“Then give me a sec.”
My eyes shut of their own accord. Or because the light keeps blinding me. Instead of emptying my mind, the urge to pray twinges in the center of my chest.
I’ve been attempting to pray here and there, to consider what I believe versus relying on what I’ve always been able to see. Those attempts have felt paltry and anticlimactic, if I’m honest. But this is an overwhelming urge I can’t ignore. Like my body will implode if I don’t comply, which feels a bit dramatic. Nonetheless, I do it.
God,it’s Jabari. I don’t know what You want meto pray about,but there’s this feeling that Ishould.
The wordblindflashes in my head, and I freeze. Is He telling me I’m about to go completely blind? Fear grips me. Having declining vision is one thing, but not seeing a single thing is absolutely terrifying. Will Val leave if I can’t see anything at all?
Of course not. That’s not her nature.
Relief trickles through, but the gripping fear keeps a hold of me.
Pray.
God,I don’t want to losemy sight. I don’t want to be wholly relianton others for what I can and can’t see.
Then again, I have become more dependent on others since the knock to my head. What would actually be different? I’d still probably count steps, but since I started memorizing where everything is, I’ve adapted.
Okay,maybe itwouldn’t be the end of the world. I praythat if I do lose my sight,You’ll helpme deal with it. I don’t want to walkin the dark alone,God.
And maybe that’s the point. Ihavebeen walking in darkness. I’ve been without God my entire life. Not because I didn’t think He existed, just didn’t think He was necessary to my way of life. Knowing Javier and Val has changed how I view God. He’s given Val perfect peace. He’s helped Javier not succumb to the dark side of fame like so many others do. What am I going to lose if I follow God wholeheartedly? More importantly, what do I gain?
Peace.
The word flashes in my mind, and calm settles my heart. Whatever’s going on with my head, God will walk with me. I won’t be lost to darkness because He’ll be my light. That simple thought rings true, and the tension in my shoulders eases.
Okay,God. I trust You. Ibelieve You have my back. I promise to stop livingon my own authority and submit to Yours.
“All right, Crank. Let’s hit the road.”
I open my eyes.
“Four Eyes will meet us at the hospital.”
“Sounds good.”
I don’t say anything on the way to the hospital. Thankfully, the hotel is nearby, so it only takes us a few minutes. Doc called ahead, and as a result, they take us right back to a private ER room. Soon, I’m sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed to the CT room.
Thank goodness I had the sense to text Val this morning and let her know I was meeting Doc. Though I should probably call her and let her know they’re making me do tests. I’ll have to do that when I get back to my room.
The CT is over quickly, and when I get my cell from Doc, he leaves the room, giving me some much-needed privacy.
“Good morning.” Val’s sweet voice comes over the line.
Serenity floods my heart. Talking to her is ten times better than composing a voice text. “Hey, I wanted to give you an update on my headaches.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“He brought me to the ER to get a CT to be safe. He doesn’t necessarily think I need one but wanted to cross all his tees.”
“Your head still hurts?”
“Yeah.” Worse than yesterday, but I leave that unsaid.
She sighs. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been praying since you mentioned it.”
“Me too. I appreciate your prayers.”
