What was wrong with me?
She goaded me so easily. I could see it then, in the cold darkness, looking up at the light in her window.
I was fucking psychotic, unable to truly leave, because what if she was gone when I came back? What if she packed her bag, left, and went back to him?
I shook the thought from my mind and produced an audible growl.
Did she want to go back to him?
Did she care for him?
Were they together?
Did she call himheralpha?
I’d never even considered it before.
Darren said the Blizzard boy treated her like a pet, like something to show off, putting her in dresses that were smaller and smaller. He said sometimes she’d be at the games, and he could see she was bruised. Bruises in the shape of fingers and hands.
Was it abuse or…
No.
But I’d never asked about her relationship with the Blizzard boy.
I wanted to smoke. The chill of the air was not enough to cool my chest; maybe I could smother the heat with smoke. It was a shame I quit.
Hannah had begged. Said she couldn’t stand the smell. After I stopped, I kind of agreed. But sometimes I missed the smell.
I missed the smell of Harriet.
The smell of her arousal.
I had smelled her arousal before. I know I had. It wasn’t all in my head. It wasn’t all unwelcome.
How could I have grabbed her like that, thrown her around like that? She was too small.
I pulled out my phone and rang Sara.
“Cole, are you at the bonfire?” she asked, her voice groggy; clearly, she had been asleep.
“No, I didn’t attend,” I told her.
“Why are you calling?” she asked. I heard her sitting up in bed. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just. I’m feeling kind of wolfish,” I said, unable to find the words to tell my older sister that I was somehow struggling with my instincts worse than I had ever known anyone to experience.
“Wolfish?” she asked.
“Is something wrong?” I heard Branden ask.
“Everything’s fine. I don’t know why I’m calling. I didn’t mean to wake you two up,” I told her dismissively, regretting calling her.
“Hey, hold on. You’re not injured?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
“You’ve not injured someone else and need help?” she continued.
