“Now that that’s out of the way, and you’re kind of over your variables, I’m currently the one overprocessing right now.”
“Overprocessing what?”
“A baby, Indiri.”
Chapter
Sixteen
Indiri
A baby.Selah told me she was pregnant a few days ago and neither of us had spoken about it since. It was like we both existed around it, mentally overthinking it, but not speaking on it. We didn’t talk about it for different reasons, which bothered me. Though it was made clear that neither of us were going anywhere at any point, a baby made things tense. Not in a way that we didn’t speak and avoided one another, we just didn’t talk about the baby or its possible existence.
“You have been mugged up for like two days, Indi. What’s wrong?” Jordyn sat next to me in the car. We had just left yet another fucking photoshoot and were now headed to meet Remy and the fight promoter.
I grunted.
“Nigga, speak. What’s wrong?” Jordyn’s expression showed how much I got on her nerves.
“Selah is pregnant.”
Her expression was serious. Then before I knew it she was grinning and cheesing, doing the fucking cabbage patch in the car. “I’m gonna be an auntie… an auntie.” Then out of nowhereshe paused and her expression grew serious. “Are we not happy? Is she not keeping it?”
I shrugged. “Hell yeah she’s keeping it, why wouldn’t she?”
“Um, because you don’t seem happy about it. You’re giving off attitude.”
I shrugged. “Shit, I don’t know. I wanna be happy.”
“Okay, then do that. She’s carrying you?—”
“You know my upbringing and everything with my mama. How do you know I’ma even be a good father?”
“Because you had one. Yes you have had your difficulties with the absence of your mother and everything else, but you had so much more. You can be a parent and look around. Your child wouldn’t need or want anything. This is a village and you have that in Chicago too. Stop telling yourself you don’t deserve happiness because you do. Selah is not your mother, she wants to be with you and she will be with you. Your mother made you feel like the life she had before you was so much better and we both know that was selfish.”
I blinked listening to her talk, nearly regurgitating the words I’d told her over the years.
“Selah doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body, especially not when it comes to you. She will not wake up one day and choose someone over you. Nothing about that woman will regret loving you, Indi. I promise.”
I just looked at her, allowing her words to settle. She was right and that shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. I had been overprocessing this pregnancy like I was the only one who would have to deal with it or be present. Shit, Selah was nervous as well, yet I allowed my childhood trauma and fear of abandonment to aid me in only considering myself.Fuck.
“I’m right, right?”
I grinned. I hated when she knew she was right and also expected me to tell her she was right.
“And also. You told me you liked Selah’s family. With that being said, neither of you are alone in this. Now can we be happy about this? Because I want to be happy about this.”
I laughed, about to respond, but Jordyn’s phone began lighting up and ringing in her lap. Shit nearly blinded me, like always.
She answered immediately.
While she talked on the phone, I pulled out my phone to check in with Selah. Our conversation had something heavy on my mind. Even though I knew I was gonna see her in a matter of hours, I still felt like I needed to talk to her. I settled for text, knowing damn well if I heard her voice I’d cancel my meeting and be in her face in less than an hour.
Me:You ate today?
Selah:Random but yes. Khia made gumbo. Of course, yours probably tastes like vegetable broth. The pot she made for me has EVERYTHING in it.
I laughed aloud at her response. We didn’t talk about the baby, but her appetite had picked up in a way that made it impossible not to consider. Food made shorty happy as fuck these days.
