“You aren’t grossed out?”
“Nope.”
“Oh brother. I forgot you aren’t a real girl.”
Rebel wasn’t sure how her little brother meant his words. As an observation or an insult, but it didn’t matter. She was too despondent to decipher, so she shrugged.
“I wish I wasn’t a girl,” she said. “No, I wish I could just disappear.”
Tearsrushed to her eyes again and she blinked. Her tears wouldn’t stop, though. After holding them in all evening, a dam had opened. She’d nevernotgiven Diesel a birthday gift. Or walked out of one of his parties. But it was so clear that he’d expected her to surrender without giving anything of himself. Especially a sincere apology.
Rebel just couldn’t accept his behavior. She was so miserable, though. Watching Jana give Diesel the painting, timid as usual, nauseated Rebel. She was young but she wasn’t stupid. Neither one of them listened to her, but sheknewboth Jana and Diesel were setting themselves up for a lifetime of despair. No matter how many times Rebel tried to convince her, Jana simply refused to stand as Diesel’s equal or hold him accountable.
Which Diesel needed.Badly.Rebelknew that and had said as much several times. Why couldn’t Jana see it? ProbablybecauseRebel was so young. Maybe Jana would listen to Momma. Someone needed to get through to her before it was too late and she married Diesel, allowed him to walk all over her, and then suffered disastrous consequences.
Or maybe she’d just drop it and leave them to their fate. Diesel had known Rebel forever andherefused to take her advice and give Jana the okay to stand up to him.
Rebel didn’t intend to police anyone 24/7, especially her significant other, but she did expect honesty and respect.
Kaia was perfect for her. He was sweet, faithful, and considerate—Diesel’s complete opposite.
Rebel hung her head and sobbed.
Axel threw his little arms around her. “Don’t cry, Reb.”
She returned Axel’s tight hug with a fierce one of her own. “I want Rule,” she said miserably. “I miss him so much.”
It was the easiest and most believable explanation not only for her little brother but her jumbled emotions, a kaleidoscope of memories that began with Momma collapsing and ended here, tonight, with Diesel’s gaze on Rebel as Jana fumbled what Rebel told her to say.
Somewhere between that dizzying whirl of misery was other trauma, including those videotapes of her that she just couldn’t seem to get over as much as she tried.
Axel pulled away from her. “Be right back, Reb—”
“It’s okay. I’m going to walk home.”
“Just stay here. I’ll be back,” he promised, turned and opened the door, allowing the noise of the party to flood out again and disappearing into the clubhouse before she could stop him.
Rebel considered leaving, but she didn’t want him walking through the forest alone. It was astraight shoot between the club and the houses. Still, that solitary trek was harrowing with the density of the trees that swallowed everything into nothingness. Ground lights lined the pathway, but very few penetrated that black void made eerier by night sounds and ground fog.
Her phone beeped. Not in the mood to text, she almost ignored it. However, it could be her mother, asking if she made it home safely. Momma would worry if Rebel didn’t respond.
Sighing, she took her phone in hand. The message wasn’t from Momma.
Kaia: Hey babe. U ok?
Not in the least. She had so many different emotions running through her—shame, guilt, sadness, regret. She didn’t know if she’d ever be okay again.
Rebel: Just needed fresh air. I’m right outside the clubhouse. Want to join me?
Kaia: Can I kiss you? Kissing will help to clear your mind.
Rebel smiled. She’d only ever been kissed twice, both times by Kaia. The first one had been in front of Mattie and Kayce and the second time had been even briefer. Neither time cleared her mind.
Kaia: So…will you…? Let me kiss you?
Rebel: At the clubhouse?
Kaia: No, in my room, where I can teach you properly.
