He squinted, frustrated, wanting pushback and accountability. He despised Tabitha, but she went toe-to-toe with him. Unsurehow to respond, he glanced around and looked at the coke again. He needed to flush it down the toilet. He also needed to collect the money and dust off the residual powder.
“I meant it when I said I love you. My love is what’s most important. If you need Rebel to make you happy when she’s however old, I will be fine with that.”
“Then we shouldn’t be together,” he barked.
Her eyes widened. “But—”
“But nothing, Jana. If you don’t give a fuck if I turn you into a drug-addicted slut or if I fuck my little sister, what the fuck do you care about?”
“She isn’t your real sister. Not like Mattie will be to me,” she said softly. “Andyou. I care about you. Nothing else matters as long as I have you. If you want to use drugs, sell my pussy, date Rebel, I don’t care. I love you. Nothing you do will ever disappoint me. I willneverdisapprove of anything you do. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”
Diesel was too fucking appalled to respond. He stormed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, wishing Rebel wasn’t in his head, dogging his fucking steps.
Guilt was a motherfucker, either freshly served, piled on a little at a time, or just there, hanging over an assfuck like a goddamn cloud.
Listening to Megan rifle through the vanity drawer in the bathroom, knowing without even asking what she was looking for, hearing her intermittent “where are they?” kept Christopher rooted in bed. But her sob hit him in the center of his chest. Somehow, he dragged himself to his feet, weighted down with his own fuckery.
He couldn’t bring himself to go into the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway and clenched his jaw. His wife was leaning against the counter, her fingers gripping the edges, her head hung, and her shoulders shaking.
She wanted her birth control pills. Friday morning, when he stole them and deleted her reminders, she was thinking about Harley’s play and still in shock because of Gypsy’s death. Yesterday, Megan focused on Diesel’s birthday.
Undoubtedly, she was still mourning her friend. That was probably where some of her tears came from, but something always clicked in her head with her pills to make her remember them. He just hadn’t counted on that happening so soon. Nor had he thought he’d feel so fucking guilty and uneasy.
He sidled a glance at his closet door. Thankfully, he’d remembered to move them from his sock drawer and put them in the pocket of one of his old cuts. Not that it mattered. New or old, she wouldn’t have touched it. His colors was the only thing in his life off-limits to her.
Another sob escaped her, and he shifted his weight, the movement startling her. She jerked and raised her teary gaze to him, her eyes pools of blue that threatened to consume him.
“Hey, baby,” he said gently. “Why you cryin’?”
He had to ask. Otherwise, she’d become suspicious.
She hung her head again, her golden hair streaming around her. “I can’t find my pills,” she said around pitiful sniffles. “I know…I th-thought I had the old pack and the new pack in that drawer.” She pointed to the drawer in question. “They aren’t there, Christopher. I’ve looked everywhere.”
He didn’t have pants on to shove his hands in his fucking pockets, so he pursed his lips instead.
“I d-don’t remember if I took them yesterday or the day before that or the day before that.”
It had only been two days.
She covered her face and fuckingcried. He felt like doing the same. He hadn’t even thought about those motherfuckers until he heard her in here.
“Suppose I’m pregnant?”
Instead of answering, he rushed to her and wrapped his arms around her, her back to his front. He rested his chin on the top of her head.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered.
“It isn’t!” she screeched. “Jo isn’t even home yet. Rule is still in LA. Gunner barely knows me anymore. I can’t be pregnant right now.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, he tightened his hold on her. “Megan, baby, if you got another kid in you, we’ll find a way to make shit work. I swear.”
“How? We both know you’d worry yourself sick if I got on an airplane to visit Rule, or if I picked up Jo or Gunner, while I was pregnant.”
He didn’t know what to say to her, except confess his fuckery, and that hewouldn’tdo. She might leave after she karate chopped his nuts. Preferable to her walking away. He hadn’t thoughthis actions through when he’d swiped those pills.
Fuck, that wasn’t fucking true. Hehadconsidered whether he should do it, then said fuck it.
“I love you so fuckin’ much, Megan.”
