my whole body drew up tight with anticipation. I barely noticed Hawke pay for both my pictures and the lube because all I was aware of was the moment Hawke reached down to link his fingers with mine. It felt so right that my heart surged with joy even as my brain fought to accept that what was going to happen between us would be just more pretending.
Because Hawke didn’t really want me. My body, yes…me, no. And as hard as that was to accept, I knew it wouldn’t change anything. Hawke was going to end up breaking my heart, and I was going to let him.
I let Hawke lead me to the truck. He didn’t release me as we neared it and when we reached the passenger side door, he nudged me up against it until my back was pressed against the cool metal. “I need to know if you still want this,” he said. The only place he was actually touching me was where our fingers were still joined, but his husky voice was like a sensual caress all over my body. I nodded.
“Tell me what you want,” he ordered softly.
“You,” I said simply.
Tremors of need surged through my body as Hawke tugged me forward, but he merely opened the door for me and waited until I got into the truck before closing it again. The drive to the hotel took less than a minute and when Hawke opened the door and motioned for me to enter before him, the very first thing I noticed was the bed.
The one bed.
The door closed behind me, cloaking the room in semi-darkness since only the inner white, gauzy curtains were drawn. I didn’t even get a chance to turn around to face Hawke before he was reaching out and grabbing my arm. In one move, he turned me around and pressed me face first against the door. His whole body pressed up against mine and I shuddered when he pressed his cheek againstmine, the burn scars teasing my skin. His hands covered mine and lifted them until they were above my head.
“You made me promise, do you remember?” Hawke whispered, his lips skimming the edge of my mouth.
I nodded. As much as I wished he was talking about the promise I’d just asked of him to not go after Buck and Denny in Laredo, I knew he was referring to the promise from the night before. The one where I’d asked him to fuck me again.
Hawke pressed his erection against my ass as his fingers played with mine where they were pinned to the door.
“Do you want me to keep it?”
I nodded again, my cheek scraping over the peephole in the door.
“Say my name,” Hawke suddenly whispered desperately. “Please, Tate,” he added as he nuzzled the back of my neck.
I turned my head so my forehead was pressed against the door and ignored the searing pain in my chest as I said, “Michael.”
Hawke’s whole body relaxed against mine and then his mouth was pressing kisses against my neck and cheek and when I turned my head back to the side for more, he sealed his mouth over mine. I moaned as he began slowly rolling his hips against my ass. His kiss was just as languid as the motion of his lower body, but it was over too soon.
“Leave your hands there,” Hawke ordered firmly as he released my fingers and dropped his hands to my waist. I sucked in a breath when he moved them between the door and my groin and began playing with my erection through my jeans. But the torture didn’t last nearly long enough because he was opening my pants a second later and shoving both them and my underwear down. His moves were rough and demanding as he dragged my shoes and socks off and yanked my pants away so I was completely naked from the waist down. A shiver of fear and excitement tore through me as I wondered if I was in for another rough ride. But instead of splitting me open, I felt Hawke’s hands only smooth over my ass for a few seconds before he sought out my erection again and began stroking it. His free hand moved down to fondle my balls and I nearlyswallowed my tongue when he kicked my legs farther apart. Because I had somehow missed him opening his own pants and by widening my stance, he’d given himself more room to work and his cock speared through my crease as he began teasing me with long strokes.
I began surging into his hand as my need grew and I could feel my pre-cum dripping down my dick and smoothing out Hawke’s drags on my ultra-sensitive skin. “Please, Michael,” I groaned as my lust began spiraling out of control.
“Please what, baby?” Hawke ground out against my ear before gently nipping on the lobe.
“Fuck me,” I said.
“You want me in that tight little hole of yours again?”
“Yes,” I nearly shouted and I risked dropping my hands so I could reach behind me to grab Hawke’s ass. He stilled briefly at my touch, but then he began increasing his glides between my ass cheeks. The proof of his need moistened my heated skin.
