“Bye, Ty.”
When she hangs up first, I stare at my screen until it goes dark. Hope and disappointment churn through me. Our short conversation barely scratched into anything real, but the point is that she called. That’ssomething. Progress. Maybe it’s possible to dig ourselves out of the pit we fell into. We have to start somewhere, even if it’s an unproductive phone call.
An uneasiness settles on me. Why didn’t I bring up any of the things we’ve been holding against each other? Like the betrayal of her choosing Dad over me? Maggie doesn’t see it that way, but how can she not? She didn’t so much as make a peep about how angry we both were that day. I could hear the tension in her tone. She isn’t over it;she’s trying to stuff it down. Speaking from experience, bottling things up and pretending they don't exist only comes back to bite you, and sidestepping feelings can only last so long. I sigh, grabbing my book from the bedside table, ready to escape from whatever tonight was.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
AVERY
When Ty excuses himself,I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.
I give him a little wave as Dolly snuggles close to my thigh. Ty disappears down the hall, his weird sci-fi movie droning on in the background. I don’t know what’s happening on the screen, nor do I care. I only want Ty. He’s all I can think about.
I think this is the self-sabotage my mom was talking about. Because what woman in her right mind sacrifices anything for a man she just met? I let out a long sigh because the thing is, I haven’t known him as long as I’ve known some people, but I know what I need to. I know that he’s patient with me, that he doesn’t lose his mind when I overlook some trivial thing like emptying the lint trap in the dryer. I know that he wants me as bad as I want him, or he wouldn’t have kissed me the way he just did.
My heart bangs against its bony cage. If I could relive those kisses on loop for the rest of my life, I would. Butthen a quiet voice inside speaks up. It’s the one I’ve spent years running from. Maybe it’s my own, but it sounds an awful lot like the words that have been whispered my way for quite some time. The voice taunts me, questioning my motives.
Do you really like him, Avery? Or are you determined to wreck everything good like you always do?
The perpetual optimist in me wants to believe that I’m wrong. Maybe we could work, despite our obvious restraints. Maybe my self-sabotage is a hoax. A fictional thing my family throws in my face when I fall out of line or fall in love with some new, trivial thing. Like caring for plants.
I sigh, angry with myself for downplaying my plant passion, angry over this entire debacle. It hurts to think that Ty and I will never have a fighting chance. If I’m going to cling to my crumbling professional life—let's face it, both jobs are hanging by a thread—I can’t throw Ty into the mix. I can’t be what I've always been told I am. The silly, bubbly, too-carefree girl. The one who guys can’t see a serious relationship with. The one who changes her mind every five seconds and can’t hang onto anything, especially a man.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and Ty’s reserved gaze flashes across my mind. I swear there was something between us. I should know the difference between love and lust by now, but I’m not sure I trust myself. Wanting something badly enough doesn’t make it true. He said it himself; he doesn’t want anything serious. But he’s happy to have a friend. Still, I can’t help but wonder if maybe this time, it’s different, for bothhimandme.
This is exactly why you can’t trust yourself.
Ty and I can’t be together. The timing isn’t right.We’renot right. We may never be, and that’s the worst part.
When I close my eyes, I can still feel his lips on mine, and that will have to be good enough for now.
Pulling out my phone, I text Larissa. The only way to remove a temptation is to remove myself from the picture.
Me
Please tell me that place you told me about is still open
Larissa
I can ask her if she’s rented it out yet. Wanna check it out next week?
Me
Yes please
Ty and I haven’t had a full conversation since movie night. An entire week and a half has passed, and it’s been nothing more than:
Hey, Avery.
Hi, Ty.
Weather is nice, Avery.
It sure is, Ty.
Then he jogs up the stairs to his room, and silence ensues until another chance encounter that might go something like:
Thanks for dusting the built-ins, Avery.
