The following morning, we’d taken two cars to the hospital. Ronan and I had gone directly to the hospital to get Matty admitted while Seth had taken Bullet to the nearby hotel we’d be using as our home base for the foreseeable future since their house was too far away to travel back and forth to. I’d been nervous about the admission process in terms of the financial aspect, but the woman at the desk had merely slid a piece of paper in front of me and pointed to the billing section and asked if the information was correct. I’d felt Ronan’s eyes on me as I’d read the name on the page, but he hadn’t said anything.
Michael Hawkins.
Michael.
At first the name didn’t seem to fit the harsh man, but the more I’d said it to myself over and over in my mind, I’d found that I liked the way it sounded in my head and as soon as I’d been by myself, I’d actually spoken it out loud just to see what it felt like. I hadn’t asked Ronan where Hawke was staying though he clearly hadn’t been staying at the house or I would have seen him. I’d kept hoping he would show up at some point, though I had no idea what I would have said to him if he had.
Matty had been a trooper for all the various poking and prodding he’d had to endure, but he’d had his first meltdown when he’d woken up after receiving anesthesia so that doctors could put in a central line. The central line had been inserted under his collarbone and was threaded under the skin until it came out of his upper chest. It was meant to make the administration of the chemotherapy drugs easier, but Matty had cried when he’d realized that the strange looking device would be staying in his body for the foreseeable future. He’d been inconsolable until the moment Ronan had leaned down and whispered something into his ear. I’d only heard the words “superhero juice” but whatever he’d said had been enough for Matty to settle down and I’d held him in my arms until he’d finally fallen asleep. It was at that moment that I’d known I’d be able to leave my son in the care of the two men who were fast becoming friends.
Matty’s first chemo treatment had been done the following night while he’d been asleep and Ronan had stayed with me the entire night while Seth went back to the hotel to get some rest. Matty had reacted better than expected to the medication, though he was nauseous the next morning and hadn’t eaten anything. By lunch time, he’d been sitting up in bed and had taken a few tentative bites of the mac and cheese the nurse had brought him. He’d spent the rest of the afternoon napping, watching cartoons and coloring and when Seth had arrived to relieve us, Ronan and I had gone to the hotel to get some sleep.
As planned, we’d each taken shifts and while I’d spent every hour that I wasn’t sleeping by Matty’s side, Ronan and Sethalternated so that the only time I was ever alone with Matty was when he was asleep. I usually managed to snag a few hours of sleep myself at those times, but after only ten days, the physical and emotional stress were taking their toll on me.
Hence the many coffee runs.
But as tough as the days had been, we’d gotten some really good news the previous day when the doctor had spoken to us about the bone marrow biopsy they’d done. The fact that the disease hadn’t progressed enough that Matty would need a stem cell transplant had helped ease some of the constant fear and anxiety that plagued me day in and day out.
I took a few sips of the coffee as I made my way to the elevator. The bitter liquid helped clear my muddled thoughts and I threw out the coffee before I entered the ICS ward. The unit was home to nearly a dozen immunocompromised kids and it was both humbling and encouraging to see the children of all ages and their families who were going through the same things Matty and I were. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to any of the other parents yet, but Matty had already made friends with a little girl named Susie who was a year younger than him and was halfway through her course of treatment. He’d spent some time playing with her in the toy room and I’d nearly cried when I’d gotten to see my little boy being the kid he was meant to be. In those few minutes, he hadn’t been sick and I hadn’t had to deal with the prospect of losing him.
“Daddy!”
I smiled as Matty welcomed me before I’d even gotten the door to his room completely open.
“Hey, buddy,” I said as I hurried to the bed and carefully wrapped my arms around him. I gave Seth a smile over Matty’s shoulder.
“Seth and I are playing Tic Tac Toe,” Matty said excitedly as he pointed to a piece of paper with dozens of Tic Tac Toe squares on them.
“He’s beating me,” Seth announced grumpily.
Matty chuckled. “You can win next time,” he promised.
“Deal,” Seth said with a laugh. “Hey, didn’t you want to show your dad something?” Seth asked.
“Oh yeah,” Matty said and then he was searching the bed for something. He finally pulled out a doll I didn’t recognize. “Look what Hawke brought me!”
My heart lurched at the mention of Hawke and I felt a sliver of disappointment go through me that I’d missed his visit. “Wow, cool,” I said.
“It’s Hawkeye,” Matty explained.
“That was so nice of him,” I said. “Did you say thank you?”
Matty nodded, but then his face fell. “He said he had to go away for a while.”
“Hawke said that?”
“Uh-huh. He said he might not be able to come back.”
I glanced up at Seth who gave me a slight nod. “He left this for you,” Seth said as he reached for a folded over piece of paper sitting on a small table next to Matty’s bed.
My fingers shook as I saw my name scrawled across the front of the note. Inside were just a few words, but they shook me to my core.
Take care of your son, Tate. --H
My knees felt weak and I had to search out a chair. I shook my head in disbelief and I looked up at Seth. “Did you read this?”
Seth shook his head and I handed him the note. He read it and then folded it closed.
“When did he leave that?” I asked
