“Bow your head, close your eyes, and say what’s on your heart. God will listen and take care of the rest.”
Is it really that simple? My brows furrow.
“Seriously, just try it.”
I do as he instructs.
Yet this posture feels a little uncomfortable ... vulnerable even. Can I trust that God listens to someone like me? Don’t I have to believe everything about Him in order to gain an audience with Him?
Trust Himto take care of the rest.
The thought is a mashup of what Javier said and a gut instinct. I search my thoughts, what’s in my heart. What do I want to share?
Um,it’s Jabari Hall. Youprobably already know that since You’re God,but Iguess I’m just introducing myself. Nice to meet You. Javier believes in You. So does Val. Maybe even mymom,though she seems to regret so much time passingsince talking to You. I don’t know what Ibelieve,but I know I want that feeling. ... You know,the feeling that You’ve got my back no matterwhat. I don’t know what that’s like,thoughVal’s beginning to show me. I want to haveher back as much as she’s had mine. AndI want ... more. I want more,God,if it’sokay to admit that to You. I want her tobe my person,and I want to be hers. Andmaybe You understand that because I guess You want thesame things from us.
Huh.My eyes open at the realization. God wants more from me. He wants to be my person—rathermy God.Goose bumps erupt on my arms, and I shiver, but it’s not from the cold we’re about to endure in the arena. It’s with an awareness that feels otherworldly.
“All right, gang, let’s get our heads on straight.” Coach’s yellinterrupts my introspection. “New York is going to try and shut us out with their goalie. He has an impressive record this season, but he does have a weakness. Exploit that and you’ll be able to score. Leave your troubles in the locker room, work as a team, and we’ll succeed. Understand?”
We cheer.
“All right, Warriors on three!” Coach throws his hand in the middle, and the guys surround him.
Past memories have me picturing it well. One man in a suit, the rest in skates—well, I’m in a suit as well.
“One! Two! Three!”
“Warriors!”
Roars of excitement erupt as they make their way to the tunnel. I wish I could follow them instead of heading to the box seats, so removed from the action. But I’ll still cheer with the crowd.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out.
“‘Can’t wait to see you,’” the software reads.
I pocket my phone with a smile on my face.
When I’m seated, the fans are still cheering. The Warriors’ fans are always willing to travel to away destinations to support us—not to mention the fans we have living in New York. It’s an incredible experience to go to another team’s arena and find your own fans there supporting you. I gaze down into the crowd, imagining Val’s reaction. Is she smiling? Is she dressed head to toe in Warriors’ gear?
I rub my chest and face forward.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t seeher clearly. She still wants to be with you. Shestill sees worth in you.
I swallow. Maybe the bigger concern is whether I know my own worth. It’s not about the wealth I’ve accumulated. I certainly won’t go hungry if I never work another day in my life. It’s about what I have to offer. I still want to be a productive person and make some kind of difference in the world. If I can’t do that playing in an arena anymore, then how will I contribute?
Talking to the potential donor yesterday made me feel like I’m still a part of the sport I’ve loved all my life. I didn’t feel useless, even though the job offer looks an awful like a pity hire.
“Jabari,it doesn’t matterwhat their intentions are. What matters is how you react.If you don’t want to be pitied,rebuff it.Change the narrative so that it benefits you and influenceshow you’ll respond.”
Val’s words echo in my head, and I straighten my shoulders.
How do I visualizemy worth?Am I only worthy as a hockey player, or do I have value because I’m me?
Godvalues you no matter what.
I blink, trying to remember where I’ve heard that before. Then it clicks. Javier told me that after a tough loss one day. I’d been beating myself up for not playing at optimum, and he told me that God valued me no matter what.
Is that why people feel grateful toward Him? Believe in Him? Because He sees our worth beyond what our own eyes can fathom? The idea entices me. I can get behind a God who cares for me even if I never play hockey again, never see a single thing clearly again. One who wants to be my God and I His person.
