“Erykah...” Chris ran a hand down his face. “After that”—he pointed between us—“don’t you think it’s even more imperative that you move out? I don’t think I can stay in the same place with you now that we’ve kissed.”
I bit my lip. I wasn’t going to lie. I loved the look he gave me as if he couldn’t get enough. At the same time, I loved that he didn’t want to live with me forthatreason. “I’ll move out as long as you retract the ridiculous reason you suggested.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He chuckled. “I was a fool. I retract that reason and offer up your virtue and mine as the valid one.”
My virtue? He cared about my virtue? How sweet was this man? “Um, do we need to have an exclusivity conversation?” Why was this so awkward? I should’ve just usedDTRconfidently instead of acting like a geriatric millennial.
“Exclusivity? You’re it for me, Erykah Kennedy.”
I couldn’t keep the joy from showing on my face. “And you’re it for me, Chris Gamble.”
As I curled up next to his side, I wished I could tell Ellynn that I’d finally found someone. She’d probably break out singing the Barbra Streisand and Bryan Adams song. And though I couldn’t tell her, knowing how she’d respond gave me the comfort I needed in this moment.
Forty
Chris stared up at the ceiling. He’d been talking to God for the past half hour as the machine next to him showed his vitals. The room lights had been turned off long ago as it was currently five in the morning. He should be asleep, but after the tech had checked his vitals, his eyes had remained open, and his mind had begun thinking.
Erykahlovedhim. His heart filled with some kind of euphoria he couldn’t describe. Not that he needed to. It was enough knowing how she felt. But now he was stuck. Did he let her move out with the girls when that was the last thing he actually wanted?
After they’d talked for a couple of hours last night, she had returned to his place. Though she’d offered to take off work today, he didn’t want her whole schedule to be rearranged when he wasn’t going to be doing anything but recovering. She would bring the girls to visit after work, and that was perfect.
But back to the larger issue at hand.
Chris had had enough time to think. What he’d come to realize was one, considering the girls moving out created a hole in his heart that he wanted to close back up as quicklyas possible, and two, he didn’t actually want Erykah to move out ...ever. Which left him with the question, Could he actually let them leave?
The thought of him and Erykah sharing the same place now that they were in a romantic relationship gave him pause. It pricked at his sense of propriety and what God would think. But if marriage was his endgame, did it make sense for her to buy a house, only for them to marry down the line and move back in together? Not that he was suggesting they shack up either.
But does she even like your house? It’s too ecofriendly for her.
Well, no, she called it home. Other than the earlier adjustments, Erykah had adapted to his way of life, or they’d found a compromise that they could both be satisfied with. She fit perfectly in his home, in his arms, in his heart.
Lord, I don’t want her to leave. I don’t want the girls to leave. I’ll miss them so much.
Still, could he honestly say he was ready for marriage this instant? Was he just looking at the situation with his limited worldview? The last thing he wanted to do was jump into marriage simply to keep them from leaving. He wanted to walk in God’s will for this relationship. Something he hadn’t done for the last one.
Lord, I just want the best for them. You know how much I love Erykah. How much I love Cheyenne and Ashlynn ... like they were my own children.
Watching them grow over these past few months had given him pure joy. He couldn’t recall when he’d been so happy to go home and find people there. No, not justpeople, but specifically Erykah and the girls.And maybe that’s why you never wanted to rest before.
His mom had shown him the importance of working. She’dbarely had time to grieve the death of his father before she’d had to return to work. And other than the week he took to wallow in pity after Tracey jilted him, Chris didn’t take a lot of vacation days.
But being a family with Erykah and the girls had fulfilled something in him. Sharing his love of animals, nature, and conservation efforts throughout his home had warmed his heart. Cheye even knew exactly which bins to throw items into. She liked seeing the snow melt and go through the purification system he had. He couldn’t wait to share what the garden would look like come spring. They’d become his family as sure as anything.
Lord, what do I do? Do I propose to Erykah or wait?
And what does Erykah want?
The thought stood out in his mind. Here he was trying to prevent her from exiting, and he hadn’t even asked her what she wanted. Sure, she’d admitted to wanting to be near him, but to what end? Had she thought about marriage? Or did she want to take their relationship slowly?
He blew out a breath. That conversation would have to wait until she stopped by after work. All he could do was tell the Lord what he wanted and submit to His will. Chris may or may not get the desire of his heart, but heknewGod would give him a perfect gift. Whatever that might be.
Be patient. Be still and let God work everything out for your good and, more importantly, Erykah’s.
The thought cheered him up. God would take care of all of them—that was a promise. Chris closed his eyes and prayed he could get some more sleep.
Unfortunately, the next shift woke him before he could fall into a deep sleep. He didn’t have his laptop, so he couldn’t work on that. All he had was his cell phone.
Chris
