“Do you mean everything you say in anger?”
“Sure do.”
“So you think I’m worthless?”
“Think about what the fuck you did and then tell me if you see yourself asworthy.”
“I’m worthy of Jana.”
“Good for you and her that her fucking standards are so low. Yours too, fuckface. Otherwise, you’d do fucking better.”
“I stopped using coke. That accounts for something.”
“Jesus Christ, that bar is in the fucking gutter if that’s what you’re measuringallyour fuckery by.”
Although he fell silent, she knew he was still behind her. She hadn’t turned because she’dwanted him to walk away. The more they engaged, the more they hurt each other.
“So if I OD’d tonight, you wouldn’t give a fuck?”
“CJ overdosed and he survived. Someone will revive you,” she said coldly, on the verge of a breakdown at Diesel’s tactics. He was so fucking unfair.
“You’re a vicious little bitch,” he spat.
Gritting her teeth to try and hold back her tears, she elbowed him. “What do you want from me, Diesel? Jesus, what? You got your stupid happy birthday. You’ve gotten me to not only accept Jana, but want to protect her, too. Do you want me to say how devastated I’d be if anything happened to you? You win with that one, too. I’d be crushed. Do you want me to congratulate you for not using drugs? Another win. Congrats. Do you want me to say I love you? I do. Do you want me to say that fucking painting was from me? It was. I wanted to do something special for your milestone because you mean so much to me. But what the fuck I’mnotsaying is you’re worthy ofme. Not as my brother and not as anything else. You’re a vile motherfucker and we both fucking know it. I don’t give a fuck who else thinks you’re the greatest thing on earth. You aren’t to me. You were fucking proud of how deeply you hurt me, so fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck you for the rest of your miserable fucking life. Fuck you from the bottom of my heart. I’m my mother’sdaughter and I’ll jump in boiling oil before I allow anyone or anything to defeat me.”
Pretty words that she’d repeat until she believed them again.
The tears blinding her barely allowed her to see the gate code to punch in. If she wouldn’t have brushed off Kaia, Diesel wouldn’t be torturing her.
“I love the painting of my mother, Rebel,” Diesel said after she finally punched in the gate code. “It…I will cherish it forever.”
“Jana will be happy to hear that,” she said thickly.
“You’re crying again.”
The observation held an accusatory note. But she reinstituted her silence. He was determined to bring her to her knees. All because she hadn’t wished him happy birthday.
She darted through the gate, hoping to catch him off-guard, so the metal clanked closed before he realized she’d escaped.
“Talk to me, sweetheart,” Diesel demanded as if he had the right, hot on her heels.
“Iamtalking to you. Be grateful and go back to your fucking party.”
“I’m where I want to be.”
“Good for you. I don’t want you with me.”
“That hurt.”
She walked faster. “You’re still breathing, so not enough.”
He was bigger than her with longer legs, so he easily caught up to her, yanked her into hisarms and wrapped her in a bear hug. The smell of smoke, alcohol, and leather washed over her.
He buried his nose in her neck and brushed his lips over her skin. Goosebumps shivered through her and she sagged against him.
“All the years you insisted on giving me a birthday present and made a production out of it went from amusement to annoyance for me. The last three or four years and your demand that my birthday come to a complete fucking halt until you gave me your birthday wishes pissed me the fuck off.”
“I didn’t even see you on your birthday last year.”
