When I slid the ring onto her finger, she stared at it as if she couldn’t believe it. Then she broke. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she let them flow freely.
“Why would you do this to me?” She laughed through her tears and slapped my chest playfully. “You know I’m emotional.”
“I know,” I said. I stood up and slowly pulled her into my arms.
She wrapped hers around my neck and held on tight. I felt her shoulders shake against me, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself feel everything without trying to guard it. “I love you,” she whispered into my shirt.
“I know,” I said softly. “I love you too.”
She pulled back just enough to look at me again. “You sure about this? About us?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
She pressed her forehead against mine and laughed again, still in disbelief. “This ring is stupid big, talkin’ ’bout it’s not flashy, and don’t expect too much.”
“You deserve stupid big,” I replied.
“Zay,” she said softly.
“Yeah?”
“I need to tell you something too.” I watched as her expression shifted from joy to uncertainty. Confusion spread over my face as I waited patiently for her to begin. “Uh . . . I’m pregnant.”
The words didn’t register in my head at first, but when they landed, my body felt heavy. It felt as if something had just smacked me without warning.
She let out a nervous laugh through tears. “How does this even happen after almost seventeen years?” she whispered. “I gotta start all over.”
I remained silent. I saw flashes of a hospital room, tiny hands, sleepless nights, and the fear of messing something up. I saw the version of myself at sixteen, standing in a kitchen, trying not to cry because crying got you hit. I saw my stepfather’s face. I felt his anger and his absence.
Then I saw Yana. The way her curls shaped her face. I heard her laugh.
In that moment, I realized something. I had never regretted her, not even once. Being her father changed something inside of me in ways that I never imagined could’ve.
“You okay?” Princess asked carefully, cutting through my thoughts. “You look like you went somewhere.”
“I just . . . don’t know what to say,” I admitted.
“I should’ve told you sooner, I just. . .” She swallowed. “After everything with the test and all the stress, I didn’t want to pile on.”
“Hey,” I said and pulled her closer. “Don’t do that.”
Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. “I’m thirty-five,” she said through a shaky voice. “My body not gon’ bounce back the same. Yana’s about to graduate. I was just getting used to the idea of living all alone. I don’t even know if I’m excited or terrified,” she admitted.
I let out a deep breath. “You see it as starting over,” I said gently. “I see it as just beginning.”
Her eyes searched mine as if she were digging for doubt behind them. “You’re not scared?” she asked.
“I am,” I answered honestly. “I’m scared of fucking up. I’m scared of not knowing everything. I’m scared of doing something wrong.” She looked down. I put my hand under her chin and lifted her eyes to mine. “But I’m not scared of doing this with you,” I continued. “I’m not scared of loving you through all of it. I’m not scared of building this family with you.”
Her breathing shifted.
“I used to be scared of becoming him,” I said quietly. “But not anymore. I’m nothing like him.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks again. “I thought you’d be stressed,” she whispered. “Or quiet, disappear into your head and the studio again.”
I shook my head. “I’m staying right here through it all. I’m staying through the appointments and the mood swings. The scary nights . . . I get to be in the hospital room this time.”
Her shoulders began to shake again, but this time, it was from a giggle.
