“I’m glad he’s dead, Lane,” I murmured against his skin.
I lifted my head to meet his eyes. “You are?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t be?”
“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. When you asked about him when you first moved in, I was shocked you hadn’t known.”
“You figured I would’ve kept myself informed of his whereabouts.” Lane nodded, but I shook my head. “After signing the settlement, I never wanted to hear or see his name again. I didn’t care what happened to him, as long as he stayed away from me. But I’ll admit, I spent all this time looking over my shoulder, terrified hewouldn’t, and that I’d one day be forced to confront the thing that had broken me so badly. The thing that had taken you away.”
“I should’ve told you,” Lane said. “That he was dead, I mean. Not my part in it. I should’ve checked in on you more over the years.” He dropped his forehead against my collarbone.“I shouldn’t have been such an asshole every time we found ourselves in a room or at a scene together.”
I slid my fingers into his hair, gently massaging his scalp with my fingertips. “It was a defense mechanism,” I supplied. “I think if I had found out even a few months ago, it would’ve destroyed us.”
“Maybe,” he hedged. “And, truthfully, I just didn’t want you to hate me more than you already did.”
“No, baby,” I said softly, cupping his face in my hands so he’d look at me again, loving the way his beard tickled the skin of my palms. “I never hated you. I hated myself and spent a long damn time punishing myself for something completely out of my control.”
“And now?” His ocean eyes were glassy with barely repressed emotion, but earnest and hopeful.
“And now, I love you, and you love me, and that’s really all that matters.”
One of his broad palms came up to cradle the back of my head, and he slowly drew me in until our mouths collided. Twin sighs of relief left us at the contact, and I sagged against him as I felt the tension bleed from Lane’s shoulders beneath my arms. It was a leisurely, gentle caress of our lips and tongues, neither of us making any move to take it deeper or faster. For a long time, we enjoyed the simple act of deeply kissing the one we loved. Long enough that we were both breathing hard when we finally pulled apart.
“I do love you, sunny. So fucking much. I’d do anything for you.”
“Whatever ‘anything’ is, let’s make sure it’s on the right side of the law from now on, okay?”
Lane chuckled, then pressed gentle kisses to the tip of my nose, my forehead, and my cheeks.
“Okay, baby.”
Twenty minutes later, I finally crawled into bed to get some sleep, both physically exhausted from being unable to sleep during shift last night and emotionally from my conversation with Lane.
As I lay there, willing sleep to come, I realized the final walls I’d kept around my heart had been smashed to pieces. Now that the weight of possibly seeing Ryan again was lifted, and all my and Lane’s demons were finally out in the open, I felt freer than I had in years.
thirty-two
. . .
SUTTON
At nearly fourin the morning on February thirteenth, Thomas and I returned to the firehouse from what I hoped would be the final call of this shift. We’d gotten hit with another nasty blizzard. Even though the people who lived in the area had done so for most of their lives, there was always a contingent of townsfolk who mysteriously forgot how to drive when the snow flew. Thankfully, all the accidents we’d responded to had been minor. Thomas and I had performed wound care and sent people on their way without needing to take them to the hospital.
The fender benders were nice, though, because Lane was working a rare overnight shift, and I’d gotten to see him more than once.
After spending the last hour out in the cold, I was really looking forward to curling up in my bunk for a few hours of shuteye, but I pulled up short at my bedside when I found a gift-wrapped package in the center of the mattress.
Glancing around, I looked for the person who’d left it there.
The box was a shiny, deep red; the lid was held in place by a brighter ribbon in the same color. A tag dangled from the bow that read: TO MY SUNNY.
From Lane, then, I thought, mouth splitting into a grin.
Since he’d finally let me in on his deepest, darkest secret, things between us were better than ever.
So incredible, in fact, that I was seriously considering selling my house when repairs were finished.
But that was a conversation for a different day.
