“That motherfucker deserve a fuckin’ beatdown for what the fuck he did. Diesel ain’t had no fuckin’ excuse for that shit. Normally, I ain’t givin’ a good fuck. I just hand out punishments, but you been through enough. If you ain’t wantin’ me to beat him, I won’t.”
“I don’t,” she said immediately.
Disappointment surged into Christopher but he’d keep his word. “Next, it don’t fuckin’ matter what the fuck you doin’ in your own bedroom eventhat, this your private sanctuary. The female form, uh, ahuman bodynothin’ to be ashamed of. Some, uh, bod…uh…form…uh…shapes…uh…all of them…uh…” He heaved in a breath, embarrassed all over again, and scrubbed a hand over his face. “You a girl. Not a grown girl, but still a girl. I saw you when you was born. Your ma ain’t got you a sex change,” he rambled. “Uh, she ain’t said she did, so you still got a…a, uh,vagina,” he whispered, sweat popping from him. “And, uh, uh, uh…uh, you know, don’t be ashamed you got one. Even if a thousand motherfuckers see it…” Realizing what he said made him squint. “Uh,don’tlet a thousand motherfuckers see your it…yourthere…Not willingly…uh, yeah, even if they do, I can kill them and blind them. Blind them and kill them. Not Ryan cuz of your Aunt Bitsy. But…” He rubbed his hand over his sweaty brow. “Don’t be ashamed of yourself. You’re so gorgeous. Even if you was ass ugly, don’t let no motherfucker make you ashamed of yourself. And…and…and…whatever the fuck you did not gross. It’s just fuckin’ life. Don’teverlet no motherfucker shame you or bring you to your fuckin’ knees. You a fighter, baby. You as fierce as your ma. More than that, you just like me. You take that shit to the fuckin’ grave. Hear me, Rebel? Hold your head up and stand tall cuz not a motherfucker around can bring you down without your fuckin’ help. Don’t ever give a motherfucker that satisfaction or that control.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Rebel said, sitting a little taller, her demeaner changing. “I’ve forgiven Ryan.” She told him about the conversation shehad with that fuckhead and Devon not long after the girls exposed Ryan.
“You been through a lot, but I’m so fuckin’ proud of you.”
Rebel smiled. “I’m proud of you, too, and I love you so much.”
Christopher left with those words ringing in his ears.
Christopher: Meet me in your office. I want to show you something.
It took Meggie a few minutes to calm down after her run in with her husband and sons, but by the time Christopher’s latest message came through, her anger had faded.
Instead of responding, she brought her luggage to the foyer, then made her way down the west hallway to her office where Christopher sat on her sofa.
“Hey,” she greeted, plopping down and leaning againsthim.
Drawing in a deep breath, Christopher wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “I talked to Reb.”
The words pleased her, but she’d hold her opinion until he told her what they discussed.
He tightened his hold on her. “I’m so fuckin’ lucky to have you as their ma and I’m so fuckin’ sorry for the way I handle shit. I react and I know it’s not always the best way.”
“It isn’t,” she agreed. “You’ve got to stop manipulating me. You should know how much I love you without you having to twist whatever just so you’ll feel better. That isn’t how this works.”
His entire body wilted. “It always did—”
“It isn’t workingtoday,” Meggie said. “You took my birth control pills.” He’d deny it for the rest of his days, but, deep down, she knew it was him. She didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Diesel set Rebel up because he is a jealous idiot.”
Releasing a harsh breath, Christopher got to his feet and stalked to her desk, then yanked open a drawer. “Your pills there. I ain’t took those motherfuckers. You must’ve put them in there and forgot them.”
“Do you understand why I’m so angry?”
He glowered at her. “If I took the fuckin’ pills, you’d think I was oversteppin’ my boundaries. I thought you belonged to me.”
“I do, butmybody bears the burden of pregnancies. My psyche wrestles with the fearof death for me and the baby. All the uncertainty.”
“Not alone. I’m scared, too. And how the fuck we still stuck on fuckin’ pills that’s not missin’ when I ain’t too sure what the fuck I’m gonna do until you get back?”
“Do you really believe Diesel’s explanation?”
“That motherfucker didn’t kiss Rebel,” Christopher answered, evading her question. “Kaia did.”
Sniffing, Meggie folded her arms.
“Fuck, Megan. Kaia wasn’t supposed to really want to be her boyfriend.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that some things can be aboveboard, my love?” she asked gently. “I still maintain CJ could’ve introduced them honestly, instead of going through such an elaborate set-up. Your daughter isn’t stupid. You all tell Kaia to jump and he has to jump or else. It feeds her suspicions that she was setup yet again, this time by you, CJ, Diesel, and whoever else you all chose to bring in.”
Instead of addressing any of what she’d said, Christopher stared out the windows, the panoramic view revealing the mostly cloudy day.
“I love you so fuckin’ much,” he said quietly. He looked at her and smiled, but it was dim, sad, and his emerald eyes lacked their usual sparkle. “The minute I walk in the house, I feel your presence. The way you been talkin’ about leavin’, the way you just decidedtoleave…” Heshook his head. “I’m so fuckin’ scared you ain’t lovin’ me no more.”
“You and your schemin’, your low moves, taught me a lot, Christopher. I won’t say I don’t enjoy them because I do. I match wits with you and I think you’re brilliant. The trauma of the last few months made me realize I need some boundaries. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I adore you. You’re my world. I live for you and the children.”
