“Ohhh,” Javier exclaims.
I hold in a laugh, feigning displeasure.
“Crank, you know I’m just joking, right?”
I let loose, and Raimo lets out an audible sigh.
“Don’t scare me like that.”
“You should’ve seen his face.” Javier snorts. “Looked like that time Coach heard him complain about practice.”
“Coach is scary. My face looked like that for a reason.”
“So what’s its excuse now?”
Javier snorts louder, but then Coach’s voice booms over everyone.
“Five minutes before the bus rolls out. I wait for no man so get a move on.”
We head down the hall, and soon the whole team is seated on the Warriors’ charter bus. The blackout windows have the team symbol on them and the wordsWashington Warriorsin blue. I glance around the bus. Most of the faces are fuzzy, but I can pretty much guess the scene before me based off past rides. Pascal is probably wearing noise-canceling headphones since he needs absolute quiet to fall asleep. Raimo probably has Steff on the line since those two are inseparable. Tae is probably watching a K-drama because he claims they’re the best stories. Trevor is probably wearing shades and a neck pillow. And the coaches are probably watching tape and dissecting the good and bad of last night’s game.
In the past, I’d alternate between watching tape or snoozing. Now I need to relisten to the audio file Morgan gave me to ensure I can network properly with tonight’s donor. It’s not exactly what I want, but I don’t know what I want once I retire. I wish I could ask my mom what comes next, but I don’t want to sadden her. Now that I think about it, maybe I’ve been leaning on Val way too much. Though I’m friends with Javier and Raimo, we don’t often talk about the deep stuff.
Then I remember the moment in the locker room when Javier encouraged me to pray and let God know what I’m thinking. Could that work with retirement?
I swallow.
Hi. It’s me again. I’m notsure if You heard me the last time,but I’m going to trust Javier. He knows You and believesYou’ll listento me and figure my life out. But how? It’s such a mess right now. Ican’t see like I want. Val’s got dramawith her family. It seems so ... chaotic. I just wantsome kind of assurance.
I wince. Is that fair? I’m pretty sure the only sure thing is death and taxes. Least, that’s what Mom always said growing up.
Okay,maybe not an assurance but more like a hope. I hope something good is coming my way because I’m drowning in the bad.
I stop praying. This is absurd. Why would God listen to me? I’ve been pretty adamant that I don’t need religion, and it seems hypocritical to try to pray when I’ve ignored the faith my entire life.
My head leans backward on the headrest, and I close my eyes. But even though I’m attempting to reach for my nothing box, Javier’s words echo in my head.
“God will listenand take care of the rest.”
32
Val
Jackie’s living room is littered with toy cars, a stuffed dino (known affectionately as Roar by Ollie), and a pile of laundry. She folds one of my nephew’s tiny shirts as if Fran and I haven’t been sitting here the past ten minutes waiting for her to speak.
Fran nudges me in the side, and I grunt, sparing a glare at her.
Get on with it, she mouths. I want to roll my eyes. I want to ignore her, but she’s right. Even though I literally wish to be doing anything else but explaining myself to my older sister—I’m a grown woman, and I don’t have to answer to her—I do want a healthy relationship with her. And for Jabari to be able to be around my family without everyone believing he’s persona non grata. I just need my big sister to admit she lied about him cheating, so mentally reaching for big girl undies—nope, that image is terrible—I reach for pants and speak.
“I like Jabari.”
“I gathered. The vibe coming off that photo said as much.”
I resist the urge to rub the throbbing spot in the middle of my forehead. “How does a podcast even have a picture for you to see?”
“They upload to YouTube, and you can watch them talking. They’re not strictly audio,” Fran says.
“That’s beside the point.” Jackie purses her lips. “Do you know what it feels like to have yoursisterstab you in the back? You’re dating the man who hurt me. It’s one thing to be friends, which I still don’t understand.” She sneers. “But this, this is betrayal.”
