He obliged, his mind spinning in all directions.
“I love you so much,” she said. “You’re so good to me.”
Being good to her didn’t mean allowing her drugs, and it certainly didn’t mean allowing her to fuck for those drugs. Despite his best efforts, that’s what she’d ended up doing. The fact that she’d used coke mattered so much more to him than her fucking his friends.
He was fucking certifiable.
Jana mewled, dragging her nails down his back. He decided to open his eyes, look at her flushed cheeks and dazed expression.
She was hot and wet, the heat of her body luring him. Except Rebel was in the background, taunting him. Hating him.
Rebel! Rebel!Rebel!
Somehow, he focused enough to get Jana off and then finish inside her before rolling off her and sitting up.
Silence rolled in. He thought she’d fallen asleep again, but when he glanced over his shoulder, he saw her staring at the ceiling.
“Sweetheart, I shouldn’t have done coke. Neither one of us should have. You deserve the world. My protection, not my hedonism. You’re worth so much more,” he stressed. “I’m so fucking sorry. And ashamed.”
Bolting up, she crawled to where he sat on the edge of the bed and pressed her cheek against his shoulder.
“You did nothing wrong.”
“I did everything wrong,” he told her bleakly.
“No! You’re perfect and you owe me no explanation. It isn’t my place to call you down.”
“You’re going to be my wife. It’s exactly your place, babe.”
“No, it isn’t!”
He was tired of trying to reason with her.
“I love you,” she said for the countless time, stuck on repeat.
Did she ever tire of saying that to him without a response from him?
“Can we stay in bed all day?”
“No.” He was too tangled inside to offer explanations.
She gazed at him through her lashes. “A day of fucking doesn’t appeal to you?”
Not with her. He clenched his jaw, searching for another topic to take his mind off his bleakness. In three days, those DNA tests would finally be done. Diesel wasn’t sure if Uncle Christopher explained to CJ and the other boys that not only was it to confirm paternity of theoriginal members and the current generation, but mainly because of Jana and Johnnie.
Johnnie knew. Jana didn’t. Diesel didn’t want that sprung on her at the last minute. Amy and Sue left a lot to be desired as parents, but Jana felt a certain allegiance to them.
“Wednesday we’re taking DNA tests,” Diesel started.Hewasn’t. He’d take one of Kendall’s genealogy tests to see if he could connect with his mother’s side of the family.
“DNA tests?”
Unable to detect her tone, he nodded.
“Me, too?”
Originally, she’d been the main reason for it, but shit was so complicated with fake birth certificates and other forged documents, this might be the only way to solve the mystery. “Suppose I tell you…”
Diesel wasn’t sure how to break this news to her, especially after the night they’d had. Her resistance was low. Anything could send her spiraling and in search of drugs again. He’d have to warn Narci not to fuck with Jana. If she went to him for drugs in exchange for sex or money, that motherfucker had best turn her away.
