“Let’s say that’s true. Which it isn’t. Not completely. You risked your job, my money, and my wrath to cheat. WithFia.”
“Cheat is a strong word.”
“I’m not playing a word game with you. You know why I say you’re a cheat.”
“Because she’s my Chi and I’m her Huahua.” He hung his head again. “I’m sorry. I know the first time Fia slept with me was because of Diesel, but this time, it was for me. There was no money involved. A lot of alcohol and lust but that’s it. I wasn’t someone to be bought and controlled. I was just a guy to hook up with. Rebel looks at me like I’m everything. She doesn’t see my lost potential and dreams. She doesn’t see the boy whose family blames him for his cousin’s death. She doesn’t see a guy from the wrong side of the tracks and who couldn’t even afford to pay for her fucking dinner.”
Meggie absorbed his words. Admittedly, her heart went out to him, so she asked, “If you’d kept your football scholarship, what would you have majored in?”
“My dad said to get a business degree.”
“Is that what you wanted?”
“I would’ve loved to study art and design. I don’t need training to write my poetry. That comes naturally.”
“Umkay.” What elsecouldshe say? “And now?”
“A pipe dream. I wanted to study in London. Big Ben has always fascinated me. I wanted to take a boat ride down the Thames. My mom said I was reaching and my dad said to focus on my good fortune of getting into Ridge Moore.”
“Meaning focus on football?”
Kaia nodded.
“If you had a way to study art, would you?”
“You mean, now?”
“Yes.”
“What about Rebel? I would be gone for at least three years.”
“If you start in the fall, she’d be nineteen by the time you graduated.”
“Legal.”
Meggie remained silent.
“You’re offering to fund that?”
“Yep.”
A pained expression crossed his face. “To get me away from Rebel?”
“Partially. But I’m also doing it for you. It seems important to you to get a degree. I’m not equipped to help you through your emotional trauma. You, yourself, are very young. Still a young adult. It’s hard for fully grown men to settle down with one girl. You need to find yourself before you can be any good to anyone else. Maybe you don’t ever want to settle down. Or, maybe, you’ll welcome a wife and kids after you play the field a little while. One thing I’m not doing is subjecting my daughter to the pain of you growing up. Our life is hard enough.”
“It seems like a very charmed existence.”
“A glossy apple is very tempting on the outside, but inside you might find a very rotten core.”
Kaia widened his eyes.
“Rebel and I live in a world dominated by men. We’re in a fishbowl because we belong to Christopher. Our every move, every word, is discussed. Even though Rebel was born into club life and I’ve lived it since I was eighteen, it’s hard. She wants to do things in the club that her gender will never allow. She wants to be treated equally to her brothers. As much as I fight for her, even I know that won’t ever happen. I try my best, but I don’t always make the right decisions.” She thought about those hideous journals. “The Death Dweller culture bleeds from one generation to the next with little variation, no matter how much we try to alter the outcome. Christopher and I, our family, found ways to give our children options, an out, a life that my husband only dreamed about growing up. But it’s a delicate balance and a constant battle, so no, it isn’t a charmed existence. It’s an illusion created by Christopher and me to hide the reality. Rebel has everything her daddy and I could give to her: our love, acceptance, money, beauty. She no longer feels safe and secure. She no longer has her twin. This life did that to her. I help whoever I can because I truly believe it’s the right thing to do. But I also am trying to bribe God to keep my husband and my sons safe. I’m currying favor so Rebel can find peace again and happiness. I’m repaying yet another debt because Jo survived. Is it right? Absolutely not. Do I pray?Regularly. But I lost my father, my mother, my son, and my brother to this life.”
“Rule is coming home,” Kaia said quietly.
“Not him. Patrick. I miscarried him after a severe beating and my pregnancies were never the same again.”
“I didn’t know.”
