“Ash called Chris Dada.”
I’d wondered if she’d caught that. “She’s a baby. They just babble.” Though it sure didn’t feel like nonsensical words when it sounded very much likedaddy.
“I also heard her call you Mama yesterday.”
Uh-oh.Was Cheye mad at me? I couldn’t make Ash stop babblingdadaandmama, but eventually she’d learn to say words likeauntieandChris, right?
I held back a sigh. “Does it upset you?” I asked quietly.
“A little.”
My poor sweet girl.I’d give her a hug as soon as I retrieved her from the bath. “Just so you know, I’ve been trying to get her to sayauntie.”
“I know.” Cheye’s bottom lip poked out. “But Ash won’t remember Mommy and Daddy when she’s old, will she?”
“She probably won’t have any memories of her own since she’s so young.”
“Will I forget them too?”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Sweetie, I’ll do everything to help you both remember them and how amazing they were.”
I’d already made photo albums for each of the girls. I’d hung family pictures in their rooms, as well as individual ones I’d found of Asher and Ellynn. I even told them stories about when Ellynn and I were younger.
“Can I call you Mama?” Cheye’s voice was so small. “Ashlynn does.”
My breath hitched. How did I navigate this? “Do you really want to, or do you think you have to because Ash did?”
Cheyenne’s brow furrowed. “I don’t want to be different.”
I cupped her face. “I would be honored, but please,please, know you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Eventually Ash will learn to sayauntie.” But a part of me cherished the words from Ash. I’d probably never have kids of my own, and hearingmamamelted me.
“Regardless of what you call me, I’ll always be here for you, ’kay?”
Cheye nodded, and I kissed her cheek.
She went right back to playing.
I wasn’t sure if doing so was a coping mechanism, but I envied her. I’d like nothing more than to grab my phone and pretend like something held my attention while my inner self fell apart. Still, we had the rest of her bath time routine to get through.
Soon Cheye was tucked into bed, and Ash lay in her crib.
The only question was, Should I cry now or fall apart in Chris’s arms?Door number two, please.
I raced up the stairs and sat gingerly on the couch so as not to jostle Chris’s legs. “I need a hug.”
He opened his arms. “I’m sorry Ash called me Dada. That had to have been a shock.”
I sighed. “Yes and no. She’s called me Mama, but I chalked it up to her just practicing the sounds she can make now.”
Chris studied me. “Did you really, or did you have mixed emotions?”
“Mixed emotions, of course.” Tears welled in my eyes. “Cheye thought she had to call me Mama because Ash did.”
“Oh wow.” He said nothing so I listened to his heartbeat, thankful I didn’t have to carry this burden alone. “But you reassured her?”
“Yes. I just hate that she’s going through this at five. I hate that Ellynn and Asher aren’t here.”
“I imagine you always will.” Chris placed his chin on top of my head. “But the girls couldn’t be in better hands. You love them like they’re your own and not merely your nieces. That’s probably why Ellynn and Asher wanted the girls to be in your care.”
