“Oh!” She chuckled. “My bad . . . I seen you pull up a while ago but didn’t hear you come in. I just came to check and saw you were close. So I just opened it so you didn’t need to get out your key.”
I exhaled and felt the weight on my chest release into the air. My dumb ass was jittery from the nerves. I tried my best to get my shit together. Clearing my throat, I hung my head and took a step closer. Princess stepped to the side, and I slid through the door.
“Mm-hmm.” Her eyes dragged over me. She looked at me as she shut the door behind me. “You look like you been fighting demons in that car.”
“Had a long day.”
She took a step forward, close enough that I could smell her perfume. It was that soft, warm scent that always reminded me of cotton candy. Her eyes narrowed. “You good?” she asked again.
I hesitated. I wanted to let her know right then, but . . . I didn’t want to ruin her day either. I thought maybe I would tell her before the night had ended. Their flight left early, and I contemplated on telling her before they took off. But then, Kam’s and Kennedy’s voices rang in my head. I needed to get it out before it got any worse. I opened my mouth and prayed that this truth wouldn’t be the end of something that I felt had just begun.
“I need to be real wi?—”
“Mom!” Yana’s voice cut me off as she stomped in our direction in the hallway.
“Where my boarding pass at? I printed it, but now I can’t find it.”
Princess exhaled through her nose, annoyed. “You don’t know how to pull it up on your phone? You been doing TikToks this whole break but don’t know how to download a boarding pass?” She walked in Yana’s direction, leaving me standing at the door.
“I don’t know the confirmation number! It was sent to your email, not mine!” Yana countered.
I watched as they cut the corner and listened as their voices grew fainter while bickering with one another.
I spent the rest of the evening wondering why I was such a coward. It was their last night in Los Angeles, and I knew I had to tell Princess the truth. It couldn’t wait any longer. I thought I knew Amora. I thought she had at least been the type of woman to . . . I didn’t even know what type of shit I expected from her, the more I thought more about it. I just hadn’t expected her to do all that she had. Yet the more I thought about it, the more it pressed me to get it off my chest.
Princess, Yana, and I spent the rest of the night together. I was more silent and closed off than normal. At least that was how I felt. Between the takeout Thai food that had been delivered, the Detroit hustle dances across the living room, and the jokes and laughter as Yana tried to be slick and sneak off to her room to talk to Diego, I temporarily blocked out telling of Princess the truth.
I remembered drinking more wine than usual that night. It must have been the nerves because I hadn’t noticed that Yana did not return. I walked to her room and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I slowly opened the bedroom door. Pink LED lights traced the ceiling line and wrapped the roomin a warm, cozy haze that made everything look prettier than it had been before this space became hers. The lights reflected off a full-length mirror that leaned against the wall and turned the glass into a rosy portal. A king-size bed sat in the center of it all with pillows piled on one side and a fluffy throw blanket that slid onto the floor. The smell of vanilla clung to the air as I stepped inside.
“Yana, you done with us for the night?” I asked, stepping closer to the bed where she lay under the comforter.
No answer.
I smiled as my eyes adjusted to the lights and took in the rest of the room. The walls had photos of her and her friends glittered and taped in crooked rows. A few of them were her friends, others were selfies with filters I never understood, and the rest were of her and me. On the nightstand was a pile of books stacked in uneven rows, some with sticky notes that poked out of the sides. Most of them were thrillers. That made me chuckle.
When I reached the side of the bed, I leaned down and realized she was sleeping. I studied her face. Her eyes were closed with her lashes resting against her cheeks. Her lips were slightly parted, and her hair was fanned across the pillow. She had the same kind of softness and beauty that her mother carried, the kind of beauty that never had to try so hard.
I stood there and stared at her peaceful expression. I couldn’t believe she was mine.
Then I noticed a faint glow from under the cover. I reached over and carefully pulled it back. The light came from her phone that lay on the sheets. I picked it up slowly. On the screen was a boy who was also asleep. He had his mouth open, his head tilted back with one Apple AirPod in his ear. The angle made him look horrible, in my biased opinion, but the intent was sweet.
I remembered when Princess and I had been like that. Around her same age, we shared that same kind of love back in Detroit. It used to feel so serious that I hadn’t even realized that we were just kids. I thought about a time that I snuck in from the cold, gently shaking my sweater off from the snow. My hands were stiff and red, and she would whisper for me to stop being so loud before her dad heard. I remembered her room always smelled like vanilla and cocoa butter, how girly it used to be, and how she had posters, notebooks, and glitter pens like she was building another world on her little desk.
She threw me a blanket and a pillow. She hissed at me to not get into her bed with my “outside clothes” on. I could never sleep comfortably on that twin-size bed, but we used to try our best. We just always had to be close to one another.
It was a sweet memory to think of, as I realized I was now standing in our daughter’s room, with the same softness that lived there. It was the same warmth, the same love, the same everything.
I placed the phone on the nightstand and stared at Yana again. She was so precious that tears welled in my eyes. I couldn’t believe that I got to be her dad.
“She always fall asleep with that boy on the phone.”
I jumped as if I had just been caught, at the sound of Princess whispering. I turned around, and she stood in the doorway with a smile. She laughed softly and whispered, “My bad. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
I stood up straight and stared at her. The way she looked in that moment—hair pulled back, face bare, soft as the lighting in the room—she looked exactly like my girl, my home.
She stepped into the room and met me at the side of the bed, smiling at me as she reached over and pulled the blanket over Yana like she’d done it a million times before. She tapped the screen on her phone and ended the call, then stood by my side.
Something about the way she took care of our daughter and the way she looked at that moment cracked my chest open. I didn’t even think next. I just said it.
