“Ma, I fucked up bad. I was trying to talk to Sin to tell him about the dreams I was having about Bronx and Zoo, lately.”
“Ok, what’s wrong with that?” she interrupted.
“I forgot Bronx was in the kitchen so she heard me say that I blamed meeting her for Zoo getting shot.”
“Hmp.”
“What?”
“Nothing, go ahead. I'm listening. What did she say when she heard you?”
“She told us to take that conversation to my house and get out of hers.”
“As she should.” Hearing the suck her teeth, made me blow out a deep breath ‘cause she was really bothered and I’ain like her not taking my side.
“Ma!”
“Go ahead, Son. I’m just saying. I would have done your father the same way because you are not about to say something that hurts my feelings and not expect me to say anything or not try to hurt your feelings back. You have to get past this because your cousin is fine, and it’s not Bri’s fault. Now don’t you go acting crazy because this is the one I want to be my daughter-in-law. You never had anyone else come around so my choice was slim. The fact that you did bring her around shows that you really like her, so why let someone’s stupid decision fuck up what you want to have with her?”
“You’re right.”
“I know! If you are still having problems, then I suggest you go to see a shrink.” A frown appeared on my face when she said that.
“Ma, I’m a twenty-six-year-old Black man—”
“Who obviously needs help. You think women are the only ones who need to talk to someone about the things they are going through? Men need to talk to people, too. Like childhood trauma, which I know you don’t have any of that because we treated you very well and spoiled the hell out of you. They can talk about their careers not going well and you feeling likea failure to your relationships not working out how they were supposed to. Get all of that off your chest to a person that's unbiased. Think about it, Son. You never know how it could help you.”
“I had to go because your father damn near drove me crazy. Now he wasn’t cheating because you know Smith men don’t cheat, but I found myself losing who I was in my marriage. I didn’t know what I liked, what hair style I loved, what my favorite food was, I was just a shell of my husband. Ask me what your father wanted for dinner on Thursday nights and I could tell you. The way he wanted his T-shirts in this drawer, his shorts in that one, and socks in the one beside the bed. Meanwhile, mine was just thrown in the drawer, and as long as they were clean, I didn’t care what drawer I put them in. Hell, I had T-shirts in my panty drawer.”
“When you lose yourself, it’s hard coming back from that. You have to put your foot down and take days off for just you. I started taking myself on dates, taking walks in the park and even making him do some of those things I had to do around the house. Even you, Jersey, and Austyn were getting things done around the house because I needed my peace back.”
“But when I started seeing a therapist, she helped me pull myself together. I could see me again. I smiled more, I loved myself more, and I knew what I would take and what I would no longer settle for. You have to talk to someone, Son, or you are going to worry yourself to death and lose your woman in the process. Fix it and also fix yourself. What happened to my nephew was traumatic and had an old lady on her knees praying for him and not myself, and you know how much I need prayer. I was scared, too, but he’s ok. Not mentally”—she laughed to herself—“but he’s here and that’s the only thing that matters. That other shit is nothing.”
“Thank you, Mama. I'll see if I can find someone to talk to.”
“If you can’t, I’ll help you find someone. I don’t need my baby out here going half-crazy.”
“Ma, I wasn’t going crazy.”
“Why you think I called you half-crazy? Now you know if Zoo is calling me to talk to you, then something ain’t right.”
“So, you already knew what was wrong?”
“Yep,” she said in a tone that had,and what,smothered all over it. “He did nothing wrong so don’t call him talking crazy. Keep actin’ like this, I'm putting you back in those anger management classes like Zoo suggested a few months ago.”
I laughed at this nigga really telling her that I needed to start those classes back. “I won’t say anything. I actually appreciate him for doing this because it’s what I needed to hear. Now, I just need to work on winning Bronx back over.”
“You got this, and if I need to help you get her back into your good grace, let me know.”
“I need help,” I immediately blurted out.
“Send me her number and let me handle the rest. I love you, Baby, now get back to work.”
“I love you more. Take care of yourself, Mama.”
“I’m doing my best. See you soon.”
Ending the call with her, I finally had somewhat of a clear head and was able to get back focused on work. Mama was going to get something together for Bri and hopefully, that helped so all I needed to do was get back to me and find a fucking shrink.
