Can I get a rain check on seeing you?
Me
I think you have to if we’re still trying to convince everyone we’re falling in love
Immediately, I regret mentioning it at all. Why bring up the fact that none of this is real? Why remind her when things seem to have taken a step to the next, flirtier level?
Lena
Which reminds me, we need to talk soon. Antonia gave me some news and I want to discuss in person.
My stomach drops. No guy ever wants to hear those fatal words, but it’s even more cryptic with the added “in person” bit. All the mention of Antonia does is remind me that we’reon borrowed time. Our clock is ticking, and soon, I won’t have an excuse to be around Lena anymore. Our deal will be done. With my Vital Reign sponsorship officially on the table, it might as well be a done deal now. As great as it feels to meet that personal goal, it doesn’t compare to being with Lena. Having her to myself. I think about life without her. Life before her. It was good, but bland. The sponsorship was what I’d been pining for, but now that’s been replaced with a certain blue-eyed, brown haired girl. Dumping that drawer was as much for her as it was for me. I meant it when I said I was done with that stuff. I want what Nora and Ian have, and I want to see if I can build that with Lena. With time running out, I know exactly what I need to do.
I call Lena three times before she answers. After our last run-in at the studio-–regardless of how last night went—I’m not showing up unannounced. Sure, I feel a little overbearing, but this can’t wait. Two brown paper bags are clenched in my fists. Niko reamed me tonight for lying to him last time I was in picking up lunch for Lena and me. I gave him another one about how I couldn’t just expose my relationship “before we knew it was love.” He seemed happy with that little insider answer, and I tipped him extra before I left with my order. Lies are okay if they’re making people happy, right?
Ives sits in the car with his flashers on, waiting for me like he’s my mom after school or something. I slide in, double-checking his GPS to make sure he has the address right. I don’t speak to him the entire way there, my hands are too sweaty, my collar suddenly too tight, until we park and Lena throws the door open. She’s like a breath of fresh air. And then I register herexpression. She looks annoyed. Then her eyes fall to the bags in my hands.
“Niko’s?” she asks.
I nod.
“Thank God. I don’t even think I’ve eaten today.”
“I know.”
“What did I ever do to deserve a fake boyfriend like you?” Her hand slides up my arm, landing on my shoulder. It’s such a small thing, but it feels so right. “Seriously. Thank you, Decker.”
I want to reach out and grab it and never let go, but I have two greasy bags dangling from each of my fists, so that’ll have to wait. “Gotta take care of my girl.”
Her brows arch playfully, a little grin bending her pink lips. Just when I think I’ve made a mistake, that maybe she’ll correct me, she snatches up a bag and starts toward the studio. Paper crinkles as she digs in, grabbing a few fries and shoving them in her mouth. I follow her down the hall until we get to the studio door. Pressing her back against it before I can get it for her, she swings it open. It’s then that I realize she’s still wearing my shirt.
As cute as that sounds—and as she looks—the last thing I want tonight is to be reminded that this isn’t real. That last night—the kiss, the sleepover, the show we put on for everyone else all night—wasn’t real. Lena deserves more than a facade, more than someone using her for what she can do for them. Vital Reign ricochets around my mind. No doubt the deal with them will be sweet. Life-changing. It’s exactly what I’d been waiting for, but using Lena to achieve it doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment. In fact, it makes me feel like crap. She’s worth so much more, and I want her to know that.
Finally, I muster the gonads to say it out loud. “What did you do to deserveme? The real question is, what did I do to deserveyou?”
I follow her into the dark room. She doesn’t respond, ratcheting my pulse up a notch or two. She takes her time sauntering through the space, flipping on a lamp and saturating half the room in yellow light. No sound guy is here, no one is at the button board. We’re alone. Lena sits in an armchair, splaying her food out on a small side table.
I sit opposite her, insecurity eating at me until I decide to try again. “If it weren’t for you, Vital Reign wouldn’t have ever looked my way again.”
She takes a bite but doesn’t look up at me. “How long have you known about that?”
“Maybe a few days.”
She chews and swallows. Her eyes finally meet mine, and something in them looks hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me last night?”
“I wasn’t thinking about it.”
She stares at me incredulously, her blue eyes lasering a hole into mine. “That was like the whole reason we’re doing this thing, and you aren’t thinking about it?”
“I was thinking about a few other things last night.”
She doesn’t break eye contact, and I feel my heart hammer in my chest at the fact that I did it. I mentioned last night. I’ve done harder things in my life, but mentioning our sleepover—something I very well could have misinterpreted the vibes of—is right up there with some of the most nerve-wracking things I’ve done.
When she doesn’t glower at the memory, I forge on. “You kissed me.”
She coughs, bringing a fist to her chest as she nearly chokes on her bite. She takes a few chugs from her bottled water then turns toward me again. “You kissed me first.”
For a long moment, we stare at each other, no one saying a thing.
