“Are you still there?”
“I am.” I sighed. “I like him, Piper. But this whole living arrangement has made things awkward.” A light bulb flickered to life above my head.Oh man.I got it. That was what bothered Chris yesterday. We’d been in my room, lying on my bed, and he was someone who had religious morals.You do too.I wasn’t yet fully sure of all the ways God expected me to follow Him, but having a man in my bed seemed quite the opposite of His expectations.
My mouth dried.
I owed Chris an apology. Maybe he’d thought I waspropositioning him when that was so not my intent. I squeezed my eyes shut as waves of embarrassment washed over me.
“I think Chris likes you as well. He’s a really,reallygood guy. If he hasn’t asked you out, it might be your living arrangement, like you already mentioned.”
“Then I need to find a new house as soon as possible.” Because I couldn’t put either of us in that situation again.
Piper laughed. “I’d offer to help, but I’d have no clue what to do from so far away.”
“Not to mention I need to sell Ellynn’s house.”
“I’m still willing to help with that,” she said. “I could go through the items in the house and figure out if you want them shipped to you or donated, or I could do an estate sale and get it all sold for you.”
“You’d really do all that?”
“I’d be happy to.”
“Yes, please.” I wrote that on the sticky note as well. “Now, if only the right place would flash like a neon sign when I scan real estate listings.” I shook my head. Like that was possible.
“You know,” Piper started, “the Bible does talk about wisdom. How if you ask God for it and believe Him, you’ll receive it. It’s in the book of James. I can text you the verse later. I know you’re exploring questions about Christianity, so feel free to ask me anything. I love talking about God.”
I opened my mouth to tell her about the salvation prayer but stopped. Even though we were getting to know each other, I wasn’t ready to divulge that information. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”
We hung up, and I blew out a breath. It hadn’t beentooawkward talking to her. It’d almost seemed like I’d known herfor a while. What was it about Chris and his friends that made them genuinely welcome me? Was it the God thing?
My phone chimed, showing a text from Piper.
Piper
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5–8
Erykah
Thank you.
I read the verses over and over. How could I ask God for wisdom when I had only just accepted He was real? And what did it mean to not doubt? Not doubt He heard? He’d answer? I sighed. The last thing I wanted was to be deemed unstable. The thing I actively ran from. Every decision I’d ever chosen was on the side of stability, not instability. Ever since I’d been old enough to realize my parents were addicts and not able to parent Ellynn and me as we needed.
“God?” I paused, wishing this didn’t feel so awkward. I believed He heard me, but why did my words have to feel so stilted? I drew in a steady breath, remembering how Chris prayed to Him. “Um, I need wisdom for where to live, what school Cheyenne should go to, and help removing any doubt that You won’t answer or help me.”
I winced. That sounded so bad, but I had to be honest. He’d shown me He listened, but I could still hear a voice telling me all the ways I’d been alone as a child. All the times I’dgone without. The hard days of parenting my sister before she graduated.
Speaking of honesty, maybe I just needed to tell Chris how I felt. Tell him I wasn’t trying to proposition him, but that I very much wanted to go on a date—afterI moved. Then maybe this awkwardness between us would fade, and we could go back to before.
There’s no turning back. Ellynn and Asher are really gone.
I inhaled deeply, trying to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t want to cry at work.
My phone chimed, and I looked at my texts.
Chris
Want to go on a ski trip?
He always reached out at the right times.
