I bet the boys have a much different perspective.
I had no clue what I was doing there with her to begin with, but when she showed up at the house for the hundredth time and the guys weren’t there, I couldn’t turn her down when she begged me to go shopping with her. They’d been completely ignoring her. Julius even got the locks changed to the house in case she made a copy.
Having to admit that I felt bad for her wasn’t something I could discuss with either of them. They refused to broach the subject and immediately shut me down whenever I tried.
Kraven’s birthday was tomorrow. She said she wanted to recreate his last party, including theJurassic Parktheme. We spent all morning Ubering around for supplies, and this was our last stop, but theguilt was eating me alive. I couldn’t shake it. It was too much. However, that didn’t stop me from being there with her to help her find decorations and everything in between.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” I repeated, hanging on by a thread.
“Nonsense!” she excitedly shouted. “It’s going to be the best!”
The cost of everything she bought was adding up with each store we went into. Money didn’t seem to be an issue to her. She spent it faster than a hamster running on a wheel.
“So… Melody, what do you do for a living?”
“Oh, you know… a little of this, a little of that.”
“I see.”
“Oh!” She grabbed chips off the rack. “We finally found them!”
I hated that I was doing this. I felt like I was betraying them—and, in a way, I was. Still, I was drawn to her. Maybe because I’d been living in her house and I’d gone through her things, her memories… Or perhaps it was just from being a woman too, and I could relate to her wanting to make amends and reconnect with her sons.
The list was endless of maybes. I found a maybe for everything. Feeling as if I was learning more about the boys in ways they would never be able to show me or even explain. The irony was that it was probably pushing me away from them. Their points of view were much different from mine.
It was all fucked, and I wasn’t much for swearing, but there was no better word to describe what was happening and what we were all feeling, whether they were opposite emotions or not.
It didn’t help that I found all their personal items. All their family mementos, their keepsakes, their past…
So much was left behind for someone who wasn’t eventually going to return home, making me assume she thought she’d come back at some point. Maybe time got away from her.
It wasn’t an excuse, though the truth could sometimes sound like that. I tried to see their sides, truly I did. I already felt this deep connection to her. Maybe it was from never thinking I’d have a woman figure in my life.
The way she was acting.
Begging them for forgiveness.
It was calling to me.
Shewas calling me.
Against my better judgment, I indulged her. Offering a little more insight into her sons’ lives for her. I did keep it to the bare minimum, not wanting to invade their privacy by providing information to a woman who didn’t deserve it. Especially when she could have been there, experiencing it with them.
She told me how she was a recovering alcoholic and addict, and how she felt like the worst mother in the world for the longest time. Spending every day since trying to make up for her past mistakes by finding some stability in her life. She’d been in recovery for a while and wanted to contact Julius and Kraven, but wasn’t ready until now.
She was persistent that everything happened for a reason, and Kraven needing her was her reason.
Their reason.
Hearing how they grew up and getting a deeper glimpse into their world and past felt intrusive, since they weren’t the ones confessing any of it to me, and they possibly never would have. It was why I was listening so intently, paying attention to every word she said.
She seemed genuine.
Honest.
Blunt.
I appreciated that.
