No one ever sang me “Happy Birthday.” There were years when I didn’t even remember my own. I made myself think it didn’t matter, and now it mattered more than anything, all because I put my trust into a woman who didn’t deserve it.
I couldn’t sit there anymore. It felt claustrophobic, invasive, like the walls could read my thoughts or something. Throwing it back in my face that I should have listened to them from the beginning. That I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up and relied on a woman who abandoned them.
What was I thinking?
I tried to keep myself busy by straightening up the kitchen and starting a new load of laundry. However, my thoughts kept getting worse.
Every time I heard a car go by, I believed it was her.
Every time I heard a voice outside, an animal, the wind blowing a little too harshly, I believed it was her.
I silently yelled at myself not to glance toward the door, but I did anyway, and it remained shut.
Seconds.
Minutes.
Hours.
My thoughts lay heavy on my mind as I smiled at the boys, playing it off, holding on to the hope she’d come through for me. Then the clock got too loud, the time got too loud…
Tick, tock.
I started thinking about being back in ten.
Then ten more minutes.
Then ten more.
And then more.
Two hours flew by, and it was past midnight. Now it was the next day, and my birthday was over. I was officially another year older.
An adult.
Legal.
Something about the way the clock dinged at twelve, echoingloudly in the room, smacked me in the face with the realization that she truly didn’t show up for me when she promised she would. The moment it went off, I felt something in me snap as if it were a twig, and there was no holding back.
No holding it in either.
“Isla, are you okay?”
Kraven’s voice was all it took for me to crack. I didn’t make a sound until a cry came out, surprising me as well. My skin was clammy, my stomach churning, and then all in one breath, I began laughing.
The boys must have thought I’d lost my mind, and maybe in a way I had. To go from having no one, no love, no friends, no nothing to feeling a part of something, a unit, a bond, a family, for it to be brutally taken away before it had a chance to bloom. It was a rose being ripped from a garden.
“Isla.” Kraven’s low tone was filled with concern. It was evident in his expression.
When he reached for me, I flinched as my gaze connected with Julius’s. He was still on the couch, except his attention was solely focused on me. I didn’t want them to see how much I was hurting from the inside out and how much it felt like I was being choked with barely any air left to steal.
There was a huge lump I couldn’t force out of my chest. I couldn’t swallow it down. I couldn’t spit it out. It was stuck, a permanent part of me. A reminder of what could have been.
“I thought…” I was unable to finish my sentence.
My thoughts.
It hurt too much, and I never expected it to. I believed in her and took her side against the boys, which caused a conflict between us.
