I nodded and held my breath as he linked our fingers together. He stared at our joined hands where they were resting on the armrest and I waited for him to pull away. But he didn’t. He merely closed his eyes again and when I went to shift my hand into a more comfortable position, he tightened his grip on me, refusing to let me go.
I couldn’t help but smile.
Yeah, I was fucked. Totally and completely.
Hawke wokeup the second I slowed the truck down several hours later to stop for gas. I missed the warmth of his hand when he released me and straightened in his seat.
“It’s ten more miles to Lulling,” I said. “Can you take over?” I asked.
He nodded. “You okay?”
No.
“Yeah.”
Hawke tilted his head at me knowingly and I chuckled. “Okay, no,” I admitted. “But I will be,” I said as I met his probing gaze. He nodded and got out of the truck. I got out and went to the passenger side and searched out my phone so I could call Ronan. I’dalready talked to Matty twice today, but I needed to hear his voice one more time.
“Hey Tate, how’s it going?” Ronan asked as soon as he answered.
“Good,” I said, though I knew I hadn’t managed to keep the shakiness out of my voice because Ronan was quiet for a long moment before he responded.
“Everything okay?”
“Um, yeah,” I said. “We’re just about to drive into Lulling and I…I…”
When I couldn’t finish the sentence, Ronan said, “Hold on, okay?”
I nodded even though I knew it was stupid since Ronan couldn’t see me. I sucked in several deep breaths to try to keep my tears at bay.
“Daddy?”
A knot of emotion got stuck in my throat at the sound of Matty’s voice, but before I could answer him, my phone switched to video and I saw Matty’s smiling face. “Hi Daddy!” Matty said with a huge grin.
“Hi, buddy,” I managed to grate out.
“Daddy, look,” Matty said and then he was turning the camera’s view and I laughed at the sight that greeted me. Both Seth and Ronan were sitting in full costume next to Matty’s hospital bed. Seth was dressed as Spiderman and Ronan was covered from head to toe in a green muscle suit. He was holding a Hulk mask in his hand. I started laughing and when Hawke got into the truck a second later, I handed the phone to him. He smiled and I heard the phone click as he pushed a couple of buttons.
“You better not have just taken a picture!” I heard Ronan call out as the image on the phone changed back to Matty. Hawke shifted in his seat so Matty could see both of us.
“It’s costume day,” Matty announced and then the image wobbled for a moment and I could tell either Ronan or Seth was now holding the phone so we could see all of Matty. I’d expected to see him dressed as Iron Man or Captain America, but he wasn’t.
He was Hawkeye.
I shifted my gaze to Hawke whose eyes had warmed over with emotion. “You look great, Matty,” Hawke said, though his voice was hoarse. He shot me a quick glance and I felt my heart clench at what I saw. Not pain, not anguish…happiness. Genuine happiness.
“Did you catch the bad guys yet?” Matty asked and Hawke ripped his gaze from me and focused on Matty.
But he seemed to be struggling to speak so I said, “Not yet, buddy, but soon.”
“And then you’ll come home?”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah, then I’m coming home.”
“Hawke too?”
Fuck, now I was the one who couldn’t speak.
“We’ll see,” Hawke hedged, his voice still not quite right. Luckily, we were saved from the additional questions I knew would be forthcoming when Matty looked off screen as Seth said something to him.
