“Auntie Erykah, where are we going?” Cheyenne interrupted. “This isn’t the way home.”
Wow. How fast my niece had figured out the Colorado Springs area. “We’re going to Chris’s work so he can help that animal.”
“Yay.” She clapped her hands.
I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Ash’s car seat mirror. She still slept.Thank goodness.I blew out a breath.
“I’ll know more once I get there and am able to assess the situation,” Chris said.
“It’s not dangerous, is it?” We came to a light, and I stopped, turning to stare at my housemate. Only his expression was closed off.
But why? Usually he was so open with me.But have you been open with him? Aren’t you guarding your heart?
Yes, but now the thought seemed ridiculous. This was Chris. The one who’d befriended me with no strings. The one who’d arranged a private flight from Colorado to Kentucky in the blink of an eye. Not to mention the way he’d helped me with the funeral arrangements when I’d been overcome with tears and unable to articulate Ellynn and Asher’s desires. Chris was always there ... and that was probably what scared me the most.
“It won’t be for you. You and the girls can stay in the car while I’m in there.” He rubbed his face. “Actually, maybe just drop me off. I’ll get a rideshare home.”
“Chris, that’s too much money. I don’t mind waiting for you.”
I wouldn’t leave him stranded—he’d never do that to me.
“Let’s just play it by ear.”
I nodded in agreement, then stepped on the gas as the light turned green. We said nothing more as Cheyenne took over the conversation. She and Chris played an animal game the rest of the way there, naming animals that represented each letter in the alphabet. By the time Cheye yelled, “Penguin!” I’d pulled into Gamble on Nature’s parking lot.
“Are we going inside?” Cheye unbuckled her seat.
“Cheyenne,” I huffed. “What did I tell you about that? You need to ask me first before you unbuckle.”
“But we’re here, and Chris needs our help, right?” Her big brown eyes looked so hopeful.
Chris rubbed his chin, then looked at me. I motioned with my hand as if to say,The ball is in your court.He nodded, seeing the motion.
“Yeah, Cheye. I could always use your help.”
She grinned. “Good. Let’s see what kind of creature this is.”
“Creature, huh? Where did you learn that word?”
“Wild Kratts.”
Chris chuckled.
I grabbed Ash from the car seat, swung her diaper bag over my shoulder, then followed the other two into the wildlife center. As soon as I stepped inside, the smell of animals hit me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over that smell, but it wasn’t exactly horrifying. However, the quiet of the evening surprised me. I’d never come here when there was no one else around.
An animal made a noise, and Ash’s eyes rounded. I repressed a chuckle and nuzzled my cheek against hers. “It’s okay, baby. Probably the ferret.”
I’d seen videos of Chris and Kimble. The black-footed ferret made noises I’d never imagined an animal could make. Maybe they scared off predators in the wild. Ferrets weren’t the biggest animal, that was for sure.
“Will the person come through the front door?” I asked Chris.
He was turning on lights left and right. “We actually intake animals in the back. I’m just lighting the way, so we don’t bump into anything. Gotta make sure the girls are safe.” He looked over his shoulder and made a face.
Ash immediately giggled, tilting her head to the side. This was her new way to laugh, and it filled me to the brim. She was such a happy baby, and the way she laughed chased away my sadness and brought joy to my life. I’d always loved my nieces—how could I not? But taking care of them had changed my love in a way I didn’t know how to describe. I would die for them, but I wanted to live for them more.
Ifonly I could figure out exactly what that looked like. Parenthood seemed to be a fluid concept that required daily change, and the person inside me who loved routine struggled with the notion I couldn’t predict each day. Sure, I could say I’d go to work, drop Ash at daycare, et cetera, but that was it. I didn’t know if Ash would have a blowout diaper one day or upchuck the next because she thought a jar of snap peas was repugnant. It certainly smelled bad enough to induce projectile vomiting.
Regardless, not knowing what would come my way threw me off and made me want to retreat, but I had to continuously show up for the girls. Plus, I didn’t want Chris taking on more responsibility. Cheyenne and Ashlynn were mine, not his. How could I expect him to give up so much for nothing in return?
