We talk about everything, and I do mean everything. I learn that his father was his mom’s college sweetheart. He didn’t want to be a dad, so he paid child support but never visited Jabari growing up, not even when he was drafted into the NHL.
“Did you expect him to call?” I ask. Isn’t that when most deadbeat dads make an entrance? When their kid makes it big?
“Actually, yes.”
I bite my lip. “Did it hurt that he didn’t?”
“In a way.” Jabari cocks his head. “But also there’s relief. Like I can respect him for that much. He’s consistently stayed out of my life.”
“Your mom must be amazing to have dealt with that while dealing with her own health.”
Jabari nods slowly. “You know, I don’t think I’ve always believed that.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “I’m actually ashamed that I never fully understood how hard she had it until well into adulthood.”
“Don’t be. You were a kid. Most kids are selfish until adulthood shows us how to care for others.”
He sighs. “I could’ve done a better job.”
“How? Because it sounds to me like you did everything you could to make it better for her. You’re a good son, Jabari. Don’t believe the lies.” Even now he’s looking out for her. I can only imagine how not having a normal childhood felt.
“Maybe.” He runs a hand down his face. “Or maybe I can do better.”
“True. We can always do better.” Look at how I handled thingswith Jackie. I should’ve told her the truth from the very beginning, regardless of the consequences.
“I want to.” He stares right at me. “I want to be a better person because I know you deserve the best.”
I blink rapidly, wondering where the sudden moisture in my eyes came from. Why is my throat so tight? This man keeps saying things that are a balm to my heart and a stimulant all at the same time.
“Wow, you’re really working for that next date.”
He laughs, and the tension eases.
Our conversation lightens after that, and when our dessert tray of cheese—yes, cheese. You can’t go to a French restaurant and skip out onfromage—arrives my heart feels as decadent as all of the dairy before me. By the time we get back in the car to return to my hotel, I’m in aI like himhaze so fantastic I do the thing that comes naturally.
I lay my head on Jabari’s shoulder and let out a long, satisfied sigh. “Best date ever.”
“Agreed.” His arm curves around my shoulder, tugging me close. “I can’t wait to do that again.” He places a soft kiss against my hair.
I snuggle in deeper, thankful for some time away from DC and work. Even though I thought coming up might cause bigger problems, I’m happy here in Jabari’s arms. My relationship with Jackie may not be in the place I hope for, but it’s not in a place where I have to walk around in darkness. She knows how I feel about Jabari, and I know how she feels. Somehow, the rest will work itself out. All I need to focus on is the person who has his arm wrapped around me.
“Wake me up when we get there.” I wrap my hand around his arm and close my eyes.
Jabari chuckles. “Are you really going to fall asleep on me?”
“Mm-hmm. Is that a problem?”
“Not at all.” His arm tightens. “Maybe this will be our future.”
My cheeks heat. I’m not sure what to say to that, but the commentis another mark in his favor. His actions are sayingforeveras much as his mouth claims to be in this for the long haul.
Yet in the back of my head, I hear Jackie’s voice.“You’re just a substitutefor hockey.”
I want to swat the sentiment away like the untruth I believe it is, but a little part of meiswaiting for the other shoe to drop. Because this date, this night, feels perfect. How do I trust it’ll stay that way? That this haze I’m in will be there a month from now, a year, decades?
Don’t think about it right now.Worry about it later.
But I already feel some of the shine slipping away. Afraid of what it’ll show, I squeeze my eyes and pray I really do fall asleep.
31
