“Let’s see what we can find, but that’s axolotl-ing a lot out of one backpack.” He chuckles, and yeah, I laugh, Lucy laughs, and right now I love … us.
The entire time, Lucy keeps up a steady monologue from the back, narrating what she sees outside the window, “brown dog, that car is blue like the sky, look, birds!” Switching to what she plans to do with her future backpack, “Maybe I will put books in it, crayons, pencils…or snacks? Cheese. Can I bring cheese?”
Lenzin humors her at every turn, answering each question with the same solemnity he would use in a boardroom or a locker room. It’s like watching two diplomats negotiate a peace treaty—no detail is too small to be discussed, no dream too ridiculous to be entertained.
“Can I put a cat in it? Will we get a cat one day after my new mom has my baby in her belly?”
I freeze, Lenzin glances at me, then smiles in the mirror back at Lucy, “You’re going to be the best big sister, Schatz.”
“And you’re gonna be the best big Daddy.” She smiles.
“And Hildy is the best Mommy, and do you know what that makes us?” he asks.
“What?” She grins.
And as he says it, I realize his answer is my biggest hope, “The best family.”
I hold my hand to my stomach, and don’t realize it until he places his hand there too.
“You ready meine kleine mama?”
Lucy laughs, “What does that mean?”
Together we say, “My little momma.”
“Does that mean you can be my new daddy too?” Lucy asks, and something inside of me alters; I’m just not sure what yet.
“That’s the plan.” He winks at me and smiles at her.
I get out still in a bit of shock that she knows and wonder why she never said anything. Did she find out at the doctors’? Did someone slip? No, they wouldn’t. Was she afraid to ask me? God, I hope not. I hope she is never afraid to ask me anything.
At the underground entrance to 10 Columbus Circle, he pulls a ticket, rolls smoothly into the garage, and parks with the same precision he brings to everything else. No circling. No scrambling for a spot. Controlled and contained.
I sit there still in a bit of shock as he opens my door, giving me a wide-eyed, yet truly amused WTF look, and I exhale a slow breath. He winks and then moves to open her door.
“Let’s go have some fun, shall we?”
She throws her arms around him, “The best family I ever had.”
I feel exactly what he said, that’s the plan.
On the elevator, he has her on his hip, holds her securely against him, and holds my hand with his other hand. I think of just five months from now and how there will be two more,two…more.
The elevator from the garage opens directly into the mall level, warm lighting replacing the harsh lights from the garage and elevator, and we step out. Nordstrom’s carpet is thick andmuted, the air smelling faintly of leather and perfume. It’s polished without being pretentious.
Lenzin sets Lucy on the floor, and she barrels toward the children’s section like she’s on a mission.
“We’d best try to keep up, meine kleine mama.” He pulls me toward her, and I feel the excitement resonating in him that’s much like hers, childlike, and I wish, God, how I wish I could allow myself to do the same.
The wall of backpacks is overwhelming. Glitter. Sequins. Neon explosions.
She grabs the first rainbow one she sees and holds it up like a trophy.
He crouches beside her—actually crouches—bringing himself fully to her level.
“Which one will serve you best, Schatz?” he asks seriously.
“That one.” She points.
