There was a slight pause in her cries. He wasn’t sure if she heard him or not, because the sounds coming from the room told him she was still hurting.
Chris twisted the knob. “I’m coming in.”
Every emotion tugged within him. Erykah lay there, curled up in a ball, tears pouring down her face. Chris said nothing. Instead, he rounded the bed and got on the opposite side. He lay on his side and scooted until he could curve an arm around her and pull her back against his chest. Spooning her close, he held her silently, letting her cry with the assurance she wasn’t alone.
Instead of her tears quieting, they seemed to get louder, as if she was allowing her emotions to freely escape now that she wasn’t by herself. Chris said nothing, simply continued to hold her. He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, but eventually her weeping ceased.
When Chris thought he couldn’t take the silence anymore, Erykah rolled over, then scooted back so she could look at him.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He swallowed. “I don’t know if I should be thanked for that.”
“Chris, I have a feeling I’ll be thankful for you for the rest of my life. Not because I want to embarrass you or because I think you need to hear it. But the feeling inside my chest is so overwhelming I have to let it out. And that comes out as thank-yous.Thank you for not saying anything. For not telling me it’ll be okay or any of those other platitudes that make me want to scream at the top of my lungs.” She huffed. “You just let me cry, and that’s worth more than anything you could have ever said.”
“I hate that I can’t take your pain away. But the least I cando is let you know you’re not alone.” Growing up with his mom so focused on surviving and dealing with her own grief, he’d often felt overlooked and forgotten ...alone.
Erykah stared into his eyes. Was she searching for something or thinking of what to say next?
“When were you alone? When your dad passed away, or when your engagement broke?”
He nodded slowly. “When the engagement ended, my friends didn’t know what to say so they slowly stopped calling and then disappeared altogether. My mom has never been one to really talk about emotions, which left me to wrestle with them by myself growing up. Now that I have friends I can truly count on when I need them, I know just how valuable having a community is. I never want another person to feel like I did in those dark times.”
“There is so much more to you than I realized.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
She tucked her hands under her cheeks, her gaze steady on his. “Like you’re kind to your very core. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”
“You know I’m not always kind, right?” Surely she didn’t think he was a saint.
“Of course not.” She snorted. “You’re only human. But even at your worst, I see that you still choose kindness. That amazes me.Youamaze me.”
He needed to leave, walk out of this room, and catch his breath. The way Erykah looked at him, the way he already felt about her, nothing good would come if he stayed a moment longer.
“Let’s go get you some lunch.” He sat up, swallowing as he stared at the blank wall.Lord, please don’t let her think I’m rejecting her. Please, I just need to get out of this room and to where the kids are.His hold on his emotions was slipping precariously. Because all he wanted to do was turn around and kiss Dr. Erykah Kennedy until the sun went down or one of the kids started screaming. More than likely it would be the kids to interrupt, and right now he prayed Cheye would come stomping down the stairs or Ash would alert them for something.
“Chris?” Erykah asked softly.
He squeezed his eyes shut. “Hmm?”
“You know it’s Thanksgiving, right?”
He nodded.
“Then we can’t eat. Your mom hasn’t finished cooking.”
“True,” he rasped. “But I’m sure we can find a snack. The girls might need one.”
“You’re right.” The resignation he heard in her voice almost made him want to turn and face her. Instead, he willed one foot, then the other to move him from the bed and out of her room. Once in the basement’s open area, he let out a breath, then raggedly drew in the next. He repeated the technique until his heart felt calm and his emotions under control.
By the time he was upstairs in the main living area, Erykah was right behind him. They didn’t speak. Didn’t say anything about the moment he chose to ignore. Chris could only pray that one day he’d get the chance to explain why he’d done what he’d done.
But that wouldnotbe today.
Not when grief was fresh and her living situation up in the air. He needed to walk a fine line of helping while keeping himself accountable.
His phone buzzed in his pocket.
