“Good,” I squeak. I wince at the embarrassing high-pitch tone.You arenotateenager. Yes, I’m still in my twenties, but not close enough to the teens to warrant that ridiculous pitch.
Get it together,Val.Who cares if Jabari’s husky voice is starting to elicit shivers from me. It’s not like I swoon when I hear a voice text from him. Oh, right, I do.
We walk to the sofa, and instead of sitting on opposite ends, Jabari lands right next to me. His pants leg brushes mine. It’s weird the details you notice when you decide to give yourself permission to be interested in the guy you’ve come to like.
Before I can say anything, Jabari launches into a detailed recap of his conversation with Morgan. My brain struggles to switch gears from getting him to notice I’m ready for something more romantic to helping him decide the next steps. After a few blinks, my mind is with it and listening.
Jabari stops talking and turns his head my way. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s wonderful they’re trying to help you.” I know how worried he’s been about what comes next.
“Is there abutcoming, or is that full stop?”
“Ha! No, my only concern is whatyouthink. I don’t want you to do something because you feel you have to or that you owe them. But if it genuinely interests you, try it.”
“I’ve never been a salesperson. Morgan claims I’m charming and would be naturally talented.” He rolls his eyes.
I’m with Morgan, because Jabari Hall has utterly charmed me. “You disagree?”
“It’s not that I disagree, I just wonder what a potential donor is going to think when I sit at the table.Especiallyif it’s after I’ve drafted a public statement about my health. Are they going to pity me? Is that the Warriors’ hope? Pity donations?”
Bitterness tinges his words, and I lean closer before I can think it through. “Jabari, it doesn’t matter what their intentions are. What matters is how you react. If you don’t want to be pitied, rebuff it. Change the narrative so that it benefits you and influences how you’ll respond.”
I listen to the words coming out of my mouth.Why don’t you ever take your own advice?Why do I always let what others say about me dictate how I feel about myself? I don’t want to be the pitiful middle sister anymore. I don’t want others thinking I’m all kindness and no spine. I want...
More.
“Val, can I ask you a question?”
Hmm? Right, we’re working on Jabari’s crisis, not mine. “More than you have been?” I quip.
His lips curve up. “Yes.”
“Sure.”
“Why are you thankful for God?”
Oof.I sink into the sofa cushion as my mind stutters, then tries to jumpstart. “Huh?”
“Ever since I went to your church, I can’t get that one song out of my head.” His expression turns sheepish. “I may have even replayed it over and over on my phone.”
“What song?”
“‘Gratitude.’” Jabari sighs and runs a hand down his face. “There’s a depth of thankfulness for God that I just don’t get. How can people go through hardships and still thank Him?”
Isn’t that the million-dollar question. I pause to really consider his words.
Lord,whatwould You have me say? I don’t want togive him a pat answer,and I don’t wantto turn Him away from You.
The truth. Only thetruth.
I slowly nod as the answer echoes in my head. I don’t have to say anything but what I believe. God will take care of the rest.
“I’ve had a life of being overlooked. Not being seen for who I am.” I lick my lips. “It’s not necessarily everyone’s fault, because I let them do that to me. I made myself small so others would shine. I didn’t do it for altruistic motives, but simply because I’m too afraid to voice what I really want.”
Oh, the light bulb moment happening now.
“Despite all of that,” I continue, “IknowGod sees me. He cares for me more than I’ll ever comprehend. All my wishes and desires matter to Him. He’ll never overlook me or consider me less than. Because of that, the depth of gratitude I feel toward Him is immense. He deserves all my praise because He’s faithful to me. His love is all-encompassing, and no matter howIfeel, He sees my worth.”
