I didn’t know why I looked around when he asked. We were the only two up here, and Bigs, his security guard, was sitting on a stool outside the door. I’d heard it move every time a waitress came in to serve us or check on us. This place was secluded.
“He didn’t do anything. I guess it’s just me mourning what never really was,” I admitted. It was crazy how I could admit this to him, someone I didn’t know much about, but not my sister.
“Meaning?”
“Out of six years, he confirmed he’s been cheating on me for about four. Then three out of those four years felt like something wasn’t right. Even though I didn’t know, I knew. It’s like this inkling or feeling that ate away at me but I ignored it because I trusted him over my gut. I allowed myself to see a future unattainable by either of us because I was too busy with my head in the clouds and he took advantage of that.”
“So, it ain’t the loss of the nigga. It’s the loss of what you thought you had?”
I giggled, because he said everything in the plainest language and it made sense. “Yeah.”
He sat back in his seat and nodded. “I get it.”
“Have you ever been in love, Indiri?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Never been the typa nigga out here looking for it.”
“Never?” I scooped some of the ice cream from the pail onto my spoon.
He shook his head.
“Why are you scared of it?” I studied him, looking for some kind of physical tell. Every time I was in his presence he was always so stoic and controlled. He was the type of nigga I would hate to argue with because I’d be literally arguing with myself.Too cool.
He shook his head again. “I ain’t scared of shit, mama. I’m just not looking to hand somebody that typa control over me. I have siblings, three brothers and a sister. Err’body is either married or on their way. Niggas fall in love and forget who they were before it. That ain’t me.”
“What if love made them better, and you’re just seeing one side of the coin, because you refuse to give love a chance?”
He grinned, offering the first reaction I’d seen since we got here. Then he leaned into my space, so close I swore he was about to kiss me. “What has love done for you?”
“Not a damn thing because I haven’t fallen in love yet.”
He licked his lips, yet to back up. “So, you didn’t love ol’ boy?”
“Of course I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. There’s a difference between being in love and love.”
He nodded, still not backing up.
At this point I was nervous, because he was close enough to kiss me and I wanted him to.
“Good to know. So since you ain’t in love with nobody, can I kiss you?” It was like he read my mind.
I nodded and he leaned in further, his lips finally touching mine. God, I had missed his touch even though I’d only experienced it one other time.
For most of the evening we just talked, getting to know one another as if he hadn’t caught me crying two times and played Captain Save One.
Then, after spending enough time in Rune’s Room, we were in the back seat headed to the parking garage where my car was. The entire time his lips seemed glued to my skin. It wasn’t a long drive from Watertown to downtown Briar, but I wanted it to be longer. With everything I had going on, I wanted to soak up as much of these thoughtless moments as I could because reality was just a little too heavy right now.
Chapter
Four
Indiri
When we pulled up to Selah’s car, I got out to walk her over to it. Before she could get in, I tugged her back. She had given me her number in the car, so there was nothing else I needed to say to her, but still, I wanted her attention.
“I ain’t gonna see you crying in random places anymore, am I?”
A small smile filled her features. “No, you won’t.”
