I left her in there.
Not with just my demons…
But with my parents as well.
ISLA
I think I just stood there, shocked for a good minute, contemplating what the hell just happened. I’d never been in this room, and now I was in there alone, trapped with the ghosts that were still very much living inside these walls.
I didn’t snoop. I grabbed the first dress that looked like it would fit me and hightailed it out of there. After I was ready, I stood there in front of the mirror, looking at the girl staring back at me. Her hair red and vibrant, beaming against the white color of her dress that fit her body like a glove.
I didn’t recognize my own reflection. I had decided to go light on my makeup too. I felt like the girl I was never allowed to be, the one I was supposed to be. It was such an eye-opening experience I never expected to have. I never considered things like this.
Parties.
Outfits.
Boys.
Now, throwing in wearing a dress their mother picked out added a whole lot of confusion into the mix. She had good taste. She must have been petite like me since the dress fit as if it were made for me.
So much had already happened between Kraven and me, and we’d only gotten started.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell Julius about who I was. It was more from his not asking me. I knew he wasn’t trying to push me, and I appreciated that. I suppose you could say that with Julius, I never felt the need to speak, yet now with Kraven, I wanted to. It was such a mix of conflicting emotions toward the brothers.
The truth was, part of me didn’t want to go to a party with Kraven, while another part of me, a bigger part of me, definitely craved it. I’d never been to a party.
I wasn’t aware of why he wanted to show me his world, only that he desired to. He was good, I’d give him that. I’d met some boys like him in the group homes, girls not far behind, chasing them. I never wanted to be one, yet there I was, walking down the stairs to do exactly that.
He was in the kitchen, staring into the drawer that held his memories. As soon as he heard my footsteps approach, he slammed the drawer shut, and it rattled the walls, making me shudder slightly .
He spun around to face me. Instantly, his eyes raked me over like he was looking at me for the first time as his breath hitched.
I was wearing a V-neck, spaghetti strap white dress with black knee-high boots and stockings. I was holding my black jean jacket and scarf since it was cold outside.
As I stood before him, I continued to think about guys and how they were something I had never considered or even thought about. My life had always been about one thing and one thing alone...
Survival.
It was a lonely life I created, where I had believed my own lies about not needing to rely on anyone other than myself. I was the source of my own sadness and possibly the destruction of my ownhappiness. It was easier to drown out the chaos of the heavy load I carried day after day. Trying to find the meaning of life and the price I would pay for taking one.
My mind was sometimes my own worst enemy. The memories were a constant reminder of the battle I fought every single day. They felt so real, so consuming, so life-changing, like they hadn’t already changed everything. Like my life hadn’t been flipped upside down and turned inside out by the past, by Julius, and now possibly Kraven.
Our lives weren’t so different, except they had each other. The sentiments of what we lived through and the internal scars they left behind were the same. Making my feelings for them run that much deeper, that much harder, that much more real.
It had been that way since the very beginning with Julius, and as the years flew by, the more I realized maybe it was that way with Kraven, too.
Eventually, they both wanted toownme.
When my life already did.
Which was why I had said from the very start, I couldn’t stay here much longer. I needed to stay away from the boy who meant more to me than words could ever truly express. I couldn’t drag them down, not after everything Julius had already done for me. It was such a plaguing thought, one that dragged me under on a daily basis.
However, standing there with Kraven, openly staring at me, so obviously affected by my appearance as I was, I began to feel seen in the same way I was last night with his brother.
The thought alone had me feeling all sorts of regret…
Yet there it was, and there was no hiding from it.
